Kart Champions
by Xarbok
Summary: The story of the Mario Brothers' kart racing adventures. EPISODE ONE COMPLETELY REWRITTEN! CHANGES TO ALL CHAPTERS!
1. Episode I: The Vacation

Disclaimer: If anyone thinks I own any of this, that's pretty cool!  
Except, I might have to introduce you to the fact that you're an idiot.  
  
A quick little author's note – first, this is the second edition of this chapter...it needed some major revisions. I never liked the layout as it was really the first fic I had ever written. I can't tell you how angry I've been at some authors when they decide that too much is wrong with a story and simply cut it off – it doesn't hurt to put in a little bit of willpower and actually rework a chapter or two. One last thing, for those who are just starting this story now, the only plot change I made to the Mario Kart series itself is that Mario didn't race in the original Super Mario Kart for SNES – this starts during Mario Kart 64 and goes from there. I've only skipped the Mushroom Cup in the plotline because I felt it wasn't really important or useful. If you've got any questions, please feel free to drop me a line in a review or an email and I'll answer in a later mailbag! Now,  
please enjoy Episode One the way I meant to write it originally.  
  
KART CHAMPIONS  
  
- - PART ONE - -  
  
EPISODE I (REVISED)  
  
"THE VACATION"  
  
*It is a beautiful, bright Saturday morning in the Mushroom Kingdom. The Pidgets are chirping, and the first rays of the sun are just beginning to appear over the horizon in the cold air of dawn. A plumber in green overalls is outside, sipping orange juice, and admiring the scene. His name is Luigi. He never really cared for the fact that every person throughout the globe knew that name – he lived his life as normal, just as his brother had. They were simply known as the Mario Brothers to those unfamiliar with them, but those that knew them simply understood that "Mario" wasn't their last name, and it made them both angry when people thought so. Both of them had turned down the offers of massive wealth and power, and preferred to remain living just as they were. Luigi sometimes shivered at the mere thought of accepting those offers – doing so would have sold their freedom, their chances to watch moments like this. But as long as they remained as they were, nothing – NOTHING – could stop Luigi from standing outside at 6:35 in the morning. Excluding, of course, for one certain individual...instantly, the magic is shattered as a loud snort and grumble interrupt Luigi's thoughts. This is Mario – the shorter, fatter, older, lazier plumber. Soon later, a very annoyed Luigi is standing over Mario's bed with a bucket of ice-water in hand. Luigi, deciding to make the most of this opportunity, slowly begins to trickle the water onto the back of Mario's neck. Mario jerks and pulls his pillow to cover his head just as the full bucket of water falls directly onto him. Mario sits up, grumbling, as Luigi turns to go back outside. A cold, damp pillow is flung into Luigi's back, and Luigi spins around.*  
  
Luigi: Mario! What's the deal?  
  
Mario: Well, let's see...I was asleep, and then I wake up to you being an idiot, as always.  
  
Luigi: Actually, I probably saved you from suffocating...you know, the bus is coming in  
like an hour, so you might wanna get ready.  
  
Mario: Yeah, and be just like you, right?  
  
*Luigi ignores this last comment and returns outside. Mario walks groggily to the bathroom and takes a quick shower. He then remembers their arrangement for the day – Mario and Luigi had decided to take a year-long vacation at a resort island. Being rich enough to afford it, neither of them considered how boring a year at the island would be – this was good, for neither of them really knew how boring it wouldn't be, either. Today, or specifically this morning, would be the day they left for paradise.*  
  
*Mario lazily throws his stuff into a duffel bag and zips it up. A low whistling noise is heard from outside, and Luigi calls to Mario to tell him the bus has arrived.*  
  
*Mario straightens his overalls, slings his bag around his shoulder, and grabs his cap on the way out. There rests the Nimbus Land Bus. The Bus appears to be a giant, solidified cloud that floats gently up and down, creating the low whistle. Mario steps aboard, and glass walls about four feet high rise along the edge of the bus.*  
  
Bus Driver: All aboard!  
  
*The bus slowly lifts above-ground, twisting toward the sky. It is at that moment that Mario glances to his right and discovers Luigi gripping the glass and stiffly lying on the floor. He appears nearly as green as his own clothing.*  
  
Mario: Uh, hey bro, you don't look so good...  
  
Luigi: I don't...like...heights...  
  
Mario: Oh yeah, just try not to think about how high up we are over the ocean – try not  
to think about the terror if the engine fails and we fall...  
  
Luigi: Shut up!  
  
Bus Driver: Hey, what's goin' on back there? Here, why doncha watch a movie? That  
oughta cheer you guys up. Why don't you pick?  
  
Mario: *Takes a little book out of a small pouch on the floor.* Oh man, you've got Plan  
Nine from Outer Space?? Run that one.  
  
Bus Driver: Oh yeah! I was hoping you'd pick that one. It's my favorite!  
  
Luigi: But...you'll be paying attention to...where we're going, right?  
  
Bus Driver: Oh no...this thing seems to have a mind of its own. I just have to sit behind  
the wheel so this baby stays legal!  
  
*Luigi looks petrified at the very thought that the driver won't even be controlling the bus and where it's going.*  
  
*But soon the awful movie begins, and Mario and Luigi laugh uproariously over it the whole trip, much to the bewilderment of the driver.*  
  
*Time passes...the movie has ended. Luigi is bored, sitting against the glass, as Mario watches the ocean underneath.*  
  
Bus Driver: We're passing over Yo'ster Island now! Take a look out of the right-hand  
side to get a good glimpse of it!  
  
Mario: Whoa, hey Luigi! Check this out! ...Luigi?  
  
*Luigi had taken a look, and now lies on the floor of the bus, looking very green. Mario waves a hand in disgust and turns back to the ocean.*  
  
*Yo'ster Island is in full view. But instead of the usual steel drum music and chatter of Yoshi-speak that normally echoes from the island, instead there is the growling of many loud motors.*  
  
Mario: Well, either there's a crazed lumber company wreaking havoc down there, or  
someone's having a little fun with some cars...I wonder if Yoshis can even  
drive? Oh well...  
  
*Marios questions are left unanswered and the bus approaches the final stop, the resort island itself! The Bus Driver directs attention to it, and they begin their landing procedure. Mario gets Luigi up from his daze, and he appears okay once again. The bus finally slows down and comes to rest just above ground level on the beach of the island.*  
  
*Mario and Luigi hop off with their duffel bags, and the bus begins its assent to the slightly puffier clouds above. Suddenly, a voice echoes down...*  
  
Bus Driver: Hey buddy! You forgot your hat!  
  
*A red object floats down from the bus, and Mario catches it.*  
  
*Luigi clears his throat, looking rather impatient.*  
  
Luigi: I'd say you've lost your hat enough by now, wouldn't you?! You lost it way back  
on that mountain ages ago and we had to go back and find it...remember? Maybe  
you should start leaving your hat at the house so we won't have to go through with  
that EVERY OTHER MINUTE? When will you ever learn...  
  
Mario: *Stops and turns to Luigi.* Okay, you shut up! I wasn't the one that was turning  
green all the way over here...  
  
Luigi: Yeah? Well at least I don't copy other people's outfits!  
  
Mario: Neither do I! I was wearing these way before...  
  
*The two brothers instantly stop bickering as an important-looking toad in a black tuxedo approaches them and clears his throat.*  
  
Doorman: Hello, and welcome to Grate Guy's Island Resort. We would be happy to  
serve you in any way you wish. Enjoy yourselves and have a good day.  
  
*The doorman turns on his heel and walks away with his hands clasped firmly behind his back, walking stiffly as if preparing for the worst.*  
  
Mario: How did they know we were coming?  
  
Luigi: Well, I at least would be pretty shocked seeing your overly-large nose come  
floating out of the sky...  
  
*Mario grasps the brim of Luigi's hat and yanks it down over his face. Luigi rights himself and they hike up the beach to the lobby. They enter through large doors and step inside the cool air-conditioned room.*  
  
*No one is there except a smiling toadette at the front desk.*  
  
Mario: I guess they don't get many regular people coming through here...  
  
Luigi: Why do you say that? Because there's no one in here?  
  
Mario: No, because of that signup sheet over there – have a look...all the rooms but one  
are taken up by members of some club. Hey, it looks like Lakitu's involved...  
wonder what that guy's doing now?  
  
Luigi: And how did you notice all that while we were just walking along here?  
  
Mario: I dunno, I guess I'm just more observant than you...  
  
Luigi: That's a laugh...uh, hey Mario? Who's that?  
  
*Luigi points to a small yet older-looking Koopa that enters the door and scans all the walls, as if looking for something. He sees Mario and Luigi, and then the signup sheet. His eyes go back and forth between them and the signup sheet several times. Then, suddenly, he whips out a pen and charges at them!*  
  
Mario: Luigi, sign us quick!  
  
*Mario reaches forward with a gloved hand and holds the running Koopa back easily.*  
  
*Luigi scrawls his and Marios names quickly for the last room. The Koopa stops and looks up at Mario with fury in his eyes. He spits on Marios shoe.*  
  
Koopa: Why me?! First the fat buffoon steals my kart and room reservation, and now  
you two morons take the last one!! You have it in for me or somethin'? What  
have I done?! I'll get you two! I will!!  
  
*Two toad guards in black suits shove the poor koopa out the door, an effective warning never to come back.*  
  
Luigi: Um...okay...  
  
Mario: Well, at least we got the room...somehow I doubt that was the last weird person  
we'll run into at this joint...  
  
*The two plumbers walk up to the front desk. The toadette is no longer smiling.*  
  
Luigi: Hello, we'd like to place a reservation for the last room?  
  
Toadette: All right. Please select your staying plan.  
  
Luigi: Um...sorry? What plan?  
  
Toadette: I see you're new to this idea. You can either reserve a set amount of time for a  
slight discount, or you can pay the normal sum of 500 coins by midnight for  
each individual night you decide to stay. This is a bit of a hassle, but it's better  
if you don't know how long you wish to stay here.  
  
Luigi: We'll take the set-time plan. We'll be staying for a whole year, so we might as  
well just pay now.  
  
Toadette: Thank you, sirs. Here's your passkey and your value cards to buy things from  
our wide variety of stores and restaurants on the island. Enjoy your stay.  
  
Luigi: Thank you. What's the total sum, then?  
  
Toadette: Ah, let's see...you're staying for 365 nights, then? Well let's see...at 500 a  
night...yes...minus 5%...all right sirs. Your total is 173,375 coins.  
  
Mario: ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY-THREE THOUSA...  
  
Luigi: *Holds up a hand.* Can we write a mushroom bank note?  
  
Toadette: Yes...make it out to "Grate Guy Recreation and Associates". Very good.  
*Pulls note from Luigi.* May I have a room number, sir?  
  
Luigi: Uh, hold on a sec... *Takes the new room passkey from the envelope and reads  
the number.* Room number 908.  
  
Toadette: Thank you. You're payed in full for your whole stay. Enjoy yourselves. Your  
room is on the top floor. The stairs are down the hall that way.  
  
*After thanking the desk manager, Luigi nearly drags Mario away from the bank note and to the stairs.*  
  
Mario: Luigi...that note was worth...you just...GAVE...why...  
  
Luigi: Mario, we agreed before that we'd pay it even if it was really expensive,  
remember? We've got millions of coins anyway from everywhere we've  
been...what's 173,375 more or less?  
  
Mario: Yeah...yeah, I guess so...geez, how much further does this stairway go? I'm  
running out of breath...  
  
Luigi: Oh come ON! We haven't been going THAT far yet! Honestly! You just lie  
around all day and you'll never get close to being healthy at all.  
  
Mario: You be quiet. I'm just gonna sit and rest for a minute...you keep going...  
  
Luigi: Okay, whatever you say...  
  
*Luigi continues upstairs. Suddenly, there is the sound of someone running downstairs. There is shortly a crash, resulting in Luigi falling back down the stairs and hitting his head on the wall. A green figure tentatively steps around the corner, checking to see if Luigi's all right.*  
  
Mario: YOSHI!! Hey! What're you doing so far from the island?  
  
Yoshi: Mario? It's you! Man, it's been ages!  
  
*Aside from a slightly strange accent, Yoshi had long since learned to speak perfect English. He was one of the few Yoshis that did so, only occasionally using his own native language. This had made him somewhat famous, but he didn't really care one way or the other.*  
  
Mario: How's it going? It's been forever!  
  
Yoshi: Fine, fine...looks like I gave Luigi a little spill there...he all right?  
  
Mario: Yeah, he's out cold, but he probably deserved it...he's certainly been a classic  
annoying brother recently, but at least now he's better than he was...  
  
*Yoshi knows that he hasn't really been that annoying, but Mario is simply jealous of him and always has been. Yoshi doesn't bring up the subject, as he knows it will only increase the already present rivalry between the two.*  
  
Yoshi: Annoying as usual. So I guess I'll ask – what are you doing way out here?  
  
Mario: We decided on taking a little vacation from all the normal stuff...got kinda  
boring, y'know? We came here to sort of let off some steam. So what're YOU  
doin' out this far?  
  
Yoshi: Oh, me and the club are taking a little break between races...guess you could say  
we're just letting off a little steam also.  
  
Mario: Club? What do you mean?  
  
Yoshi: Oh! I never told you??  
  
*Yoshi suddenly lights up with excitement.*  
  
Yoshi: Oh man, I got in this great kart racing club last year! We go all over the world in  
battle tournaments, an occasional grand prix, and practice runs! Lakitu's the  
director, you've got to meet him...  
  
Mario: Lakitu? Huh! I'd been wondering what he was up to...  
  
Yoshi: I see you've met him! Come on, maybe I could even get you guys enrolled and  
then you could race with us, and...  
  
Mario: Whoa there, hold up a sec. We haven't even unpacked yet, and I think we'd  
probably better get Luigi upstairs too...  
  
Yoshi: Yeah...yeah, you're right, of course. All right, I'll help you guys, then. What  
room did you get?  
  
Mario: Uh, 908, if I remember right.  
  
Yoshi: Well...that means...yeah! We're right next to each other upstairs. C'mon, I'll  
help you carry Luigi, here...  
  
*Yoshi's scaly green claws grab Luigi's legs while Mario holds his arms and piles all the luggage onto his stomach – an effective stretcher. They make their way to 908 and slump Luigi onto the bed on the left.*  
  
Mario: Don't worry, he'll be up in awhile...  
  
Yoshi: Man, he's heavier than I remembered...  
  
Mario: Yoshi, for lunch he eats about a shred of lettuce. That's it. So just be glad you're  
not having to carry ME up those stairs.  
  
Yoshi: Trust me, I'm not exactly waiting for an opportunity to do that...  
  
*Mario and Yoshi leave the room and walk back downstairs to meet Lakitu.*  
  
Mario: Oh yeah, there was a Koopa at the entrance just a little while ago, raving about  
how someone stole his kart...you know who he was?  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, unfortunately, I do. He's always been a little odd...like he's always  
thinking about something else, and he jumps with every little noise. Some theif  
took his kart out from under his nose last week...too bad for him. All we know  
is the guy who stole it was really fat, and wore this hideous mix of yellow and  
purple...what? What is it?  
  
*Mario sighs and shakes his head.*  
  
Mario: Oh, I know who that is. That's Wario. You heard of him? He's always  
snooping around, and he's obsessed with money. I've known him my whole life,  
and he's hated me every minute of it. Weird thing is, he dresses exactly like me  
except with those colors...I dunno, I'll never figure out that guy.  
  
Yoshi: Well, that bit about being obsessed with money would explain why he came  
here...see, the winner of our next grand prix gets a trophy and 8,000 coins.  
Which means not only did he steal Koopa's kart, but he's probably planning on  
joining the club as well...  
  
Mario: Uh...Yoshi? Don't look behind you.  
  
*And of course, he does. Then he jumps in surprise because not 5 inches in front of him is Wario's broad, grinning face.*  
  
Wario: Hey, how's it going?  
  
Mario: Just what are you doing here?  
  
Wario: Oh, just passing through. I happened to hear from a certain someone that the  
winner of a race gets...what was it? 8,000 coins? Yeah, that's why. I plan to be  
joining a certain club...by the way, Mario, don't get in my way, or you'll regret  
it. See you around.  
  
*Wario disappears around the corner.*  
  
Yoshi: So THAT'S Wario...but Lakitu will never let him join...  
  
Mario: Trust me, he has this thing about getting his way. He'll do it somehow.  
  
Yoshi: All the more reason to get you in as soon as possible...I was thinking, before you  
unpack, why don't you go down to the desk again and see who's in 907 – your  
other side?  
  
Mario: Yeah, good idea – I think I will...be back in a sec.  
  
Yoshi: Okay, just come by my room later on if you wanna – we'll go get lunch.  
  
*Mario walks down the again-deserted hall to the front desk.*  
  
Mario: Excuse me, but would you please be able to tell me who's currently in room 907?  
  
Toadette: All right, hold for a moment please... *Turns pages in large book.* Let's  
  
see...905, 906, 907...sir? Someone by the name of "Koopa" is currently  
occupying room number 907.  
  
Mario: Thanks...  
  
*Mario realizes that Koopa couldn't possibly be there. He decides to go to Yoshi right away. He climbs the stairs once again, and knocks on room 909.*  
  
Mario: Hey Yoshi, you in there?  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, come in.  
  
*Mario opens the door, quickly steps in, and shuts it behind him.*  
  
Mario: Yoshi, I don't get it. She said Koopa's in 907. But that wouldn't make any sense  
unless...no...  
  
Yoshi: Unless...  
  
Mario: Koopa said that the "fat buffoon" stole his kart and...his room reservation...  
  
Yoshi: Oh no...  
  
Mario: Wait a sec. *Holds up a hand and listens quietly, scrunches up eyes in  
concentration. Walks silently to door.*  
  
*Mario suddenly slams open the door and it smashes Wario in the face, who runs down the hall cursing.*  
  
Mario: He's always snooping around. Lock your door at night, you never know when  
he'll mess with you. Great, now he knows I'm next to him...what now?  
  
Yoshi: I dunno...but you really should wake Luigi up before anything else happens.  
  
Mario: Yeah, you're right. We'll drop by later and we can go get lunch.  
  
Yoshi: All right, see ya then.  
  
*Mario exits Yoshi's room and takes a look out of the large glass window to the sea. He decides to meet some of the others in his row. He heads to 910, but no one's there. He knocks on 911, and a female voice tells him he can come in.*  
  
*He does so, and is shocked to find the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom herself lying on her bed, reading.*  
  
Mario: I...uh...um...I...  
  
*Peach immediately closes her book upon seeing Mario.*  
  
Peach: Mario! I didn't think I'd see you here! How are you?  
  
Mario: I...um...well, I'm fine, Princess.  
  
Peach: It's all right, for now please just call me Peach...I never really cared for the  
formalities anyway... *Sees Mario fumbling for words.* It's okay! My  
grandmother is taking my place back at the castle so I could be in the races too.  
That's why I'm just wearing normal clothes right now anyway. Anything else  
would give me away...I'm just going to be a normal person for awhile.  
  
Mario: Oh...I see. So it's all okay?  
  
Peach: Yeah. Why don't you come in and sit for awhile, tell me what's been going on?  
  
Mario: I don't know if I have time...  
  
Peach: Oh come on, it's all right...  
  
Mario: Okay. *Shuts door and sits down on bed near Peach.*  
  
Peach: So I guess first of all, how's it going? What are you doing out here?  
  
Mario: You know, the usual. Luigi and I thought it would be fun to take a vacation from  
  
all the normal stuff around town.  
  
Peach: Yeah, I know what you mean...that's part of the reason I got in this club in the  
first place...I kind of get sick of the usual, you know? I get tired of this toad and  
that toad bringing me papers to sign and questions to answer everyday...you've  
always been more interesting to talk to... *Smiles.*  
  
Mario: Say, would you uh, like to go get dinner tomorrow night?  
  
Peach: Of course, that would be great!  
  
Mario: Okay, how's 7:30 sound?  
  
Peach: Sure, I'll meet you then!  
  
Mario: See you...  
  
*Mario stands and leaves Peach's room. Peach doesn't go back to reading, but instead sits and stares at the closed door in silence.*  
  
*Mario reaches the end of the hall, and hears someone beating on bongos frantically in 912. He decides to go back to his room and wake Luigi, so he walks back to 908 and pushes open the door. Indeed, Luigi's still out cold. Mario suddenly flashes a very Wario-esque grin, and goes to the sink. He returns with a cup of ice-water. Time for sweet revenge.*  
  
*He begins to slowly trickle it onto the back of Luigi's neck – Luigi, in reflex, throws up his arm and hits the cup of water directly into Mario's face. An angry, wet Mario heads to the bathroom to find a towel to dry off with as Luigi starts waking up.*  
  
*Meanwhile, Yoshi is walking down the hall to Lakitu's office, planning on getting Mario and Luigi into the club. His claw-like feet scratch on the tile as he reaches the door to Lakitu's office and knocks on the door.*  
  
*There is no answer. Yoshi knocks again. Nothing. The door is unlocked, so Yoshi enters and gets his second big surprise of the day.*  
  
*Lakitu himself is duct-taped to the wall, gagged. His round glasses are lying on the desk along with several tools. Lakitu looks frantically at Yoshi, struggling a bit. Yoshi runs over and removes the rag from his mouth.*  
  
Lakitu: Yoshi! Quick, see if you can get me out of this!  
  
*Much to Lakitu's dismay, it hurts very much to have duct-tape ripped off of you. Unfortunately, it appears the only way to get him off the wall. After a few minutes of Yoshi ripping and Lakitu gritting his teeth, he is free and falls to the floor.*  
  
Lakitu: Oh man, remind me never to duct-tape myself to the wall.  
  
Yoshi: So what happened??  
  
Lakitu: That guy...Wario I think it was...came in here and told me to admit him to the  
club. I refused, so he said he'd tape me to the wall and...dismantle my glasses if  
I didn't let him join. I still refused...I didn't really think he'd do it...  
  
*Everyone knew that Lakitu's glasses were probably his most prized possession, but no one spoke of it.*  
  
Lakitu: I only agreed when he actually took out tools and started trying to bend the  
frames. I figured he'd just let me back down, but he just said "good choice" and  
left me up on the wall. It was about an hour later that you came in...  
  
Yoshi: Sorry I was too late...I came down to warn you about him...  
  
Lakitu: Well, thanks at least for getting me out of that.  
  
Yoshi: But I also came down to tell you about a couple people that you actually might  
want to consider letting join...  
  
*Lakitu rolls his eyes and begins rubbing the lenses of his glasses with his shirt, shaking his head with a sour expression.*  
  
Lakitu: Oh no...  
  
Yoshi: Come on, give it a chance!  
  
Lakitu: I suppose you could give me their names at least...  
  
*Lakitu had had at least four incompetent people nearly beg on hands and knees to join several weeks before, and it wasn't his idea of a good time to flatly refuse – it was just that he simply had no choice.*  
  
Yoshi: Well, their names are Mario and Luigi. Either of them ring a bell?  
  
*Lakitu drops his glasses.*  
  
Lakitu: WHAT?! They're HERE? Why didn't you tell me before?  
  
Yoshi: I wanted to find out first whether or not they wanted to join...so whaddya think?  
Do you want to let them?  
  
*Lakitu seems nearly ready to explode at Yoshi's honest question.*  
  
Lakitu: I...of...YOSHI! Have you thought about the kind of publicity this would give  
us?? Plus they'd probably be a big challenge for this group!  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, okay, I thought you might not want any more racers...I understand...  
  
Lakitu: NO!! I was referring to them being just what we need! Of course they can join!  
Can they come down here?  
  
Yoshi: Naw, not right now, but that's good that they'll be able to join – I'll tell them  
tomorrow morning and leave it a surprise for now..  
  
Lakitu: All right, and I'll talk to them later.  
  
*Yoshi leaves and shuts the office door.*  
  
*Meanwhile, in room 908, Mario has just finished telling Luigi all that happened after he was knocked out.*  
  
Luigi: Man! Why do I always miss out on this stuff?  
  
Mario: Because you're the sidekick.  
  
Luigi: HEY!!  
  
Mario: Heh, just kidding. Man I'm tired – we should get to bed...first I think we'd  
better lock the door though...you never know when Wario might be stalking  
around like he usually does...  
  
*Mario heads to the door, shuts it, locks it, and even leans a chair against it for good measure. Mario, satisfied, heads back to the beds.*  
  
Luigi: I call the bed on the right!  
  
Mario: Sorry bro, but I put you on the bed on the left when you were knocked out.  
  
Luigi: And does that mean anything at all?  
  
Mario: Yes. Yes it does.  
  
Luigi: Oh come on, you and I both know you just wanna sleep on that side cause the  
fridge is over there! You're fatter than I am anyway!  
  
Mario: Am not! But there's a lot more things I AM that you're not!  
  
Luigi: Like maybe a moron?  
  
Mario: I think a very good example of a moron is someone who copies his older  
brother's clothes...  
  
Luigi: I think I already told you that I wore this way before you did.  
  
Mario: You're wrong! At least I'm not some kind of perfectionist like you...  
  
Luigi: At least I have enough sense not to lose my hat...  
  
Mario: Maybe so, but at least I...  
  
*Mario is interrupted by a sharp, short, quick knock on the door*  
  
Luigi: Eh...yes?  
  
*A red-faced Toad is standing there*  
  
Toad: Will you two please shut up? Some people would rather sleep than listen to your  
endless bickering!  
  
Mario: ...Um, ok.  
  
*Toad slams the door and walks away, leaving Mario and Luigi glaring at each other in complete silence*  
  
Mario: ...Perfectionist...  
  
Luigi: ...Moron...  
  
*Soon the resort is dark and silent. Everyone is asleep – everyone, that is, except one overweight individual with a devious grin, now tromping through the corridor. He is pointing at the doors as he passes, muttering numbers.*  
  
Wario: 904, 905, 906, 907...  
  
*He stops at number 908 and grasps the doorknob. Slowly, silently, he turns it, prepared to enter and wreak havoc. However, his plans are hindered only by the click that emanates from the lock that stops the knob from turning futher. Wario curses, backs up, and rams the door, trying to open it – still somehow silent. But the chair on the other side of the door holds, and Wario merely bounces off.*  
  
Wario: Urgh...hmm...  
  
*Wario gets a sudden plan and leaves, returning not a moment later with a match and some masking tape. He tapes the match to the bottom of the door, so that the head is resting on the rough tile floor. He then leaves, chuckling at his how devious and intelligent he is.*  
  
*Dawn arrives...and Luigi, true to his normal routine, is up and awake with its light. Luigi sets about making breakfast, taking out 4 eggs from their bags and cracking them on the edge of a bowl. Soon, fresh breakfast arrives...and Mario, true to his normal routine, is up and awake with its scent.*  
  
Luigi: *Shaking his head.* Mario, you're too predictable.  
  
Mario: Mmphh. *Speaks through a mouthfull of eggs.*  
  
*Several hours later, after Mario and Luigi are up and ready for action, there's a knock on the door. Luigi steps forward, removes the chair, unlocks the door, and swings it open. There is a "scraape" and a "fwish" that no one notices, as a candle-sized flame appears under the door. Yoshi, being who knocked, steps inside.*  
  
*Mario stands up and goes to greet Yoshi.*  
  
Mario: Hey, so how'd it go?  
  
Yoshi: Well first off, Wario did wind up forcing his way into the club, I myself saw his  
handiwork in Lakitu's office...second of all, the two of you were accepted  
immediately! It was perfect.  
  
Luigi: Great! So when's first practice?  
  
Yoshi: It's going to be in three days, at 1:00 PM. Don't worry, I'll remind you guys  
before it's time. You'll get karts, the whole deal. Just you wait, this is gonna be  
the best thing you've ever done – trust me.  
  
Mario: It certainly sounds fun. So who all is in this club, anyway?  
  
Yoshi: Well, me, the two of you, unfortunately Wario, and then there's Peach, DK,  
Toad, and uh, Bowser.  
  
Mario: BOWSER?!  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, he wanted to put himself on the "good list", if you get my meaning – plus,  
he'd be able to make a name for himself in racing and even maybe get a shot at  
that cash prize...  
  
Luigi: Wow though, I'd never have expected Bowser would be involved...  
  
Mario: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if he and Wario become good friends.  
  
Yoshi: Man, I'm getting REALLY hungry, and that's saying something for me  
considering as I can eat at least twelve times what you can. And the smell of that  
cookout isn't helping things any.  
  
Mario: Cookout? What cookout?  
  
Luigi: Oh geez, our door is on fire!!  
  
Mario: What the...whoa!  
  
*Indeed, the blaze that began only a centimeter high has now engulfed the entire wooden door. Yoshi looks at the ceiling and seems to sense what's coming next. He scrambles to grab a fire extinguisher, but too late...*  
  
*FWOOSH!!! Every fire sprinkler in the resort's living quarters comes on simultaneously, drenching all of its inhabitants including Wario, who is no longer laughing. PA systems in the area shortly sound.*  
  
PA Systems: ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF THE GRATE GUY ISLAND RESORT  
HOTEL, PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY.  
THIS IS ROUTINE AND WILL ONLY TAKE A MOMENT – WE  
APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.  
  
*The plumbers' eyes widen through the hard droplets of water. They turn to look at Yoshi, in silence. He stares back.*  
  
Mario: Oh no...  
  
Luigi: Hey, look at this!  
  
*Luigi, standing where the fiery door once was, bends over and returns with a blackened, shriveled piece of wood that can only be a match.*  
  
Yoshi: That means...this was deliberate! But who would do such a thing?  
  
Mario: I'll give you one guess...  
  
Yoshi: MAN, that Wario's starting to get on my nerves...we should do something...  
  
Luigi: I dunno about you guys, but I'm interested in what he's hiding. He's always so  
secretive about everything. Think about it – with the evacuation order, no one will  
be here but inspectors! I say this is the perfect opportunity to do a little snooping  
of our own.  
  
Yoshi: *In silence, suddenly grins.* How do you think UP these things?  
  
Mario: He's MY brother, what do you expect?  
  
*Outside, commotion has begun.*  
  
Toad: I...HATE...BEING...WET...  
  
Peach: So that's why you came to an island resort?  
  
Toad: Of course, your majesty.  
  
Peach: *Rolls eyes.* Here we go again...  
  
DK: Say, what's all this about, anyway? Why'd the sprinklers come on?  
  
*For some reason, everyone simultaneously turns to look at Bowser.*  
  
Bowser: What? WHAT?!  
  
*Everyone immediately turns the opposite direction for fear of death.*  
  
DK: Wario...you smell like...garlic?  
  
Wario: I don't think I should even go into the things YOU smell like.  
  
Peach: Man, I hate to think of just leaving all my stuff up there, just letting it get  
soaked...hope they do something soon...  
  
Toad: Say, where are Mario and Luigi?  
  
DK: Yoshi's missing too.  
  
Peach: I guess they haven't come out yet...  
  
*Wario suddenly puts two and two together.*  
  
Wario: Wait a sec...we left all our stuff there...all the doors are open...and those three  
haven't come out yet. What am I doing?! I should be there!  
  
*Wario races back toward the building. And meanwhile, Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi are now in Wario's room. Yoshi finds a tub of rotting garlic under his bed which could only be used for an occasional midnight snack. Coins are everywhere, and Luigi thinks about grabbing a few...*  
  
Mario: Don't touch ANYTHING – he probably counts his money nightly.  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, and plus you never know what diseases are stored in this room...ugh...  
  
*Mario sights his empty desk, save for one thing – a small book in an open drawer. Mario walks through the mess on Wario's floor and picks up the book.*  
  
Mario: Hey, you guys...I think I found his diary.  
  
Luigi: Quick, read the latest entry...he could be back...  
  
*Indeed, a furious, wet Wario now hurtles upstairs, flight by flight. Only seconds left until he reaches his room...*  
  
Mario: Wow, he's been through a lot...he actually owns a castle, any of you know that?  
He's had it taken over...I think...twice? It might have been three...but let's see,  
he says he was teleported into a music box, he fell into a giant cavern with weird  
creatures with masks, his castle was transformed into a weird alternate  
dimension...wow – his stuff just goes on and on...  
  
Yoshi: I think he's out of his mind...must be that garlic...  
  
Luigi: Quick though, just read the latest entry! Fast!  
  
Mario: Okay, okay...let's see...here it is. "That idiot Mario's joined some sort of secret  
driving club – I happened to overhear that he's planning on stealing the trophy  
and prize money!..." Hey, that's not true!  
  
Luigi: Just read!  
  
Mario: "It's 8,000 coins – which is really just pocket change, but even just one more  
coin still makes me richer! I've been taking secret drivers' training with the  
Goombas – good guys, they always back me when I get into trouble...but  
anyway, I'm gonna get that trophy and cash right out from under Mario's big  
nose! Bwa ha hah!"  
  
Yoshi: Oh no! Secret training?! That's totally not fair!  
  
Luigi: Sshh!! Someone's out there.  
  
*They throw the diary back into the drawer.*  
  
*The three, sopping wet, step out of Wario's room sheepishly and there, wet, fuming, and with his face contorted in fury, is Wario himself.*  
  
Wario: *Slowly begins walking toward them.* So. Were you having fun in there? IN  
MY ROOM? YOU TRYING TO PASS A LITTLE CAPER BY ME??!!  
  
Luigi: Uh, I...er...you see, we, uh, were...we were...  
  
*Yoshi, strangely, is the only one completely cool.*  
  
Yoshi: Since we were a little late getting our stuff sheltered in our rooms, the fire  
inspectors asked us to help check out the other rooms to make sure there wasn't  
too much damage. You wouldn't happen to know what CAUSED this fire, would  
you? We happened to find a burnt match down near Mario's door. You don't  
know how that might have GOTTEN there, do you? You're perfectly welcome to  
help us...investigate if you'd like to.  
  
Wario: I don't know how it got there, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't help scum like  
you. Keep out of other people's business. I don't care WHAT you were doing.  
And if I catch you in there again, you won't be very happy. Good day.  
  
*Wario goes down the stairs three at a time and soon disappears out through the lobby door. Mario and Luigi turn to Yoshi.*  
  
Luigi: You're BRILLIANT!  
  
Mario: How do YOU think up these things??  
  
Yoshi: I only have trouble dealing with people who are too NICE. Fat, ugly, stupid  
people don't pose any threat to me at all, so I'm not nervous.  
  
Mario: You know what? I've got an idea. Wario's doing secret training for the purpose  
of becoming far more experienced than us, right? Well, that's easily fixed – why  
can't we ALL do secret training so we'll all be at an equal level??  
  
*Yoshi and Luigi look at each other, then back at Mario.*  
  
Luigi: How do YOU think up these things???  
  
Yoshi: Mario...that's...that's perfect! If we're all at an equal level, then everything  
Wario's doing to cheat will be for nothing! We should go to Lakitu as soon as  
possible. Let's see...what if...what if we just did our first normal practice  
tomorrow instead of in three days? We just wouldn't tell Wario, and then it  
would be just like none of this happened in the first place!  
  
Luigi: Whaddya say we go celebrate all this over some lunch?  
  
Mario: Sounds good to me...what should we get?  
  
Luigi: Spaghetti?  
  
Yoshi: I'd kinda like a steak or something...or maybe five steaks...  
  
Mario: Raviolli would be good...  
  
Luigi: Maybe some linguini?  
  
Yoshi: Cheeseburgers?  
  
Mario: I know! Pizza.  
  
Luigi: Sounds good...  
  
Yoshi: Let's get outta here before I get any wetter. Man, I can't STAND water...  
  
*They get on their way, hailing a cabbie from down the road.*  
  
Mario: Yoshi, what's the most you've ever eaten? Do I want to know?  
  
Yoshi: Hmm, let's see...  
  
*Memories of great meals fill his mind.*  
  
Yoshi: I think the one that topped them all was when I ordered 35 prime ribs at some  
restaurant – you should have seen the waiters' expressions – but you really  
should have seen them when I actually finished all of the food and still wanted  
more...I think I also ordered something like five gallons of soup and four caesar  
salads...Eventually I was the only one left in the restaurant because the more I  
ate the more I wanted...yeah, that was a good one. I think later on I came out  
with a 34 second belch.  
  
*Luigi's mouth hangs open, as he is only used to a small salad for a meal, occasionally something a little larger. Mario simply nods in admiration.*  
  
Mario: Sometimes I almost wish I was a Yoshi just so I could eat like that...  
  
Yoshi: Sometimes it does get annoying because it's a tad on the expensive side, but I  
really just need that much...don't worry though, I'm not very hungry this time.  
  
Luigi: Hey you guys, we're here!  
  
*The cab has stopped at a semi-fancy Italian restaurant. Mario pays the cabbie some quick money and they step through the doors with a rush of cool air to the smells of spicy cheese and the sound of sizzling grease.*  
  
Yoshi: Yeah...yeah okay, now I'm hungry.  
  
*They soon, guided by a tall man, sit at a booth near a window. After a lot of debating and arguing, they decide on three extra-large pizzas with everything on them – two for Yoshi, and one for the brothers to share.*  
  
*Of course, sharing had never been their specialty, and this inevitably leads to a race for the most pizza. A hushed argument contines for about five minutes.*  
  
Luigi: You always take the bigger share!  
  
Mario: Look, while we were bickering, Yoshi's already done with one of his, and I've  
already finished three slices. If you want any, just eat it!  
  
*Mario finishes five more, leaves the rest for Luigi, and drains his full bottle of cola in four long gulps. Yoshi finishes not a moment later, while Luigi continues taking small bites – much to the annoyance of the others.*  
  
Yoshi: *Buuurrrrpp...*  
  
Mario: Oh yeah? *Bbuuuuurrrrrppp...*  
  
Yoshi: You're never gonna beat me. *Bbuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrpppp...*  
  
Mario: I'd beat you ANY day. *Buuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrpp...*  
  
Yoshi: That was the same length as mine! We tied!  
  
Luigi: Guys! People are starting to stare...we'd better get out of here...  
  
Mario: Oh, fine...say what you want...you know I really won even though I didn't eat as  
much as you did...  
  
Yoshi: You'd better be quiet, or I'll eat YOU!  
  
Luigi: You know, he probably would...  
  
Mario: Oh, let's just get out of here.  
  
*And they do so, much to the relief of all the customers who witnessed the event.*  
  
Mario: Loser...  
  
Yoshi: Liar...  
  
Luigi: *Bbbuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrppppp....* There, that settles it – okay?!  
  
*Mario and Yoshi are in deadly silence on the returning trip. They glare at Luigi.*  
  
Luigi: Look, someone's organized a volleyball game... *Points across beach.* You  
know, we were always pretty good at that...  
  
Mario: More like I was always pretty good at that...  
  
Yoshi: I was better than both of you combined!  
  
Luigi: Now THAT'S not true.  
  
Yoshi: I'd bet you five coins.  
  
Mario: You're on! Show us the coins.  
  
*Yoshi takes out several gold coins and shows them to the brothers, while Luigi holds out five from himself.*  
  
Mario: All right, I'm the witness – the two of you shake on it.  
  
*Luigi and Yoshi shake, both smirking. Both sides realize that since all three are massively rich from their adventures, a little bet is nothing more than fun.*  
  
*They thank the cabbie, pay him several more coins, and exit in the direction of the game. Only Yoshi, Mario, Luigi, and Toad decide to play, as it's getting dark and most have already gone inside.*  
  
Toad: Let's just play a quick three point game – they won't let us keep the equipment out  
much longer – after one of us wins, we'll carry the points to a foosball tournament  
inside. How's that sound?  
  
Luigi: Sounds good to me...where's the ball?  
  
Yoshi: Over there...I'll get it...  
  
*Yoshi soon returns with the ball.*  
  
Yoshi: Now since I happen to be holding the ball, Toad and I will serve first.  
  
Luigi: WHAT?!  
  
*Toad takes a position behind Yoshi, and Yoshi passes the ball to him. He holds it in both of his arms, as the ball is nearly as big as his head, tosses it up, and headbutts it over the net. It goes a surprising distance, making the Mario brothers remember that Toad is stronger than he appears.*  
  
*Mario leaps and belts it back over the net, Yoshi following it with his eyes. Yoshi races after it, skids to a halt, and punches it in return. However, before it gets far, Luigi jumps to the top of the net and spikes it straight down on the enemy side. Toad lunges to intercept, but too late – Luigi scores a point. Yoshi's eyes narrow very slightly.*  
  
*Mario tosses the ball into the air and launches it across the net to Toad, who reaches with both small arms and makes a short pass to Yoshi. Yoshi raises both fists and slams them into the ball, sending it sailing over once again. Mario and Luigi both stare upward as the ball tumbles down toward them. Both run to return it before it hits, but they smack into each other and fall to the ground. The ball bounces on their side. Luigi and Mario both know that there will probably be an argument after the game.*  
  
Yoshi: One serving one...  
  
*Yoshi flips the ball into the air and belts it again over the net. Mario passes to Luigi, who makes a strong hit in return. Toad receives it and bouces it off his own head, sending it in reverse direction. Mario rears back and makes a strong punch...so strong, that it sends the ball sailing out of bounds and into the sand.*  
  
Luigi: Good work...  
  
Mario: Shut it.  
  
Toad: One more...  
  
*Luigi spins the ball above his head and whacks it to the other side. Yoshi returns with his first headbutt of the game – and Luigi ruins it with another expert spike. Unfortunately for Luigi, Toad had been expecting another spike, and he darts down to the sand to hit it straight in the air. Yoshi runs forward and punches it back. Toad scrambles to his feet. All of Toad's work goes for nothing though, as Mario shortly returns with a hit that sends the ball to land between he and Yoshi.*  
  
Luigi: Next point wins...  
  
*Toad makes his second serve, which the brothers follow and return. This round lasts the longest, as both sides add a bit of extra effort. The ball streaks back and forth, and it would be difficult for the normal bystander to follow. Just when one side seems to have the upper hand, the other side takes the lead. Finally, Mario notices a sizable gap between Yoshi and Toad – this was what he'd been waiting for. He makes a powerful punch to that area, sending Yoshi and Toad running to intercept. Both are too far away, and Yoshi notices this. Using his last option, Yoshi lashes out with his long tongue and snags the ball in mid-air. He sucks his tongue and the ball back toward him, his fist ready for the final punch to end the game. He punches out...but suddenly the ball is nowhere to be seen.*  
  
Mario: What the...where's...the ball?  
  
Yoshi: Oh geez...I think I...might have swallowed it...  
  
Toad: What?!  
  
Yoshi: It's coming...any second now...there's nothing I can do...  
  
Luigi: What is? What's coming?  
  
*Yoshi suddenly squints his eyes in obvious pain. A moment later there is a loud POW, and a white egg with green spots appears in the sand. Yoshi picks it up.*  
  
Toad: So, uh, is the ball...in that egg?  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, but we're never gonna get this thing open...these are indestructable...we'll  
just say you guys won, Mario...  
  
*Yoshi tosses the egg in the air and catches it.*  
  
Yoshi: We may as well give this to the maintenance crew – they might be able to saw it  
open and get the ball back...man, I HATE it when this happens...  
  
Mario: I'll go get the net. Go inside and set up the foosball table – I'll be there in a sec.  
  
Luigi: Okay, see ya inside.  
  
*Mario strings down the net and returns it to the maintenance crew. Soon later, he returns inside, cracking his knuckles, ready to play. Suddenly, something hits him.*  
  
Mario: Oh, wait a sec...what time is it? 7:15? Okay, I gotta go – DK, you play this  
game instead of me. See you guys later...  
  
*Mario runs up the staircase as DK stands, gives Toad a menacing grin, and cracks his massive knuckles with a loud crunch. Toad cowers behind the table in terror.*  
  
*Mario grabs his cap off his head, smooths his troublesome hair somewhat, and puts the cap back on. He knocks on Peach's door, oddly calm.*  
  
Mario: Hey Peach, it's Mario – you ready to go?  
  
*The door opens and all of Mario's self-confidence instantly vanishes. Peach stands in the doorway in a tight-fitting blue dress, holding back a smile at Mario's stunned expression and obvious lack of formal attire.*  
  
Mario: Hey, um...on second thoughts...would you mind if I went and changed first?  
  
Peach: Not at all! You look fine right now anyway though, you know...  
  
*Mario runs back down the hall. Peach closes the door and laughs, remembering Mario's face. The entire reason she really wore her tightest dress in the first place was simply to see that reaction...*  
  
*Minutes later, Mario shows up in a sharp-looking grey suit, an odd yet good-looking color for him. Peach and he walk down the main staircase and exit into the moonlight through the front door of the resort, followed by many stares of shock and amazement. The rattling of the foosball table goes unnoticed by Mario, as he in fact needs to focus upon breathing and walking at the same time, a task very difficult for him while he and Peach are holding hands.*  
  
*The two had decided early on to go to a fancy seafood restaurant on the beach, so they turn into that general direction and fade into the darkness.*  
  
*Meanwhile, in the resort, Yoshi and Toad are struggling. Luigi is crammed to the side as DK takes total control of his side, slamming the handles and sending them into wild spins that somehow always manage to fire the ball directly into the goal. The score is 3-16, as they had decided to continue to 20 when DK had won early on in the game. In fact, the only reason Yoshi and Toad had scored any points at all was because in the very beginning, DK had allowed Luigi to play the defensive position. Soon, with a final slam on the middle handle, the ball disappears.*  
  
Toad: Where'd it go?  
  
Yoshi: It's in the goal...  
  
Luigi: Wow, I didn't even see it...  
  
*DK chuckles, cracks his knuckles again, and walks back to the vending machines.*  
  
Toad: Good game...say, where'd Mario go?  
  
Luigi: I don't know...he's probably eating some food upstairs.  
  
*Luigi is the only one, aside from the doorman and a couple of toads, who saw the two walk out the door, and figures it is best for the others not to know.*  
  
Toad: Okay, I guess I'll talk to him later...I know how seriously he takes his food...  
  
Luigi: You don't know the half of it.  
  
*But unbeknownst to Luigi, Mario hasn't even opened his menu yet. He and Peach are simply talking about recent events with each other – having a small drink helped to calm him down enough to have a normal conversation.*  
  
Peach: Ugh, we've been having to settle trade disputes between Ice Land and Kalimari  
this past month...it hasn't been fun, either – epecially when it involves at least  
245 decrees that all require my consent...a lot of people I know would give  
anything to be in my position, but even though I'm not one of them, I'm not  
willing or allowed to sever our family line and substitute some amateur in my  
place...but enough about politics. What do you think of the racing club?  
  
Mario: I think it's going to be really fun! Luigi and I have just joined.  
  
Peach: Really?? Oh, that's wonderful! When is first practice again?  
  
Mario: Well it was going to be in three days, but it's been changed to tomorrow at 1:00 -  
we found out that Wario is taking secret training to get an unfair advantage, so  
we figured that if we all did the same, we'd all be at an equal level. So our first  
few practices are going to be Wario-free.  
  
Peach: Well that's good news...I wasn't looking forward to that slob being even within  
10 feet of me...  
  
Mario: Oh man, it's been two hours already! Heh, do you still want to order anything?  
  
Peach: No, actually, I'm not that hungry anymore!  
  
Mario: Good, same here.  
  
*This is, of course, not true – Mario's stomach rumbles just low enough that Peach can't hear it. Mario suddenly looks around.*  
  
Mario: That's weird, everyone's gone...guess they forgot about us and closed up!  
  
Peach: Really?  
  
Mario: Yeah, even the waiters and cooks are gone...the lights are off and everything.  
  
Peach: Well, I guess we've got the place to ourselves...  
  
Mario: Yeah, but we probably shouldn't stay for long...  
  
Peach: It's really a beautiful night out...  
  
Mario: Yeah, it is. Well, if you want, I'll take you back to the...  
  
Peach: Wait.  
  
*Peach moves forward, wraps her arms around him and gives him a kiss goodnight.*  
  
Peach: Thank you for tonight, Mario.  
  
*Mario is now completely stunned, but manages to say a few words.*  
  
Mario: It...it was nothing. Have a good night.  
  
*Peach walks out of the restaurant, and Mario suddenly gasps for air, realizing that he'd forgotten to breathe for awhile.*  
  
*Time passes, and Mario too makes his way back to his room, shuts off his light, stumbles onto his bed, and immediately falls asleep. Unfortunately, in his stupor, Mario had forgotten that he no longer had a door to lock...*  
  
*Hours later...*  
  
*Wario approaches room number 908, clutching a tight wad of about 40 paper towels. He emerges a few moments later, chuckling at his ingenious plan.*  
  
*Several more hours later...there are now only two people wide awake – Peach is one of them, lying wide awake in bed – not thinking, but simply staring at the ceiling. Lakitu is the other – he sits at his desk, trying to stay awake. An unfinished diagram sits at his desk, and an oddly modified kart is seen before he files it away, pulls on his nightcap, yawns, and closes the office down for the night.*  
  
*Luigi's eyes pop open the instant the first sunbeam of morning appears. He glances to the right and sees a snoring Mario dead-asleep in his now- wrinkled gray suit. Luigi shakes his head and sighs. He heads to the kitchen and grabs a couple eggs for breakfast. Suddenly he slips backwards and falls on the hard kitchen floor, hurting his legs. It is only then that he realizes he is lying in three inch deep water.*  
  
*He stands, painfully, and sees to his dismay that there are about four gallons of water sitting in the sink, constantly flowing out onto the floor like a small waterfall. He then notices that the faucet is running slowly, and there is a tight wad of about 40 paper towels clogging the drain...*  
  
*Luigi's face turns red, and he quivers with anger. Any kind of mess was always something he had detested – plus, since he knows the antagonist is Wario, he knows it couldn't have been an accident. And a minute later, as nearly always, Luigi is stuck with clean-up duty with the help of only one bucket.*  
  
*At about 11:00, Mario sits up and sees Luigi throwing buckets of water into the now-empty sink. He feels as if he hasn't eaten in a day, and right on cue his stomach roars loudly in protest. In Mario's routine, 11:00 was not the time to eat breakfast. 11:00 was the time to be having his SECOND breakfast.*  
  
Mario: Hey, Weege...  
  
*Whenever Mario felt particularly annoyed at Luigi, he would call him Weege simply because he knew it was something he hated.*  
  
Luigi: What?? I thought I told you to stop calling me that!  
  
Mario: So...am I just gonna have to go get a doughnut downstairs, or what?  
  
Luigi: Yes. I can't make breakfast today, because our dearest friend Wario decided to  
give us a gift of a wad of paper towels! The only problem is, I believe he  
somehow managed to misplace it in our drain, and just happened to leave the  
faucet turned on...so for the past two hours I've been trying to drain a regular  
Midas River out of our kitchen. I figured the longer you were up, the longer  
you'd be hungry, so I just left you asleep.  
  
Mario: I swear, one of these days we ought to do something like this to Wario...  
  
Luigi: No, that would just going down to his level, although I definetely won't say he  
doesn't deserve it...  
  
Mario: Well, first practice is at 1:00 today, if I remember right...  
  
Luigi: Wow, you actually remembered something! You must have been looking forward  
to this a lot...  
  
Mario: Just shut up.  
  
Luigi: And I'd reccomend you get out of that suit before you go downstairs.  
  
Mario: Yeah, well you're more forgetful than I am!  
  
Luigi: *Bursts out laughing.*  
  
*Mario shakes his head and leaves to go shower, while Luigi tosses the last bucket of water off the floor. It's finally clean, and Luigi is satisfied.*  
  
*An hour later, there is a knock on the door. Luigi walks over and opens it – an excited Yoshi is on the other side.*  
  
Yoshi: So are you guys ready to go? We should probably round up the others pretty  
soon...oh, hey Mario!  
  
Mario: Hey...Wario paid us another visit – it's lucky Luigi was here to clean it up...  
  
Yoshi: Oh no, what did he do this time?!  
  
Luigi: Well...we'll tell you later, okay? For now, let's get going.  
  
Yoshi: Sounds good to me. Let's try to keep Wario from trailing us, though.  
  
Mario: That's the idea...  
  
*The three head to Toad's room and knock on the door*  
  
Yoshi: Psst, Toad...! You ready?  
  
Toad: Huh? What? Ready for what? Ooohh...um...I, uh...hold on a sec...  
  
*A moment later, a red-faced Toad appears in the doorway.*  
  
Mario: You forgot about it...didn't you??  
  
Toad: No! Of course not.  
  
*Everyone laughs at his expense.*  
  
*The four next head to 912, the last in their row*  
  
Toad: Hey, DK! Let's go!  
  
DK: Coming...  
  
*DK lumbers out, and they next backtrack to Peach's room. She joins the group, and they talk while Yoshi leads them down the stairway.*  
  
Toad: I think that's everyone...no, we're missing two. Who are they?  
  
Yoshi: Bowser and Wario. Bowser because we don't want to bother him and he'll  
probably get there before us anyway, and Wario because he's already taking  
special training. Don't tell me you forgot that too?  
  
Toad: Oh...um...well, let's go!  
  
*The six head for the resort docks and hop on a ferry to Koopa Troopa Beach.*  
  
Luigi: This is really nice – do you normally take ferries from place to place?  
  
Yoshi: If it's not too far away, we always do. Most everyone seems to like them...  
  
Luigi: And just out of curiosity, are you some sort of moderator for this group? I sort of  
get the impression that they look to you as a second director...  
  
Yoshi: Hah! I'm about the person a director is farthest from. But I do like bossing them  
around sometimes...it's kind of fun...  
  
*They laugh and talk some more, and the ferry soon stops. The group gets off at the beach...Lakitu is waiting, and indeed is also talking to Bowser, who is already there.*  
  
Lakitu: Okay, welcome, everyone! Glad you could make it for another year! We have  
two new members with us today. Please welcome Mario and Luigi!  
  
*All but Wario and Bowser clap and cheer.*  
  
Lakitu: We will be going over some basic skills today for our new members and those of  
you who forgot on vacation...then we'll do our first race!  
  
*Lakitu leaves and returns with a large and boxy remote, which controls a white kart that swerves around under him*  
  
Lakitu: First, basic driving...gas to accelerate, brake to stop, wheel to steer. I would  
hope you know that much already.  
  
*Everyone dully chants "Yes, Lakitu..." as if they had heard the speech already many times before.*  
  
Lakitu: Good. In that case, we'll move onto special techniques. First, you can turn  
around backward while stopped by holding the gas and the brake, and jerking  
the wheel either left or right. *He demonstrates on the white training kart, and it  
spins backward, exactly as Lakitu described* Second, you can do a special drift  
turn by holding this button while driving, *Holds out a pointer and shows a  
button* and you will drift through turns. If you let go of the button at about  
halfway through the turn, your kart will get a boost and shoot forward at double  
speed! *Demonstrates a drift turn* Next, you can back your kart up by holding  
the brake for two seconds. Lastly, you can make your kart bounce by pressing  
this button. *Uses the pointer to show a button next to the drift turn button*  
This is handy for jumping over obstacles or bouncing very high after a long  
drop – it reverses the energy you drop with. You understand?  
  
*Everyone drones "Yes, Lakitu..." once again.*  
  
Lakitu: Great! You'll catch on quickly. Lastly, let's go over items. See this? *Throws  
a box with a question mark on it to group* This is an item box. One random  
item is stored inside each one. All you have to do is grab the box as you drive  
by, and check what's inside. First, you can get a mushroom. These are very  
handy. You see this hole on the back of the kart? Drop mushrooms in here.  
You can hold up to three...then they fall out. When you are ready to use them,  
press this button. *Points out a third button on the kart* It will give your kart a  
tremendous burst of speed until your mushrooms are used up. Each gives you 3  
seconds of boost speed. Next is the star. Drop it in the same hole you used for  
mushrooms, and press the same button you used to activate the mushrooms. It  
will give your kart a shield for a limited amount of time.  
  
Mario: How does that work?  
  
Lakitu: I don't know, but it works. That's what's important. Anyway, you can also  
collect up to three green shells. If you throw one at an opponent and it misses, it  
will continue to bounce off walls and fences around the track until it does hit. If  
it does, it will explode and cause your opponent to go flipping and rolling.  
We've never had any injuries yet... You can also collect up to three red shells. If  
you throw one and it hits, it will have the same effect as a green shell. But if it  
misses, it will race through the track, following the nearest racer until it does hit.  
Next up is the banana. Drop bananas on the road as obstacles. As soon as an  
opponent hits one, they will spin out and stop for a moment. Next is the spiny  
shell. Throw this ahead of you and it will hunt down and crash into every single  
kart in the race, not including your own. When it reaches the last kart it will  
explode, so watch out because the spikes will shoot off in every direction.  
  
Luigi: OK...  
  
*He obviously hadn't been expecting such weaponry in the races.*  
  
Lakitu: The next and the deadliest is the lightning. Throw the model of a lightning bolt  
into the item hole in your kart and press the button and your kart will shoot a  
massive blast of electricity straight up. Seconds later, a lightning bolt will crash  
down on every opponent in the race. They will shrink and drive very slowly for  
about 15 seconds. If you run over a shrunken opponent, they will flatten and  
stop until the effects of the lightning wear off. Be really, really careful with  
this...we've had several injuries involving it. We have a special guest with us  
today! Give him a big welcome!  
  
*A boo appears next to Lakitu*  
  
Lakitu: If you get a model of a ghost, put it in the item hole and press the button. It will  
send out a signal which only boos can here...he will appear near you very soon.  
When he does, tell him one thing you would like him to do for you. The things  
he can do are to steal an item, make you invisible for a time by floating around  
you, or attempt to slow down an opponent. He will disappear after he has done  
what you have asked. Thank you, Boo!  
  
*Boo disappears*  
  
Lakitu: Did you get all that? Those're the rules of our races.  
  
Mario: Yeah.  
  
Lakitu: All right! Great! Now we'll issue out the karts. Pick one and only one, and sign  
your name on this sheet next to the kart you chose. Mario? You're first!  
  
Mario: *Checks paper* Let's see...I kinda like orange, but I think I'll pick red. That  
looks really nice... *Signs*  
  
Lakitu: Luigi?  
  
*All members of the club sign the sheet. Mario picked red, Luigi picked dark green, Peach picked pink, Yoshi picked light green, Toad picked blue, DK picked yellow, and Bowser picked orange, leaving Wario with purple*  
  
Lakitu: All right! We're all set. Let's head to the race course!  
  
*The group heads for the track. The sun shines off the brand new karts sitting at the starting line, and a flock of seagulls flies overhead. Each person sits in their own kart*  
  
Lakitu: All right! Remember the things I said! Ready? Three!  
  
*Mario's hands begin to sweat under his gloves.*  
  
Lakitu: Two!  
  
*Mario and Luigi glance nervously between each other.*  
  
Lakitu: One!  
  
*Mario, then grips the steering wheel, and forces a smile for Peach.*  
  
Lakitu: GO!!!  
  
*Mario and his friends stamp on the gas and zoom away into the distance.*  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	2. Episode II: The Challenge

KART CHAMPIONS  
  
EPISODE II  
  
"THE CHALLENGE"  
  
Lakitu: All right! Remember the things I said! Ready? Three!  
  
*Mario's hands begin to sweat under his gloves.*  
  
Lakitu: Two!  
  
*Mario and Luigi glance nervously between each other.*  
  
Lakitu: One!  
  
*Mario, then grips the steering wheel, and forces a smile for Peach.*  
  
Lakitu: GO!!!  
  
*Mario and his friends stamp on the gas and zoom away into the distance.*  
  
Toad: Comin' at ya!  
  
Mario: Outta the way!  
  
*Mario and Toad, in the lead, fight for first. The first string of item boxes approaches*  
  
Toad: *Snags the one on the left*  
  
Mario: *Gets the one in the middle*  
  
*They open the item boxes, but keep their eyes on the road. Mario gets a red shell*  
  
Toad: Take this! *Drops a banana directly in front of Mario*  
  
Mario: Aaahhh!!! *Spins in circles, but throws his shell*  
  
Toad: *Races around corner, but red shell hits and he tumbles into the water*  
  
*By now, DK and Peach have passed Mario, and Yoshi is approaching*  
  
Yoshi: Hey, Mario! You all right?  
  
Mario: Yeah, I'm fine.  
  
*They approach a ramp with red arrows on it*  
  
Mario: Here goes...  
  
*They shoot over the ramp, and land on the ground*  
  
Mario: I oughta use "bounce" on the next one...  
  
*They fly over the next ramp, but Mario presses his "bounce" button and shoots high in the air, over the next ramp, saving time*  
  
Yoshi: *Drives over ramp normally*  
  
Mario: *Several yards ahead now, approaching DK*  
  
*The next row of item boxes approaches*  
  
Mario: *Grabs the right one, the only one remaining. Opens it, finds a model of a Boo.  
Drops it in the hole in the back of the kart and presses the button. Seconds later,  
a Boo appears*  
  
Mario: Slow DK down for me.  
  
Boo: *Disappears, reappears by DK, flies around and around his head*  
  
DK: Aaahh! Aahhh! *Drives off the side of the road*  
  
Mario: *Zooms past DK, approaches the finish line*  
  
Lakitu: Good going, Mario! Second lap!  
  
*Mario now approaches Luigi*  
  
Luigi: You'll never pass me!  
  
Mario: It would be a sorry day if I didn't...  
  
*They approach the row of item boxes*  
  
Luigi: Let's see what I get...  
  
Mario: *Snatches a star, drops it in the hole in the kart*  
  
Luigi: Take this!! *Fires three red shells at Mario, one after the other*  
  
Mario: *Presses the button quickly, shield forms around Mario, shells bounce off  
harmlessly*  
  
Luigi: Hey! *Steers wildly toward him*  
  
Mario: *Smirks, continues driving.*  
  
Luigi: Did you really think I'd hit you? Geez, I was just trying to freak you out...  
  
*Mario spots a thin ramp that appears to lead over a small island*  
  
Mario: See you at the finish line! *Drives over the ramp, shoots over the island, and  
  
presses "bounce" when he lands – shoots over part of the track*  
  
Luigi: Whoa...  
  
*Unfortunately, Yoshi sees what Mario does, copies him exactly, and now still follows close behind.*  
  
*Mario now approaches a struggling Peach, who seems to be having troubles with her kart.*  
  
Mario: Hey! Peach! What's wrong?  
  
Peach: I dunno...my kart's going all weird...  
  
Mario: What's it doing?  
  
Peach: It keeps sliding through all my turns...  
  
Mario: Check the drift turn button. Is it stuck?  
  
Peach: Yeah, you're right!  
  
Mario: Speaking of drift turns... *Slides around the corner, and lets go, getting a boost  
  
of speed, and rushes past Peach*  
  
*Mario once again approaches Toad, in the lead*  
  
Toad: Haven't you learned your lesson, Mario?  
  
Mario: I'll tell you...after you get second place!  
  
Toad: Well then, I suppose I'll never know! *Throws a green shell behind him*  
  
Mario: *Dodges*  
  
Toad: *Throws two more green shells*  
  
Mario: *Dodges*  
  
Toad: Urrgg...  
  
*Mario snags an item box and checks inside – gets three mushrooms. He drops them all down the hole and presses the button*  
  
Mario: Yee-ha! See you at the finish line!  
  
*Crosses the finish line*  
  
Lakitu: Hold that first! Final lap!  
  
Mario: Yes! I'm gonna make it!  
  
*Suddenly, a spiny shell streaks toward Mario at a blinding speed. It rams into the kart and explodes, but all the spikes miss the kart. Mario and his kart tumble into the water*  
  
Mario: *Chokes on seawater.*  
  
Lakitu: Hey, Mario! *Pulls him and the kart out of the water and back on the track*  
Hurry, quick!  
  
*Mario is now in sixth, with only Bowser behind him. The places are now, from first to last, Toad, Yoshi, Peach, Luigi, DK, Mario, Bowser*  
  
Mario: Oh, boy...  
  
Bowser: Hey, Mario! Not so good now, are you??  
  
Mario: *Goes over the two ramps once again, ignoring Bowser's taunts...suddenly,  
something catches his eye. A ramp, hidden behind a rock, seems to lead into a  
hole in the wall of the island. Mario, thinking he has nothing to lose, drives up  
the ramp and into the hole*  
  
*Bowser thinks Mario just made another mistake, and continues on around the island*  
  
*Toad is streaking for the finish line*  
  
Toad: Yesss!!  
  
*Suddenly, Mario fires out of a tunnel in the island wall and across the finish line, about a foot in front of Toad*  
  
Toad: ...Wha...?  
  
Lakitu: And the winner is...Mario! Great job, Mario! You found the secret entrance!  
  
Mario: All right!  
  
Lakitu: Why don't you and Toad come over here so you won't get hit by whoever that is  
over there...  
  
Yoshi: *Streaks for the finish line* Yes! I got third!...Whoa, Mario! How'd you get up  
here?? *Parks kart*  
  
Mario: Yoshi! Watch out!  
  
*Luigi is hurtling toward Yoshi, and just suddenly notices*  
  
Yoshi: *Does 180 degree spin and just manages to get out of the way*  
  
Luigi: *Covers eyes with hands* Aaaahhhh!!!! *Spins into the water*  
  
Lakitu: *Pulls him out with his fishing rod* Nice spin, Yoshi.  
  
Yoshi: Thanks!  
  
Peach: Here I come! Fifth place!  
  
*Everyone waits, and soon DK shows up, followed closely by Bowser*  
  
Bowser: Aarrgg! Get out of my way!  
  
DK: *Throws three red shells directly into Bowser's kart* Finish!  
  
Lakitu: And that leaves Bowser...ungh...*Pulls him out of the water and stops him from  
tumbling*...with last. Great race, everyone! I saw a lot of good techniques  
being used, and a lot of competitive spirits... *Glances at Bowser*  
  
Bowser: *Glares menacingly*  
  
Lakitu: We'll do one more race at two, but rest up first. There's a lodge up the island  
some – stay there 'till noon. Then we'll do our race and head back to the resort.  
  
Luigi: That was fun!  
  
Mario: Luigi, tell me honestly...how many times did you fall in the water?  
  
Luigi: Um...three.  
  
Peach: I didn't fall in at all...  
  
Toad: Neither did I...  
  
Yoshi: Once.  
  
Mario: Same here.  
  
DK: ......Four...  
  
Bowser: ...  
  
DK: What about you, Bowser?  
  
Bowser: ......  
  
DK: Ookaayy, let's just go to the lodge.  
  
*The seven approach "Troopa Lodge," and sign in for their rooms*  
  
Luigi: Hey, Yoshi! Let's get rooms next to each other again!  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, OK! Hey, Toad? Get the one between Peach and me, like before.  
  
Mario: It's gonna be a little different, but I'd say mostly the same as at the resort...hey  
Yoshi. You know what the best part is? No Wario!  
  
Yoshi: Heh...definetely.  
  
*There is only one floor in the lodge and the rooms are not nearly as fancy as at the resort, but everyone still has a good time*  
  
Mario: Hey, check it out! This place has intercoms!  
  
Luigi: I wonder why?  
  
Mario: I dunno, but I've got an idea...  
  
*Mario explains his plan to Luigi, and he laughs.*  
  
Mario: Okay, ready? You do the voice thing, and I'll turn on the intercom. Make sure  
that one's on.  
  
Luigi: Okay, go for it!  
  
*Mario runs outside to Yoshi's door.*  
  
Mario: Yooossshhiiii.... *Jumps into broom closet in hall.*  
  
Yoshi: *Opens his door, looks around, and walks down hall to investigate.*  
  
Mario: *Jumps into Yoshi's room, flips on intercom sets the trap in the closet, and runs  
back into his room.*  
  
*Yoshi soon decides it is nothing, and walks back to his room.*  
  
Mario: Go!  
  
Luigi: Uh oh, he's back already? I'd better hide quick! *Blows on intercom a few times  
to make shuffling noise.*  
  
Yoshi: Who's there?  
  
*Silence.*  
  
Yoshi: I said WHO'S THERE??  
  
*Yoshi suddenly spies the partially open closet, sneaks over, and slams it open.*  
  
*A giant rubber snake springs out at Yoshi.*  
  
Yoshi: AAAHHH!!! AAHH!! Huh?  
  
*Mario walks in and laughs histerically*  
  
Mario: Hah ha ha ha ha!!  
  
Yoshi: You idiot! That wasn't funny!  
  
Mario: Hah hah hah ha ha ha!!!  
  
Yoshi: Get outta here!  
  
Mario: Oh, come on!  
  
Yoshi: Oh, whatever...let's go eat. Oh, that's right...I'm never eating with you again.  
  
Mario: Come on...you can forgive Luigi, can't you?  
  
Yoshi: No.  
  
Mario: By the way, you still owe me five coins...  
  
Yoshi: Let's just get out of here.  
  
*Mario and Yoshi go for spaghetti, and Luigi wonders where they are*  
  
Luigi: They couldn't have gone far... *Enters Yoshi's room, looks behind things,  
leaves. Decides to go ask Lakitu*  
  
Luigi: *Walks to Lakitu's room - knocks*  
  
Lakitu: Who is it?  
  
Luigi: Luigi.  
  
Lakitu: Oh. Come in!  
  
Luigi: *Walks in, closes door* Hey, do you know where Mario and Yoshi went?  
  
Lakitu: No idea, but Luigi? There's something I'd like to talk to you about.  
  
Luigi: Sure, what?  
  
Lakitu: Bowser has been really quiet recently. I think something's up with him...  
  
Luigi: Seems like there always is...why talk to me about it?  
  
Lakitu: I'd ask Mario to do this, but...since he's not here...  
  
Luigi: You want me to find out what's up with him?  
  
Lakitu: Yes. I knew you'd understand...  
  
Luigi: But I can't do that! I...I, um, I just can't!  
  
Lakitu: Why?  
  
Luigi: I...I...um...oh all right. I'll see what I can do.  
  
*Unfortunately, Bowser has been listening through the door and now formulates a desperate plan to keep Luigi from finding out what he is doing*  
  
Luigi: I guess I'd better be going... *Leaves, enters his room*  
  
*Bowser grabs his plan book and tosses it out the window*  
  
Bowser: I know what's going on anyway.  
  
*By now Mario and Yoshi are returning from their spaghetti lunch, in the middle of a heated argument*  
  
Yoshi: ...the one who started flinging noodles at me in the first place!  
  
Mario: You turned the bowl over!  
  
Yoshi: But I didn't trip the poor man!  
  
Mario: Well, he was being annoying. He couldn't get our order right, anyway! Besides,  
you were the one that started yelling!  
  
*Mario and Yoshi stop as Luigi comes out to greet them*  
  
Luigi: Where were you guys? I got kind of worried...  
  
Mario: You get worried about everything.  
  
Yoshi: Mario and I were thinking...we kind of want to do something, but we don't know  
what. Got any suggestions?  
  
Luigi: Maybe some kind of game?  
  
Yoshi: Like a board game? No way!  
  
Luigi: No, like volleyball!  
  
Mario: Come on, we just played that yesterday.  
  
Luigi: We could eat...  
  
Yoshi: We just did!  
  
Luigi: Without me?? Awww...  
  
Mario: We couldn't find you, so we just left.  
  
Luigi: Ummm, baseball?  
  
Yoshi: We don't have a bat!  
  
Luigi: Geez! Umm, hide and go seek?  
  
Mario: *Glances at Yoshi, then stares at Luigi* You're serious, aren't you??  
  
Luigi: Yeah.  
  
Yoshi: Sure! I don't think I've played that in about 6 years. Let's go get everybody  
else...this should be interesting.  
  
*They manage to get DK and Toad, but no one else wants to play*  
  
Toad: Since we're playing this anyway, I might as well do THIS - 1, 2, 3, NOT IT!!  
  
DK: NOT IT!  
  
Luigi: NOT IT!!  
  
Yoshi: NOT IT!!!  
  
Mario: NOT...aww. OK, I'm it. I'll count to 100. Ready? *Faces wall* Go!  
  
Yoshi: *Runs, whispers to DK for a minute*  
  
DK: *Nods quickly* Good idea.  
  
Yoshi: *Stands on DK's shoulders, gets on top of a tree, and hides in leaves*  
  
*DK, a natural born climber, quickly gets in the tree next to Yoshi*  
  
Mario: ...88...89...90...91...  
  
Toad: Uh oh...  
  
*Luigi and Toad begin running frantically, trying to hide*  
  
Luigi: *Crashes into Toad, both fall down*  
  
Mario: 94...95...96...97...  
  
Toad: *Races like a bullet around to the back of the building to hide*  
  
Mario: ...98...99...  
  
Luigi: *Leaps into thin nearby bush to hide – easy to see*  
  
Mario: ...100! Ready or not, here I come! *Takes a quick glance around* Geez, Luigi!  
I counted to 100...  
  
Luigi: Oh, be quiet.  
  
*Luigi hasn't noticed, but the bush he hid in is directly below Bowser's window*  
  
Luigi: *Begins to walk, suddenly slips on Bowser's book and falls* Whoa!  
  
Mario: Hey, you all right? What did you slip on?  
  
Luigi: *Suddenly sees the book and is prepared to spill everything, but something holds  
him back* Just a leaf. *Stuffs the book into his pocket when Mario isn't  
looking*  
  
Mario: Hmm, where could the others be?  
  
Yoshi (whispering): DK, move so I can see Mario!  
  
DK: No, cause then I won't be able to see!  
  
Yoshi: Move! *Shoves DK to the side*  
  
DK: Don't you push me! *Shoves Yoshi back*  
  
Yoshi: *Pushes DK*  
  
DK: *Falls off the edge, but grabs Yoshi*  
  
*They both fall in a heap on the ground and Mario tags them before they can get away*  
  
Yoshi: Really nice, DK...  
  
DK: You shoved me first!  
  
Yoshi: But you pulled me over the edge! That gave me away!  
  
DK: Because you pushed me over the edge and gave me away!  
  
Mario: *Has just found Toad* You two be quiet. Since I spotted Luigi first, he's it.  
  
Toad: Where'd he go?  
  
DK: I dunno, I guess he went to use the bathroom or something...  
  
Mario: OK then, DK. I saw you second, so that means you're it.  
  
DK: OK. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...  
  
*Meanwhile, Luigi is in his and Mario's room, looking through Bowser's book*  
  
Luigi: This part looks interesting: "Today I came up with a brilliant plan. I've decided  
that when no one is around, I'm going to capture Lakitu and not let him go until  
he pays the ransom! And the ransom is to make Mario get last in our next race!  
Bwa ha ha ha!!" When no one is around? Everyone is outside now! Oh no!  
  
*Luigi knocks on Lakitu's door, and sure enough there is no answer. Luigi now is stuck*  
  
Luigi: Should I tell Mario or confront Bowser myself? Mario's always the hero...I think  
it's my turn! *Boldly marches to Bowser's room and knocks on the door*  
  
Bowser: What??!! *Sounds really stressed*  
  
Luigi: Bowser? I know what you're up to. I won't let you get away with this! Why  
don't you come out and fight?!  
  
*Silence*  
  
Bowser: Wah ha ha ha ha ha hah!! You?!? Ha ha ha ha ha!!  
  
Luigi: If you don't come out, I...I'm going in there!  
  
Bowser: Okay! Come in!  
  
*Luigi opens the door and leaps in. Suddenly there is a loud thump and Luigi falls to the floor. Bowser ties him up and throws him in the closet next to Lakitu*  
  
Bowser (thinking): At some point, Mario's gonna notice. If he asks me, let's  
see...hmm......  
  
*Meanwhile, the game continues outside*  
  
DK: OK, Toad's the last one...man, where is he??  
  
Mario: *Spots Toad on the roof of the lodge, stifles laughter*  
  
Toad: *Disappears from sight*  
  
DK: *Watches Mario, sees where he is looking. Climbs up pole to roof* Toad, what are  
you doing up here? That's against the rules!  
  
Toad: Mario! You gave it away!  
  
Mario: Sorry...oh well. Say, where'd Luigi head off too?  
  
DK: Well, I guess he wasn't in the bathroom...  
  
Mario: I'm gonna go check up on him. Yoshi is officially it!  
  
Yoshi: Aww...OK! 1...2...3...4...5...6...  
  
*Mario heads inside, goes to his room*  
  
Mario: Luigi? *Heads to Yoshi's room*  
  
Mario: Luigi??? *Heads to DK's room*  
  
Mario: Luigi?????  
  
*Mario goes to Peach's room*  
  
Mario: Hey, Peach. Have you seen Luigi?  
  
Peach: I thought he was playing a game with you.  
  
Mario: He was, but he disappeared. He slipped on something, and started acting really  
strangely, and left...  
  
Peach: What did he slip on?  
  
Mario: He said it was a leaf, but I didn't believe him...  
  
Peach: Do you think he hit his head really hard and started wandering around?  
  
Mario: No, I doubt it. But it seems he's not in the lodge, and he's not outside...  
  
Peach: Have you asked anyone else?  
  
Mario: I asked everyone outside, and looked in their rooms. No Luigi.  
  
Peach: What about Wario? Could he have come back?  
  
Mario: There would be no clues leading him to this lodge, so he's probably still at the  
resort. No, it couldn't be Wario.  
  
Peach: Well, who else is there??  
  
Mario: There's that Koopa guy, but he wouldn't know we're here either. I know I'm  
  
missing somebody...  
  
Peach: What about Bowser?  
  
Mario: That's who I forgot...but he probably wouldn't know. I suppose it's worth a try...  
  
Peach: Good luck!  
  
Mario: *Smiles* See you later...  
  
*Mario heads down to Bowser's room*  
  
Mario: Hey, Bowser?  
  
Bowser: Looking for Luigi? I have absolutely no idea where Luigi is.  
  
Mario: Huh? What did you do, Bowser?!  
  
Bowser: *Nasty grin spreads on face* Hmm, I might be willing to make you a little  
deal...I'll race you. One on one. You win, Luigi mysteriously  
appears on your bed the next morning. You lose......heh heh heh...  
  
Mario: When?  
  
Bowser: 12:00. The jungle. You don't show up...guess what? I WIN. Bye, Mario...  
  
Mario: That's our driving session! You won't get away with this!!!  
  
Bowser: I suppose we will find that out, won't we...? *Shoves Mario out, closes door*  
  
*Mario heads for his room, fuming. Bowser had no right to do this. The minutes pass...*  
  
*And the hour arrives! Everyone has already left...*  
  
Mario: *Drives his kart into the heart of the jungle on Koopa Troopa Island*  
  
Bowser: Ah, there you are! I was wondering if you would decide to show up. Not that  
you had much choice...  
  
Mario: Just get on with it.  
  
Bowser (sarcastically): Let's hear a round of applause for our "guests" today! Lakitu  
and Boo!  
  
Lakitu: *Looks pained, gives Mario a pleading look*  
  
Lakitu: 3...  
  
Lakitu: 2...  
  
Lakitu: 1...  
  
Lakitu: GO!!!  
  
*As Lakitu waves the flag, he drops a piece of paper in Mario's kart as it passes by*  
  
*Mario has barely enough time to notice "Get Red" scrawled quickly on the paper*  
  
Bowser: *Has already taken the lead and is approaching the item boxes...grabs middle  
one and opens it*  
  
*Mario grabs the one on the left and opens it. He finds two mushrooms inside, and tosses them into the hole in the kart. Suddenly, before Mario can hit the button, Boo appears and grabs the mushrooms. He then disappears and reappears by Bowser, who puts them in his kart*  
  
Bowser: Bwa ha ha! Let's see you get out of this one, Mario!! *Shoots into the  
distance*  
  
*Coming up next is the first ramp, which leads over a lava pit. Mario flies over the ramp, and lands safely on the other side*  
  
Mario: Whew!  
  
*Suddenly two red shells streak toward Mario. Both explode and Mario flies into the air*  
  
Mario: AAAHHHH!!!! *Lands and tumbles on the ground*  
  
*As soon as Mario gets his bearings, he slams on the gas and shoots through an overpass of low trees. He is approaching a cave in the island wall*  
  
*Inside are many underground lakes and rock formations. Mario, using expert braking tactics, zips around each but keeps up his speed. Coming up is the next row of item boxes. Mario grabs the one in the middle*  
  
Mario: Yes! *Sees a red shell inside*  
  
*Mario decides it would probably be a good idea to hang onto it until he could see Bowser near him, and sets it down in his kart. Just before he reaches the exit of the cave, he notices an odd assortment of colored coconuts*  
  
Mario: That's pretty weird...  
  
*Mario shoots over a ramp that leads over a second pit of lava, and lands safely*  
  
*The finish line now approaches...*  
  
Lakitu: Did you do it? Get red!  
  
*Before Mario can ask what he means, he is already past him*  
  
Mario: *Shoots over the ramp that leads over the first lava pit*  
  
*Suddenly, Mario hears something behind him. Bowser is approaching!*  
  
Mario: Hah! Guess I really got you, huh?! You're behind me!  
  
*They enter the island cave*  
  
Bowser: Wah ha ha ha!!! You don't get it. I'm about to lap you! I'm almost done with  
the race! Wah ha ha ha ha!!! *Zooms past Mario*  
  
Mario: Oh, no! I've gotta do something! *Throws his red shell, but it bumps into a rock  
formation and explodes*  
  
*Mario remembers Lakitu's advice*  
  
Mario: Get red...get red...it doesn't mean anything!!!  
  
*Suddenly, Mario passes the colored coconuts, and spots a large red one*  
  
Mario: Get red!! *Does 180 degree spin, grabs red and races on*  
  
*Cracks open coconut on the side of his kart and three items fall out!*  
  
Mario: *Sees a Boo model, a lightning bolt model, and a triple mushroom* Yes!  
*Throws in the Boo and presses the button*  
  
*A second later, Boo appears near him*  
  
Mario: *Suddenly sees Bowser in the distance, about to fly over the final lava pit* See  
Bowser over there?  
  
Boo: *Nods*  
  
Mario: Slow him down just as he is about to go over the ramp.  
  
Boo: *Disappears*  
  
Mario: Luigi, I'm coming! This had better work... *Throws in the mushroom, but  
watches Bowser in the distance*  
  
*Boo appears directly in front of Bowser's face*  
  
Bowser: AAAHH! ARRRGG! *Spins over the edge of the ramp, not fast enough to  
make it over the lava pit. Falls into lava* AAHHH! OWW! AWWRGH!!  
  
Mario: *Races over Bowser, but still watches him*  
  
*Lakitu isn't at the finish line as Mario passes it, as he is attempting to save Bowser from certain death*  
  
Mario: *Flies over first ramp, and enters cave. He activates the mushroom and slams  
small formations out of the way. This saves a lot of time. Quickly zips around  
other formations and exits the cave*  
  
*As Mario exits, he sees that Lakitu now has a charred Bowser and is about to carry him to land. This is the exact moment Mario had been waiting for: Lakitu is carrying Bowser, but hasn't put him on land yet*  
  
Mario: NOW!! *Slams the lightning into the hole and punches the button. A massive  
blast of electrical energy rockets into the sky, and slams on Lakitu and Bowser*  
  
Lakitu: Owch! Ah! Ow! *Is shocked and drops Bowser back into the lava*  
  
Mario: Yes!!! *Shoots over Lakitu's second rescue scene*  
  
*Lakitu quickly puts Bowser on land, and although he is burned, shocked, and furious, he still quickly catches up to Mario*  
  
Mario: Now I really am ahead of you!  
  
Bowser: Not for long! *Uses a mushroom and rockets ahead of Mario. Is within  
  
viewing distance of the finish line!*  
  
*They reach the final stretch, and the last string of item boxes*  
  
*Mario gets a Boo, and Bowser gets a red shell*  
  
Mario: *Throws in the Boo and presses the button*  
  
*Boo appears, just as Bowser throws his red shell behind him and laughs maniacally*  
  
Mario: Make me invisible! *Slowly fades away as Boo flies around him*  
  
*Because Bowser is the only remaining player that is visible, the red shell changes course, rockets into Bowser as he is about two yards from the finish line, explodes, and causes Bowser to crash backward into the thick underbrush, screaming and cursing*  
  
Mario: *Streaks across the finish line, still invisible*  
  
Bowser: *Quickly gets his kart on the course and goes quickly across the finish line*  
  
YESS!!! BWA HA HA HA! I BEAT MARIO!! I WIN!!!  
  
Mario: *Fades back*  
  
Bowser: What??!! No!! AARRGG! *Rears up and shoots a blast of flame at Mario*  
  
Mario: *Does 180 degree spin and drives out of the way*  
  
Bowser: AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Lakitu: Mario WINS, fair and square!! Now get outta here! If I hear you've done  
anything, to ANYBODY, you will be disqualified from our races and kicked out of  
the club!! You hear me??!  
  
Bowser: *Stamps on the gas and blows dirt and exhaust all over Lakitu and Mario*  
  
Lakitu: Mario! YOU DID IT! This is so great! You're the best! You know? You  
  
might be the best driver we have!!  
  
Mario: Wow! I...uh... *Turns red* Um...thanks. It was for Luigi, though.  
  
Lakitu: Let's go ahead and get back to the lodge. The driving session should be over by  
now. We should see how they did!  
  
*Mario and Lakitu hike to Troopa Lodge*  
  
Peach: Mario!!! *Runs over and hugs him* You're safe!  
  
Mario: Yeah...I...I'm fine...  
  
Peach: I...thought...you weren't coming back...  
  
Mario: Peach...  
  
*Silence for a moment*  
  
Peach: But you're okay! Oh, I'm so happy! *Runs down the hall*  
  
Mario: *Grins, just stands there a minute, and heads for Yoshi's room*  
  
Mario: Hey, Yoshi! How'd the race go??  
  
Yoshi: Trust me, you didn't miss out on much. Lakitu, you, Luigi, and Bowser  
  
disappeared, and our temporary coach was this lame para-goomba who obviously  
had no idea what a race even was. Everybody tried to use your shortcut, because  
Toad went and told everyone exactly how you won, so the race only lasted like  
two minutes. I actually won, DK got second, Peach got third, and Toad got last.  
He was so furious that everyone used "his" shortcut, but he kept missing the cave!  
  
Mario: Huh... I guess I really didn't miss on much!  
  
Yoshi: So...what were you guys doing?  
  
*Mario tells him the story of Luigi's capture, and his and Bowser's secret race*  
  
Yoshi: That no good Koopa! It figures he'd boss everyone around so much. That just  
really stinks. What's really good, though, is that it's just like you never missed  
our driving session anyway. You had your own, and it was probably better than  
ours...  
  
Mario: Hey, you know what? We're about to head back to the resort! Isn't that great?  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, I'm sick of this Troopa-Whatever mudhole. It really shows you just how  
great the resort really is...  
  
Mario: Ha ha! No kidding.  
  
Yoshi: So where's Bowser, Luigi, and Lakitu?  
  
Mario: Bowser's probably already back by now, Luigi's gonna be here tomorrow  
morning, and Lakitu's on his way back.  
  
Yoshi: Wow, Mario! That's really some story. And you came out of it fine! You're a  
great racer, you know. One more race with us and you'll be ready for the big  
leagues!  
  
Mario: ..."Big Leagues?"......  
  
Yoshi: Yeah! Every few months we do a special Kart Grand Prix! Only experienced  
racers are allowed to join it. All of us have been able to go, and it looks like you  
and Luigi could too, the way you're progressing!  
  
Mario: What about Wario?  
  
Yoshi: Y'know, sad as it is, he has been taking that secret training, so he'll probably  
make it in too...  
  
Mario: He's probably force Lakitu to let him in, even if he's not supposed to go....  
  
Yoshi: You've got a point... oh well. Anyway, at this month's grand prix, we're racing  
for the Flower Cup! Lakitu says he's leaving the tracks a surprise, and it's  
supposed to be really fun! A couple of months ago we raced at Luigi Raceway...  
  
Mario: Wait a minute! Luigi Raceway?!  
  
Yoshi: Hey, you've got a Mario Raceway too, y'know... A lotta people think you guys  
are heroes...in fact, I think I've got one too – Yoshi Valley, I believe it's called.  
  
Mario: Well, yeah, but geez! A racetrack for Luigi?!  
  
Yoshi: Well, ANYWAY... We raced at Luigi Raceway, here, and Kalimari Desert.  
We've been all over the world...we even raced at Bowser's Castle when he let  
us!! That's always been everyone's favorite.  
  
Mario: Wow...hey, guess what! Lakitu's coming in! I saw him out your window.  
  
Yoshi: Oh, good. Then we can get off this rock!  
  
*Lakitu arrives, and indeed takes them back to the resort, on a ferry*  
  
*An hour or so later...*  
  
Wario: *Hiding in bushes* Ah! THERE they are! They must be getting on the ferry to  
go to their secret practice!! *Ducks down, and doesn't notice Mario and  
everyone else go inside the lobby* The ferry is about to leave! I'd better get on!  
*Leaps out of the bushes and onto the platform just as the ferry leaves*  
  
*The ferry pulls away into the evening fog. It passes by Koopa Troopa Island and (to Wario's dismay) heads toward Yo'ster Isle. Wario leaps off and swims to the shore of Koopa Troopa Island. He now has find a boat to get back*  
  
Wario: *Spots a passing Koopa* When's the next ferry?!  
  
Koopa: Err... *Glances nervously at Wario* Um...tomorrow, I think...  
  
Wario: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Koopa: Aaaahhh! *Runs in terror*  
  
Wario: You're gonna pay for this, Mario. You're gonna pay...  
  
*At the resort*  
  
Mario: Finally back! *Collapses onto bed*  
  
*Mario's stomach rumbles - he realizes he hasn't eaten since his and Yoshi's spaghetti lunch. He heads for the food that he brought with him and grabs a plate of lasagna. Mario puts it in the microwave and turns it on for two minutes. He sits down and is suddenly, incredibly tired. He puts his head down on the table and...... and suddenly sits up. There is a knock at the door. Someone snickers on the other side. There is the sound of something heavy being dragged on the other side. The person knocks again*  
  
Mario: Who could that be?  
  
*Wario is on the other side of the door! With him, he brings the mashed remains of Mario's destroyed kart!!*  
  
Mario: What did you do?!  
  
Wario: Wah ha ha ha! I've got you now! Now you'll never beat me! You'll NEVER  
MAKE IT TO THE BIG LEAGUES...!  
  
Mario: You...you...how could you do this??!!  
  
Wario: Ha ha hah! You're so scared you can't even FIGHT!! *Barges toward Mario*  
  
Mario: *Is suddenly frozen in place* NO!!!  
  
*Just as Wario hits him, the timer dings. Mario sits up from his place at the table. Wario was never there*  
  
Mario: Man, I musta fallen asleep... that was pretty weird...  
  
*Mario reaches in and takes out the lasagna and is just about to take a bite... and then he suddenly sits up. There is a knock at the door. Someone snickers on the other side. There is the sound of something heavy being dragged on the other side. The person knocks again...exactly like the dream*  
  
Mario: *Freezes in place* No... NO... NO...!!  
  
*The doorknob slowly turns...*  
  
Mario: NO!!!  
  
*The door begins to open...slowly, slowly...*  
  
Mario: NO!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!!  
  
*Directly on the other side of the door...IS......*  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	3. Episode III: The Disappearance

*Note from the author: Watch for "Robo's Story" in the Chrono Trigger  
Section!*  
  
KART CHAMPIONS  
  
EPISODE III  
  
"THE DISAPPEARANCE"  
  
*FEATURING CHEF TORTE FROM SUPER MARIO RPG*  
  
*Mario reaches in and takes the lasagna out of the microwave and is just about to take a bite... and then he suddenly sits up. There is a knock at the door. Someone snickers on the other side. There is the sound of something heavy being dragged on the other side. The person knocks again...exactly like his dream*  
  
Mario: *Freezes in place* No... NO... NO...!!  
  
*The doorknob slowly turns...*  
  
Mario: NO!!!  
  
*The door begins to open...slowly, slowly...*  
  
Mario: NO!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!!  
  
*Several minutes earlier, at Peach's*  
  
Peach: Is it ready, Yoshi?  
  
Yoshi: Uh, yeah! Here, let's put it on the cart.  
  
*Peach has asked the cook at the resort, Chef Torte, to bake a giant cake for Mario*  
  
Peach: I've got this end... Ungh... Why is this cake so heavy?! This should be really  
easy to carry! It's just a cake!! *Holds one side, as Yoshi holds the other*  
  
*They slowly lower it onto the little cart. It is perfect, down to the last frosting bow*  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, that is pretty weird... Let's bring this to Mario's. Oh, this'll be great!  
  
*The two wheel the heavy cart down the hallway to Mario's room*  
  
Yoshi: All right, we're here.  
  
Peach: How're we gonna get it through?  
  
Yoshi: I dunno, I guess that's Mario's problem... *Knocks on the door*  
  
Peach: *Giggles – Is really excited* Hey, Yoshi. Help me with this...  
  
*They drag the heavy cart right up to the door*  
  
Yoshi: *Knocks again* Where is he?  
  
Peach: Let's try the door, maybe he's inside... *Begins to open the door*  
  
*Suddenly there is the sound of something jerking quickly and someone yelling:*  
  
Mario: No... NO... NO...!!  
  
Peach: What was that all about? Mario? Is that you? *Pushes the door open*  
  
Mario: NO!!!  
  
Yoshi: Um, Mario? What's going on??  
  
Mario: NO!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!!  
  
*Peach looks in. Mario is on the floor, his chair toppled backwards. He is wild-eyed, panting, and sweating. He is staring frantically at Peach, Yoshi, and the cake. Bits of lasagna are on the floor and around on his face*  
  
Peach: *Looks in horror* Mario!! Are you all right??? *Rushes in and helps him up*  
  
Mario: Ungh... *Passes out*  
  
Yoshi: Oh, MAN! I wonder what happened to him...  
  
Peach: I don't know, but let's put him on his bed...  
  
*They leave the cake on the floor in Mario's room and lay Mario on his bed. They figure a good-night's rest should cure whatever problem he had...*  
  
*Meanwhile, in the resort kitchen...*  
  
Bowser: Did you do it?? Did you put him in?!  
  
Chef Torte: *Looks guilty, and says in his accent:* Vell, yes...  
  
Bowser: Perfect! Mario will never know!! It's time to get him BACK for what he did to  
me!!! Oh, excellent! *Rushes away* Lakitu said I HAD to give Luigi back,  
but no one ever said I couldn't trade him for Mario!! The only one who saves  
people around here is Mario. But if I have HIM, no one can save him!!! Bwa  
ha ha hah!!  
  
Chef Torte: Vat have I done?! Oh no! I must tell Mario about zees!  
  
*But it is too late...*  
  
*At Mario's room – it's midnight*  
  
Chef Torte's Apprentice: *Jumps out of cake, drags Luigi with him* Okay...zere eez  
  
Mario... *Throws Luigi on other bed, grabs Mario, opens the  
  
door, and runs outside the resort. Bowser's airship is waiting*  
  
*Torte's Apprentice opens the door to the airship and runs inside. Chef Torte, and all of the Bowser's Koopa army are inside*  
  
Bowser: BWA HA HA HA HAH!!! NO ONE TO SAVE YOU NOW, MARIO!!!  
Torte!! I have something for you to do!! *Whispers something in Torte's ear*  
  
Chef Torte: Yes, okay... *Looks at Mario* ...But zees eez not part of ze deal!!  
  
Bowser: As long as I've got THIS... *Takes something out and Torte backs away in  
horror* ...I CAN CHANGE THE DEAL IF I WANT!!! BWA HA HAH!!!  
  
Chef Torte: Okay...okay...I...I...will do zees...  
  
Bowser: See that you do. Iggy! Morton! Get them out of my sight!!  
  
*Bowser leaps out of the airship, and it pulls away into the darkness*  
  
Bowser: There is not one person in this resort who knows about my plot but me!! Torte,  
his apprentice, and Mario are all on the airship! And when Wario returns,  
everyone will think HE did it!!! Mario, it's time to PAY for what you did to  
me!!!! If I hold you until the grand prix is over, guess what Mario?! I WIN.  
  
*Bowser fades into the darkness*  
  
*The hours pass...*  
  
*...And dawn arrives!*  
  
*Luigi, used to getting up early, always wakes at dawn. However, because of his ordeal the previous day, he doesn't wake up at his normal time. In fact, he is still asleep at 8:00. 9:00. Still asleep. 10:00...11:00...will he ever wake up? 12:00...1:00...suddenly, Luigi sits up*  
  
Luigi: Oh geez! This is BAD!! I've slept WAY too long!! I wonder what time it is?!  
*Looks at his watch. His eyes go wide as he looks in horror. All his life, he has  
been prompt, on time. Never late* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*Faints*  
  
*Unfortunately for Luigi, he didn't wake up until 7:30 at night, because he fainted*  
  
*At 7:30, Luigi looks at his watch*  
  
Luigi: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Stands up immediately and  
runs out the door of his room*  
  
Peach: *Opens the door to her room* What's going on?!  
  
*Luigi runs down the hall, screaming in terror. He runs outside, but hears Peach calling and looks behind him. He turns back around and runs directly into a tree. He is knocked unconcious*  
  
Peach: Hmm...oh well! Wonder who that was... *Shuts the door...opens it again as she  
gets an idea. Walks to Toad's room* Hey, Toad!  
  
Toad: *Rushes to the door* Yes, your highness?  
  
Peach: Could you see if you could find Mario and Luigi for me? They've been gone all  
day...it would be really great if you could do that.  
  
Toad: Of course, your majesty. *Begins to walk away*  
  
Peach: *Spins Toad around to face her* I thought I told you to stop calling me that!  
  
Toad: Yes, your maj...err...yes, ma'am... *Begins to walk away*  
  
Peach: *Spins Toad around again* And don't fall in that pit again!  
  
Toad: Of course, your highness. *Begins to walk away*  
  
Peach: *Spins Toad around again* Go on! What's taking so long? Hurry up!  
  
Toad: Err...yes, your majesty. *Runs quickly, barely avoids Peach*  
  
Peach: Hmph... *Turns around and starts to walk away...suddenly, there is a tug on her  
dress. She turns around*  
  
Toad: Sorry, m'lady. I can't find them.  
  
Peach: How did you look for them so fast?  
  
Toad: Well, I went outside, I looked to the left, I stepped with my left foot, I stepped  
with my right foot, I stepped with my left foot, I stepped with my right foot, I  
tripped over a rock, I looked to my right, I got up, I looked behind a bush, I  
stepped with my left foot, I stepped with my...  
  
Peach: Enough with the commentary! I mean how did you do it so fast?!  
  
Toad: Well, Luigi was right there in front of me, but...  
  
Peach: What?! You told me you COULDN'T FIND THEM!!  
  
Toad: Well, see ma'am, you asked me to find Mario AND Luigi, and I only found Luigi  
out there, so you see...  
  
Peach: I DON'T CARE!!!  
  
Toad: Please calm down, your majesty.  
  
Peach: Was Mario there? Or was it only Luigi?!  
  
Toad: No, I'm sorry, it was only Luigi...  
  
Peach: Well then, bring HIM in here!!  
  
Toad: Yes, m'lady. *Speeds off*  
  
Peach: Hmph... *Turns around and starts to walk away...suddenly, there is a tug on her  
dress. She turns around* WHAT?!  
  
Toad: I...err...he's no longer there, your majesty.  
  
Peach: OK, Toad. Here's a little piece of advice. How about you DON'T tell me when  
there is a change of plans??  
  
Toad: Err...yes, your highness. Shall I go look some more?  
  
Peach: *Waves her hand in defeat* You go ahead and do that, Toad. *Goes in her  
room, shuts the door, falls on her bed, and instantly falls asleep*  
  
*It is about 1:00 in the morning. Toad is still searching*  
  
Toad: Hmm...not over there...WHAT THE...?!  
  
*Bowser's airship swoops overhead. Toad ducks down behind a clump of bushes to see*  
  
*The airship slowly lands, the propellors slowing, and once again all is silent*  
  
*Bowser steps out – his gleaming eyes sweeping the darkness. Toad whimpers, cowering in fear. Suddenly, Bowser's eyes seem to lock onto the bushes in which Toad is hiding. He squints, looking directly at Toad, but not quite seeing him. Bowser calls Ludwig out of the airship and whispers something in his ear. And points, directly at Toad's hiding spot. Ludwig nods, and puts on his best evil grimace. He begins to walk toward Toad, growling and sniffing the air*  
  
Toad: *Eyes go wide in horror* Oh no...  
  
*Meanwhile, inside, Peach is having a nightmare*  
  
Peach: No...NO! Mario, stop!...Stop...!...Don't do this...NO!!!  
  
*Her own voice wakes her up. She had been having the same dream for a week: She is captured by Bowser, and Mario sacrifices his life to save her*  
  
Peach: *Sighs, gets up to get a drink of water* Mario...  
  
*A beam of light from the airship shines through the window. Had Peach not have stood up to get a drink, she might not have noticed*  
  
Peach: What's that?? I'd better go have a look.  
  
*On Koopa Troopa Island*  
  
Wario: That idiot LIED TO ME!!! There wasn't a ferry! There wasn't a FERRY!!  
Okay, that's it. I'm gonna swim!! *Dives into the water* Ah! Ahh! It's cold!  
FREEZING!! *Leaps back to shore* NO!!!! I'm gonna GET YOU, MARIO!!!  
  
*Wario grabs a boat that is currently being used by a Koopa for fishing. Wario throws the man out and begins to row back to the resort*  
  
*At the resort, Ludwig is standing directly over the bush*  
  
Ludwig: Nya ha ha hah! *Breathes in deeply, raises his head, rears up, and blows a  
stream of fire directly into the bush*  
  
Bowser: HA HA HA HAH!!!  
  
*The bush slowly turns to a blackened, charred, mess*  
  
Ludwig: NYA HA HA...HUH?!  
  
*Toad is nowhere to be seen*  
  
Bowser: Hmm...guess there wasn't anyone...Ludwig! Look around some more...  
  
Ludwig: Yes, sir! Right on it, sir!  
  
*Ludwig begins stomping through the bushes in the back of the resort. Toad is hiding under the bridge to the Eastern Woods. Unfortunately, Ludwig is headed directly to that area now*  
  
Ludwig: Hmm... *Looks at the bridge*  
  
Toad: Yikes...! *Drops into the river and swims downstream. Gets off at the beach and  
runs for his life*  
  
Ludwig: HEY, YOU!! COME BACK HERE!!! NO!!!! *Throws a stream of fire into  
the foggy air*  
  
Bowser: There's the signal! He's found him!!  
  
Iggy: Should we fly over there sir?  
  
Bowser: Of course, numbskull! Get going!!  
  
*Bowser's airship swoops toward Ludwig and quickly lands*  
  
Bowser: Where?! Where is he?!  
  
Ludwig: I've lost him...  
  
Bowser: Well?! Where'd he go??  
  
Ludwig: *Points downstream* That way.  
  
Bowser: Well? Let's catch him! If word gets out about this, everything will be ruined!!!  
  
Wendy: Ready for takeoff!  
  
*The airship slowly rises into the night sky*  
  
*The hours pass...a sweating, shivering Toad has found refuge on a big stone slab under the dock and has somehow fallen asleep*  
  
*Dawn comes, and Toad awakes, staring directly into Wario's face*  
  
Toad: GYYAAAHHH!!!! *Leaps up and streaks away*  
  
Wario: GWA HA HA HAH!!! Mario had better watch his STEP!! *Barges into the  
distance, toward the resort lobby*  
  
Peach: *Watching through the bushes* Good thing that light woke me up! I might have  
missed this...I'd better warn Mario...if I can ever find him...or Toad...or Luigi...  
*Walks away*  
  
*And what has become of Luigi?*  
  
*Luigi had gotten up between "Toad checks" and run behind the building. There, he fell into a dark hole that he probably wouldn't even have noticed if it were daytime. He landed in a dark, secret room. When he flipped the lights, all he saw was a shelf filled with stuffed cat toys. A real cat was in a cage in the bottom, currently asleep. During that time, Luigi had said:*  
  
Luigi: Cats...CATS...! I'm allergic to csts!!! Ah, AH, AH-CHOO!!!  
  
*His hand had flown up during his sneeze and had flipped the light switch. In the dark, he stumbled into the shelf of stuffed cats and broke it. Stuffed cats went flying everywhere, the broken shelf fell on his head, and he was...you guessed it, knocked out*  
  
*Every so often Bowser or one of his cronies would show up, and grab a stuffed cat, and leave. Fortunately, since Luigi was buried in the cats, Bowser didn't notice. That is where he is currently*  
  
*And what has Mario gotten himself into?*  
  
*Mario is currently hanging on a dirty, stone wall, his hands chained to the bricks. He is dirty, hungry, and in severe pain. Whenever he moves his hands, the shackles only cut into his wrists even more. Let's see how he's doing right now*  
  
Mario: Aahh!...Ungh...  
  
*And that's about it...Mario looks at the Koopa guard*  
  
Mario: Please! Please take these things off...! Let me out of here!!  
  
Koopa: heh heh heh heh. Master Bowser says this's just what ya deserve.  
  
Mario: At least tell me where I am!  
  
Koopa: You're in Bowser's Castle. And you ain't leavin' till he deals with ya.  
  
Mario: Bowser's Castle?! What about the resort?!  
  
Koopa: Oh, you ain't goin' back there fer a long time...so yeh'd best make do with  
watcha got, eh? Heh heh heh.  
  
*Mario thinks..."Hmm, there's gotta be a way to get him down here..." He then gets an idea, and decides he's going to try to pull it off. He clutches his stomach and groans in pain...the Koopa looks at him in curiosity*  
  
Mario: Ooohhhh...Unngghhh...  
  
Koopa: Hey, you! What's goin' on down there?!  
  
Mario: The pain, the pain...  
  
Koopa: What? *Jumps down to Mario's cell* What pain?  
  
Mario: YOURS! *Slams his feet into the Koopa's chest and the Koopa falls down,  
knocked out*  
  
*Mario pulls him up with his feet and grabs the key from the Koopa's pocket. He then undoes the shackles. He jumps out, puts the Koopa in the shackles, and locks them. He drops the key in his pocket, and runs*  
  
*As Mario is running by, Chef Torte yells from one of the other cells:*  
  
Chef Torte: Help!! Geet me out of zees!!!  
  
*Mario stops, and undoes the shackles holding Torte*  
  
Chef Torte: Thank you, Mario! Vat have I done?! Zees eez all my fault!  
  
Mario: That's fine. Let's get out of here!  
  
Chef Torte: Okay, but you must save my apprentice, too! He eez next door!  
  
Mario: Okay, sure. *Undoes the shackles*  
  
Chef Torte's Apprentice: NOW EET EEZ TIME FOR YOU TO DIE!!  
  
Chef Torte: Vat are you talking about?!  
  
Chef Torte's Apprentice: You should have sided wees Meester Bowsehr when you had  
ze chance! But now eet eez too late for you! *Runs down the  
hall* Meester Bowsehr!! Meester Bowsehr!!!  
  
Chef Torte: Vat a shame. I shall never hire heem again!  
  
Mario: Well, we're in trouble now, so let's go as fast as we can!  
  
Chef Torte: Yes!! We must save my cat!!  
  
Mario: ???  
  
*Meanwhile, Luigi has just gotten up. He has brushed off all the stuffed cats and found the ladder out of the room. He finds his way to the front of the resort. It is now 7:00*  
  
Luigi: Yes! It's still morning! I'm finally early...I think I'll go talk to Peach.  
  
*Luigi walks to Peach's room and hears Toad attempting to say something rapidly through chattering teeth to Peach*  
  
Toad: A-and..B–B-Bowser tried t–to kill me...  
  
Peach: Toad! You're sure you're all right?  
  
Toad: Y-yes, your m-majesty.  
  
Peach: Please don't call me that! But why didn't you come in and tell me instead of  
hiding at the beach?  
  
Toad: B-because y-y-you ordered m-me not to t-t-tell you if there was a change of p-p-  
plans...and so I...j-j-just thought that you wouldn't w-want t-t- to hear...  
  
Peach: Toad! You didn't have to do that! I'm not your overlord or something, you  
know. If there's something really important, you don't have to strictly obey my  
every order...  
  
Toad: R-r-really??  
  
Peach: Really.  
  
Toad: Wow!  
  
Peach: Oh, Luigi! THERE you are! Toad was looking for you all night! Would you  
happen to know where Mario is??  
  
Luigi: Well, no, but there's something you've gotta hear about!  
  
*Luigi tells her about the Bowser's strange, secret stuffed-cat room*  
  
Peach: Ooookaayyy, that's a little weird, but then again, what about Bowser isn't?  
*Peach's eyes narrow as she suddenly remembers something* Luigi, when you  
woke up in your room, did you happen to notice if Mario was there??  
  
Luigi: No...  
  
Peach: Too bad, I wish you'd seen...  
  
Luigi: No! I mean "no" as in "no, he wasn't there."  
  
Peach: Ah! Well, that clears something up. I'm willing to bet that Bowser did  
something to that cake we left in Mario's room. THAT was why it was so heavy.  
He just traded Mario for you!  
  
Toad: *Gasps*  
  
Luigi: How much??  
  
Peach: What???  
  
Luigi: How much would you be willing to bet?  
  
Peach: Oh, shut up. ANYWAY, we've got to rescue him!  
  
Toad: But we don't even know where he is!  
  
Peach: Let's check his room...we might find some clues there!  
  
*They go to Mario's room and enter. The chair is still backwards on the floor with the rotten plate of lasagna on top of it. The cake is still there on the floor, with the top busted open*  
  
Luigi: *Points excitedly* Peach! Peach! Look!  
  
Peach: Geez, I see it, I see it!!  
  
Luigi: I win the bet!  
  
Toad: Huh?!  
  
Peach: What bet?  
  
Luigi: Forget it...  
  
Peach: Anyway, that's probably how they got Mario. Bowser must've hid someone in  
the cake, and when Mario was asleep, they just grabbed him and ran...  
  
Toad: You know what? I'll bet Bowser took him to his castle. That's the only other  
place besides the resort that he really could have gone. And no, Luigi, I'm not  
ACTUALLY betting anything.  
  
Luigi: Aww, well then I WILL! I'll bet 5 coins that they took him to Bowser's Castle!  
  
Peach: Luigi, shut up. Toad, you're probably right. But what can we do about it?  
  
Toad: We'll have to get everyone to come with us, but then we can head over there and  
storm the castle! We'll FORCE Bowser to give him back!  
  
Luigi: Oh, THAT should be interesting...I've got a better idea...let's give Bowser  
whatever ransom he's demanding so he'll GIVE Mario back?!  
  
Peach: Luigi, you're driving me NUTS!  
  
Luigi: Okay, okay, whatever...  
  
Toad: Let's go get Yoshi and DK! It's OFF TO BOWSER'S CASTLE!!!  
  
*Wario is listening through the door and hears everything*  
  
Wario: Hmm...Peach and Toad, they're all for this idea, but if I could convince Luigi...  
  
*Wario stalks away*  
  
Peach: Toad, c'mon! Let's go get them!  
  
Toad: Yeah! We'll be right back, Luigi.  
  
Luigi: OK!  
  
*Peach and Toad leave. Minutes later, Wario shows up*  
  
Wario: Hey, it's Luigi, my good friend! *Gives a big fake smile*  
  
Luigi: GYAAAHHHH!!! *Starts to run*  
  
Wario: *Grabs his shirt* And since you're my GOOD FRIEND, I'm sure you wouldn't  
mind DOING a few things for me!!  
  
Luigi: I...um...no, Wario...er...of course not. Would you mind letting go of my shirt?!  
  
Wario: Very NICE of you! Now here's what you've gotta do...  
  
*In Bowser's Castle*  
  
Mario: Torte, hurry! We've gotta get outta here before your friend tells Bowser!!  
  
Chef Torte: He eez not my friend. He vanted cooking experience, but I didn't know...  
  
Mario: Yes, well...  
  
*Suddenly, a loud alarm and red blinking lights fill the hallway*  
  
Mario: Ooohhhh geez, we've gotta get out of here NOW!!!  
  
Chef Torte: Let's go!!  
  
*Three Goomba guards come rushing around the corner. They all focus on Mario*  
  
Goomba: Hold it right there!  
  
Mario: Hold what? THIS? *Takes a mallet out of his pocket and smashes one of them*  
  
*The Goomba is knocked out. Mario begins wrestling with the second. The third, unnoticed, advances slowly forward*  
  
Mario: Take this!! *Slugs the one he was wrestling with, knocks it out* Well, I guess  
that's all of...AAAHHH!!  
  
*The third Goomba pounces toward Mario, its teeth flashing. Suddenly, a spatula appears and smacks the Goomba into oblivion*  
  
Mario: ...Wha... *Turns around to face a panting Torte, who is holding a spatula in his  
left hand*  
  
Chef Torte: I always knew eet would come een handy someday!...  
  
Mario: Thanks! Let's go!!  
  
*Back at the resort*  
  
Toad: Let's go! Here comes the bus!  
  
*They have called the Nimbus Land Bus to help them to Bowser's Castle*  
  
Bus Driver: Hello, folks! Hey, it's the dude in the green hat again! I remember you!  
Here, why doncha pick a movie?!  
  
Luigi: Err, no thanks...  
  
*The bus lifts off and Luigi actually manages not to look out the side once*  
  
*The group is about three-quarters of the way there when the bus has a problem. The bus, every few seconds, gives a violent shake*  
  
Bus Driver: Sorry, folks, just a little bit 'o turbulence, we should be there in no time!  
  
*But the bus continues to shake. Finally, it begins to lose speed, and drop slowly*  
  
Bus Driver: Uh oh! Well, we're comin' down for an emergency landing!  
  
Luigi: AAAHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Peach: We're only dropping at, like, a foot every second or so Luigi...  
  
Luigi: AAAHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Peach: Whatever...  
  
Toad: Luigi, we're coming down on some trees, anyway...  
  
Luigi: AAAHHHHH!!!!!  
  
DK: Geez, at least it's not a desert! And I know my way all around THIS jungle!  
  
Toad: Really? Hey, that's great!  
  
Luigi: AAAHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Yoshi: Luigi, shut up! Ooohhh, bananas!!  
  
DK: *Goes bug-eyed* BANANAS?!  
  
Yoshi: *Lashes out with his long tongue and grabs a banana* Mmmm...  
  
DK: BANANAS?!  
  
Luigi: AAAHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Bus Driver: All right! We're down! Do you guys need a map or somethin' to get out of  
the jungle? I've got one here...  
  
DK: Nah. I can make it outta THIS place with my eyes closed!  
  
Bus Driver: OK. Now, as for YOU... *Begins to work on the bus*  
  
Luigi: AAAHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Yoshi: Luigi, we're down already!!  
  
Luigi: Eh? Oh...  
  
*They walk into the trees*  
  
DK: BANANAS?! *Runs off into the jungle*  
  
Yoshi: Wait for me!!  
  
*Silence for minutes*  
  
Toad: Eh...um...Luigi? Do you know your way outta here?  
  
Luigi: Err...no, what about you, Peach?  
  
Peach: Nope...um...maybe we should just go wait back by the bus?...  
  
Toad: Sounds good to me.  
  
Luigi: Let's go!  
  
*Everyone stands still*  
  
Peach: Err...which way is the bus?  
  
Toad: I dunno...  
  
Luigi: Should we just wait here??  
  
Peach: What if they expect us to keep going?  
  
Toad: But what if we go, and they come back and we're not here?  
  
Luigi: What if we go look for them?  
  
Peach: Does that sound good to you?  
  
Toad: Sure. Let's go! *They leave*  
  
*Only seconds later, DK and Yoshi show up, their arms full of bananas*  
  
DK: Hey, Luigi! Check out.....Luigi??  
  
Yoshi: Where's Toad?  
  
DK: And Peach?  
  
Yoshi: Um...maybe we should just go wait back by the bus?...  
  
DK: Sounds good to me.  
  
Yoshi: Let's go!  
  
*They stand still*  
  
DK: Err...which way is the bus?  
  
Yoshi: I dunno...should we just wait here??  
  
DK: Maybe they expect us to keep going, but what if we go, and they come back and  
we're not here??  
  
Yoshi: What if we go look for them?  
  
DK: Let's go!  
  
Yoshi: Wait a minute. What if they had the exact same conversation we just had? What  
if they're looking for US now?!  
  
DK: That would be very, very bad. I know my way. But they don't. And I don't know  
where in this jungle they might be.  
  
Yoshi: It looks like there's a gap in the trees here. Maybe this is where they went?  
  
DK: Let's go!  
  
*They leave*  
  
*Unfortunately, they are going in exact opposite directions*  
  
*In Bowser's Castle*  
  
Chef Torte: There eez ze stairs! Let's go!  
  
*They go quickly down the stairs*  
  
Mario: OK, now we're in the Main Tower. Right now, we're on the fourth floor. We've  
got to get to the sixth floor, because there is a stairway there that will take us to  
the first floor. Then we can get out.  
  
Chef Torte: How do you know zees much about ze castle?!  
  
Mario: Trust me, I've been here more times than I can count, saving Peach and doing all  
of that. So I really do know where we're going.  
  
Chef Torte: Why go to ze sixth floor to geet to ze first floor, vhen we could just go  
straight to ze first floor??  
  
Mario: You wanna try those stairs and see how far they go?  
  
Chef Torte: *Stands up defiantly* Yes. I do! *Walks to the stairs, and goes down five  
when suddenly starts teetering wildly back and forth. He is on the last stair  
directly above a long, black, empty shaft* Whoa...whoa!!  
  
*Mario rushes over and yanks Torte back into the hallway*  
  
Mario: Get the idea?  
  
Chef Torte: Yes...yes, actually I do.  
  
Mario: So let's go up the stairs instead.  
  
*Mario and Torte reach the fifth floor. They now face a long, narrow passageway over a deep, dark chasm*  
  
Chef Torte: I do not vant to cross here...  
  
Mario: Well, we can't do it anywhere else. Let's go! C'mon, you go first.  
  
Chef Torte: *Takes four steps out on the passage* AAHH...AAAHHHH! *Teeters back  
and forth. Takes six more steps* No! I cannot do zees!! *Stops dead*  
  
Mario: Keep going!!  
  
Chef Torte: *Walks slowly* No, no, no!! I'm going to die!!! *Reaches the other side*  
I'm going to die!!! I'm going to...Err...  
  
Mario: *Goes across* Let's go!!  
  
*They enter the next room*  
  
Chef Torte: Come on!  
  
Goomba: Not so fast.  
  
Mario: *Snorts with laughter* You're outnumbered!  
  
*Suddenly, fourteen Goombas drop from the celing*  
  
Goomba: I don't think so.  
  
*All Goombas simultaneously pull out Bob-ombs from behind their backs and toss them at Mario and Torte*  
  
Mario: Oooohhhh boy...  
  
Chef Torte: I vill take care of zees slime!  
  
*Torte takes out his throwing knives, twirls them in his hands, and tosses them, each with perfect aim, at the Bob-ombs, causing them to explode when struck*  
  
Chef Torte: Gya ha ha!!  
  
*Suddenly, Torte runs out of knives. He takes out his beloved spatula and whacks the last Bob-omb back at the Goombas. It lands in a large group of them, and the Bob-omb explodes, disintegrating all but one*  
  
Goomba: YAAAHHH!!!! *Runs away*  
  
Mario: Very, very good...  
  
Chef Torte: Thank you, thank you. On to floor six!  
  
*They climb the stairs*  
  
*Meanwhile, in the jungle*  
  
DK: Yoshi, we're going in circles. I have a feeling the others are too. Let's just wait  
here for them to catch up with us!  
  
Yoshi: But what if they do the same?  
  
DK: Yoshi, we can't start second-guessing them. Let's just wait and see what happens.  
  
Yoshi: All right, all right...  
  
*On the other side of the jungle*  
  
Toad: Well, we've come full circle.  
  
Luigi: I say we go around again, one more time.  
  
Toad: I'm exhausted!  
  
Peach: Me too...  
  
Luigi: But what if they're right nearby?  
  
Toad: They're not.  
  
Luigi: You don't know that!  
  
Peach: Yes, we do.  
  
Luigi: Well, let's go anyway.  
  
Toad: Man, I thought YOU were the one who didn't want to go!  
  
Peach: He's right, you know. We're only wasting time.  
  
Luigi: Let's get going.  
  
Toad: Oh, all right.  
  
*Not a moment later...*  
  
Luigi: Look! I see them! DK!!! YOSHI!!! OVER HERE!!!  
  
*And the group rejoins, and DK leads them out*  
  
Yoshi: Finally, out of that place...  
  
DK: I rather liked it!  
  
Luigi: Ugh...  
  
Yoshi: HEY! What happened to all my bananas!  
  
DK: Burp...err, what bananas??  
  
Yoshi: Hmm...I wonder where they went...  
  
Luigi: Uh, guys?  
  
Everyone: Yeah?  
  
Luigi: Are you hot?  
  
Everyone: Yes...  
  
Luigi: Well then, you're not gonna like this...  
  
*Ahead of them is a long, long desert with a straight rocky road running down the middle, straight up to the jagged mountains that surround Bowser's Castle*  
  
DK: Oh, geez...  
  
Peach: This is bad...  
  
Toad: Very bad...  
  
Yoshi: Hey! Look overhead!!  
  
*The Nimbus Land Bus soars overhead, led by Lakitu*  
  
Lakitu: Hey, you guys! I thought I might drop by and give you a hand! Guess what  
I'VE got?!  
  
Peach: Hey! You brought our karts!!!  
  
Toad: We're saved!  
  
Lakitu: Thank you, thank you. Now, I thought I might make a little bit of a game out of  
this. I've set up a race course on the desert. The first to reach the mountains  
wins the race! Everyone get set up!  
  
*The group gets in their karts and drive to the starting line*  
  
Lakitu: On your marks...get set...GO!!!  
  
*The group stamps on the gas, leaving a cloud of dust on Lakitu as they streak into the distance. Lakitu clears his throat and wipes the dirt from his eyes*  
  
Lakitu: Bus driver!  
  
Bus Driver: Yes?  
  
Lakitu: Please take me over to the finish line!  
  
Bus Driver: Sure thing! Hop in!  
  
*The bus soars into the clouds*  
  
Yoshi: Hey, Toad! Tell me something – is the road straight or crooked?  
  
Toad: Straight.  
  
Yoshi: Am I in front of you or behind you?  
  
Toad: Behind me.  
  
Yoshi: So, Toad, tell me...do you think a red shell would be fairly difficult to avoid on a  
road like this?  
  
Toad: Err, yes...  
  
Yoshi: Would you like to test that out?  
  
Toad: Um...no!  
  
Yoshi: Well, I would! *Tosses a red shell at Toad*  
  
Toad: GYAAAHHHH!! *Goes tumbling off the road*  
  
Yoshi: HA HA HA HA huh?!  
  
*Two green shells streak toward Yoshi and slam into his kart, shooting him off the track*  
  
Luigi: Yes! I'm winning! I'm winning! I'm...DEAD!! AAHHH!!!  
  
*Luigi has run into a banana and spun out, while Peach streaks directly for him*  
  
Peach: AAAAAHHHH!! *Slams into Luigi and both tumble off track*  
  
*The places are currently, from first to last, DK, Yoshi, Luigi, Toad, Peach*  
  
Luigi: Here I come!  
  
Yoshi: And there I go! *Throws a triple mushroom in the hole and presses the button*  
  
Luigi: Darn... *Grabs the next item box*  
  
Luigi: Ooohhhh...I got a LIGHTNING...  
  
Peach: Did I hear you say you got a LIGHTNING? May I have it??  
  
Luigi: No!  
  
Peach: You must give it to me, or I will take it!  
  
Luigi: No way!!  
  
Peach: Have it your way! *Throws three red shells at him*  
  
Luigi: GAAAHHHH!!!!  
  
*The lightning flies into the air, and Peach catches it*  
  
Peach: Ha ha ha hah!!!  
  
*Peach drops the lightning in the item hole and is just about to use it when Boo steals it*  
  
Peach: NO!!!!  
  
Toad: The lightning belongs to ME!!! *Looks back and snickers at Peach, and runs into  
a cactus. The lightning flies into the air, and lands in Yoshi's kart as it drives by*  
  
Yoshi: Oh, YEAH!! *Throws it to the item hole on the kart, but misses, and it falls on  
the road* NO!!!!  
  
*Toad's kart drives over the lightning and it explodes, sending electricity all over Toad's kart and Toad himself*  
  
Toad: OW! OW! AAHHH!!!! *Drives off-track*  
  
*Lakitu rushes in to save him. He puts him back on the track and returns to the finish line, just in time to see DK flash by. The final race results are, from first to last, DK, Luigi, Yoshi, Toad, Peach*  
  
DK: Yeah! Oh yeah! I win! I win! *DK jumps on his kart and does a little sort-of  
victory dance while the others stare in horror*  
  
Yoshi: Um, that was wonderful, DK. Now how do we get up these mountains???  
  
Peach: Err...I'm not really sure...  
  
Lakitu: I can give you a lift! *Lakitu is once again leading the bus through the air*  
  
DK: The bus! We're saved again!!  
  
Bus Driver: Come on! I'll take you up these mountains! No problem.  
  
Everyone: Great!  
  
*In the castle*  
  
Mario: Well, here we are! Floor number six...  
  
Chef Torte: Eet eez all dark...  
  
Mario: Yeah...we're gonna have to be careful...by the way, don't touch anything except  
the floor. I'll bet they've got alarm systems strung all through those walls.  
  
Chef Torte: You're probably right...WHOA Mario! Look out! You almost walked eento  
a giant Para-Koopa! Eet's asleep right now...  
  
Mario: Whoa! Thanks!  
  
*The two slowly creep around the giant Para-Koopa and his wings and head for the ladder in the back. The Para-Koopa slowly opens one eye and glares menacingly at Mario*  
  
Mario: OK, this ladder will take us to the stairway which leads to the first floor!!  
  
Chef Torte: Uh...Mario??  
  
Mario: Not right now, I'm trying to figure out how to pull this off.  
  
*The giant Para-Koopa stands up and growls*  
  
Chef Torte: MARIO?!  
  
Mario: WHAT?? I'm trying to figure out...OOOHHHH man...  
  
Giant Para-Koopa: Yous not go nowhere.  
  
Chef Torte: Um...actually we will be going, now...  
  
Giant Para-Koopa: RRRGGGHHHH...  
  
*The Koopa swipes his hand down and grabs Torte. He squeezes him until his eyes start to pop out from his head*  
  
Chef Torte: AAAHH!! AAAHH!! PLEASE, STOP!! MARIO!!! HELP ME!!!!  
  
Mario: I'm on my way!  
  
Giant Para-Koopa: Gwa ha ha hah! GWA HA HA HA HA HAH!!!  
  
Mario: Hey! Tub of Lard!! Down here!  
  
Giant Para-Koopa: Yous not call me names!! *Jumps up, hovers for a moment, and  
slams into the ground with such force that the walls begin to crumble  
and shake. He then smacks Mario across the room with his fist*  
  
Mario: ...Ungh...  
  
Chef Torte: Now, eet eez time for you to DIE!! *Takes out a giant cleaver and begins  
hacking away at the Para-Koopa's arm*  
  
Giant Para-Koopa: GYARRRGGGHHH!!! *Throws Torte toward the window. The  
sixth story window*  
  
Chef Torte: NO!!!!!  
  
*Outside*  
  
Luigi: Thanks for the lift, Bus Driver! Now, I wonder what floor Mario is on?  
  
*Suddenly, Torte comes crashing out the window of floor six*  
  
Peach: Well, THAT answers our question.  
  
DK: I've got him! *Catches him and sets him down*  
  
Chef Torte: Hit the...the red button...on floor seven... *Passes out*  
  
Yoshi: I guess I'll stay here while you guys save Mario, just in case he wakes up.  
  
Luigi: OK.  
  
Peach: "Hit the red button on floor seven?" Hmm...  
  
Luigi: Well, let's go!  
  
*The group goes up the giant stairway to floor seven*  
  
Peach: Well, here we are! That alarm is annoying...  
  
Toad: It must mean Mario has escaped!  
  
Peach: There's the red button!  
  
DK: Come on, let's push it!  
  
*All but Luigi walk to the button. DK is just about to press it when a Goomba throws a Bob-omb into the room. Luigi sees it, but doesn't say anything. The Bob-omb explodes, sending Peach, Yoshi, Toad, and DK flying back against the wall. Only Luigi remains able to move*  
  
Toad: Hit...hit...the button...  
  
DK: Yeah, c'mon!...Just...just push it!...  
  
Luigi: NO.  
  
Peach: What?!  
  
Luigi: I said NO, and I mean NO.  
  
Toad: B-but...but why? It's what...what we were trying to...to do.  
  
Luigi: I can't.  
  
*Wario watches through a spy camera*  
  
Wario: My plan is going PERFECTLY. Luigi didn't do what I said, but it'll still work!  
  
*In the sixth floor*  
  
Mario: ...Ungh...  
  
Giant Para-Koopa: Yous gonna now is die!  
  
Mario: NO!...  
  
Giant Para-Koopa: Hyuh hyuh hyuh. *Raises a fist to crush Mario*  
  
DK: Luigi, push the stupid button!!!  
  
Luigi: NO!!!! I would, but I can't!! I'm stuck!!! Maybe I can just reach it...  
  
Peach: Luigi, NO!!  
  
*Luigi accidentally slips and presses the green button. The red button would have shot a laser at the Para-Koopa and killed it. But the GREEN button only enhances its cell structure and makes it larger. Its body is saturated green and instantly begins to grow.*  
  
*Suddenly, the Para-Koopa's head pokes through the seventh floor, directly under DK*  
  
DK: Whooaaaaaa!!!!  
  
*DK and the head rise and smash through the eighth floor. Now the shell rises through the seventh floor, with a battered Mario hanging on*  
  
*DK crashes through the ninth floor, while Mario busts through the eighth. Suddenly, it all stops. The Koopa is as tall as the castle itself*  
  
Gigantic Para-Koopa: DUH HUH HUH HUH!!!  
  
Peach: Oooohhhhhhh boy...  
  
*The Para-Koopa snatches Mario from his shell and throws him over 250 feet in the air*  
  
*Mario streaks toward the ground at an unimaginable speed*  
  
Mario: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Peach: NO!!! NO!!! MARIO!!!!!  
  
*And suddenly, everything goes bvack*  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	4. Episode IV: The Plot

KART CHAMPIONS  
  
EPISODE IV  
  
"THE PLOT"  
  
*Luigi accidentally slips and presses the green button. The red button would have shot a laser at the Para-Koopa and killed it. But the GREEN button only enhances its cell structure and makes it larger. Its body is saturated green and instantly begins to grow.*  
  
*Suddenly, the Para-Koopa's head pokes through the seventh floor, directly under DK*  
  
DK: Whooaaaaaa!!!!  
  
*DK and the head rise and smash through the eighth floor. Now the shell rises through the seventh floor, with a battered Mario hanging on*  
  
*DK crashes through the ninth floor, while Mario busts through the eighth. Suddenly, it all stops. The Koopa is as tall as the castle itself*  
  
Gigantic Para-Koopa: DUH HUH HUH HUH!!!  
  
Peach: Oooohhhhhhh boy...  
  
*The Para-Koopa snatches Mario from his shell and throws him over 250 feet in the air*  
  
*Mario streaks toward the ground at an unimaginable speed*  
  
Mario: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Peach: NO!!! NO!!! MARIO!!!!!  
  
*And suddenly, everything goes black*  
  
*Or rather – white...*  
  
*Mario lifts his head. He is on the floor of the Nimbus Land bus, which just saved him from falling nine stories to the ground below*  
  
Lakitu: You all right there, Mario?  
  
Mario: Uhh...uh, yeah...  
  
Lakitu: Whoa!... What is that?!  
  
Gigantic Para-Koopa: YOUS NOT LEAVE!! *Jumps up in the air and smashes down  
with incredible force – the ground cracks beneath him*  
  
*Torte and Yoshi at ground level trip and fall*  
  
*Bowser's airship flies over suddenly. Bowser looks over the edge, horrified, at what remains of his castle below*  
  
Bowser: NO!!! My castle!!! Koopa! Crush those fools!  
  
Gigantic Para-Koopa: YES, SUH.  
  
*The Koopa suddenly stumbles backwards smashes his massive weight into a pillar. The pillar crumbles, and the structural integrity can hold the level no longer – the north wall tumbles into the canyon.*  
  
*DK is shaken off the Koopa's head, and the bus catches him as well*  
  
*The Valley of Bowser is directly behind the castle, its towering cliffs thriatening to drag the castle down into its depths*  
  
Mario: Hey, BOWSER!! What do you think you're doing?! You'll kill everyone!  
  
Bowser: Well, I...uh...hmm...isn't that the point?!  
  
Mario: Do you want to lose everything? Including your CASTLE??  
  
Bowser: Uh, I...err...no, I suppose not...  
  
Mario: Then call off your giant Koopa!  
  
Bowser (thinking): I can't actually agree with MARIO!  
  
Bowser: Koopa! CRUSH THEM!!  
  
*The Koopa advances forward, steps into another floor of the castle by accident, trips, and falls backward into the endless valley, never to be seen again.*  
  
Bowser: NO!!!  
  
Lakitu: If you don't come clean right NOW, you will be officially disqualified from the  
Flower Cup, which we race for tomorrow!! NOW!!  
  
*A humiliated Bowser approaches, and they make amends...*  
  
*But one person is off by himself*  
  
DK: Hey, Luigi? It's ok...  
  
Luigi: Oh, geez. What did I do? I actually let Wario push me around. How could I do  
that? Oh, man. I...I'm really sorry, guys...  
  
Toad: That's all right, Luigi. It really wasn't even your fault – you were stuck! It turned  
out all right, anyway...wait, WARIO was behind all of this?!  
  
*Everyone is instantly silenced as a defiant voice approaches Bowser*  
  
Torte: BOWSEHR!! Turn over Spot NOW!!  
  
Peaxh: *Turns toward Mario* What?? Do you know what he's talking about??  
  
Mario: All I know is that Bowser was holding some cat of Torte's for ransom...  
  
Peach: Oh...that's pretty weird...  
  
Bowser: Uh...I...don't have your...cat.  
  
Torte: Then what do you keep holdeeng up and showeeng me to make me do what you  
want every time I deecide to do something else?!  
  
Luigi: I know! STUFFED CATS!! I saw his secret room! He's got hundreds! And  
there was a real cat with them!  
  
*Bowser looks stunned for a moment, but attempts to conceal it from everyone else. He then glares menacingly at Luigi*  
  
Torte: Oh is zees ssssoooo!!  
  
Bowser: Hmph!  
  
Lakitu: TALK, Bowser! Or you're gone!  
  
Bowser: Hmm...  
  
Bowser (Thinking): No! My reputation! I CAN'T agree with them! But...a trophy and  
8,000 coins at stake – hmm...I don't have any choice...I WON'T be  
humiliated in front of Mario! Hmm...I know!!  
  
Lakitu: Well?? Speak up!!  
  
Bowser: Sure, I did it! But MARIO stole the cat in the first place! He said if I didn't do  
this, he'd...err...hurt me...really...uh...badly...! Isn't that RIGHT, Mario??  
*Bowser holds up a fist menacingly as if to say, "Say yes or I'll punch your  
lights out!"*  
  
Mario: No, I DIDN'T say that! Don't you threaten me!  
  
Torte: So turn heem ovehr! NOW!!!  
  
Bowser: I said I don't have him!!  
  
DK: Yes, you do! We just proved that!  
  
Bowser: I let him GO!! Gah ha hah! He's GONE!  
  
Peach: Oh, Bowser!! How could you do such a terrible thing?!  
  
Yoshi: Geez, Bowser! I say you go with Torte right NOW and go help him find him!!  
  
Luigi: Yeah!  
  
Toad: You did it. You should help him out!!  
  
Bowser: I refuse.  
  
Yoshi: What? You have to!  
  
Bowser: I'm not going. HE lost the cat, HE can find it easily enough.  
  
DK: Geez, Bowser. You're a real jerk.  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, I know. Let's get out of here.  
  
*Everyone leaves and Bowser trudges inside, chuckling*  
  
Torte: Spot...  
  
*Torte races off, in dispair*  
  
*Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, Toad, and DK return a few hours later, with ice-cream sundaes from the resort kitchen. Torte hasn't returned*  
  
Luigi: Mmm...  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, this is really good...  
  
*Luigi stops and his eyebrows crease. He is suddenly serious*  
  
Luigi: The FLOWER CUP?! We're racing for the FLOWER CUP?!  
  
DK: Luigi, Lakitu said that about two hours ago. That JUST hit you??  
  
Mario: It just took awhile to sink into his pitiful brain!  
  
Luigi: HEY! At least my brain is larger than my stomach!!  
  
Mario: Oh yeah? Well at least wear your own clothes for once!!  
  
Luigi: I do! But I have enough sense not to lose my hat!  
  
Mario: Well, at least I'm not paranoid about waking up at the crack of dawn!  
  
Luigi: Yeah? But at least I don't have a crush on Pe...  
  
Mario: OKAY!! That's the end of that.  
  
Peach: Hmm?! Yes?? Continue your most interesting sentence there, Luigi!  
  
Mario: HEY...!  
  
Peach: Ah...hmm...I'll try to ignore that...  
  
*Everyone snorts with laughter and heads back to the resort for a good night's sleep*  
  
*Wario wakes in the night and walks through the hall, prying at every door, but they are all locked tightly and securely*  
  
Wario: Rrgh...the only one who understands me around here is Bowser. I'll have to talk  
to him more...maybe I'll be able to get some money out of him!  
  
*Wario wanders away muttering to himself about how his profit will greatly increase soon and how he'll be rich and rule over everything*  
  
Wario: Gya ha hah!  
  
*Wario can't sleep, but can't see in the darkness even though there is a large, curving glass window on the outer edge of the hallway that looks out to the sea. He trips over the top stair and tumbles down, lands at the bottom and slams into Bowser's door. He is rendered unconcious*  
  
*Bowser, grumbling, whaps the door open and sees Wario. He takes him into his room, and wakes him up*  
  
*They talk, and form plans. Several unseen evil activities take place...*  
  
*And dawn rises over the water!*  
  
Wario: Uh oh... *Hurries back to his room*  
  
*His door slams, waking Luigi because he is such a light sleeper*  
  
Luigi: Hmm...I wonder what that was...? Well, I might as well get up.  
  
*Luigi stands and stretches, and goes about making breakfast, humming his favorite tune. He grabs an egg from the carton they brought, tosses it over his head behind him, holds a frying pan behind him, and turns it sideways so the left edge is facing up*  
  
*He then tosses the frying pan upward, and the edge smacks the egg in midair. He whirls around, and sees three splotches of raw egg come flying down with two shell pieces and the frying pan*  
  
*At this point, Mario wakes and comes over to the kitchen to watch*  
  
*Luigi snatches the frying pan out of the air, and smacks the shells over the counter into the garbage bin, twirls it in his hand, and tosses it onto his head. He dodges left, right, and left again and catches all three blobs of egg, perfectly, dead center*  
  
*As Mario approaches, he trips over a shoe left lying on the carpet and smacks into Luigi's leg. The eggs splatter onto the floor*  
  
Mario: Ow...  
  
Luigi: You idiot.  
  
*They make toast instead. At 9:00, there is a knock on the door*  
  
Yoshi: Hey, you guys! The first race of the flower cup is today! Guess where it is?!  
  
Mario: Oh, yeah, I'll bet it's Luigiisthebest Stadium or something, isn't it? *Rolls eyes*  
  
Yoshi: Naw, it's Toad's Turnpike! You know that old abandoned freeway? Well,  
Lakitu reopened it and now people can drive on it! So, when we race this one,  
we'd better watch out for cars!  
  
Mario: TOAD'S TURNPIKE?! Gya ha ha hah ha hah hah hah!!! AH HA HA HAH!!  
  
Yoshi: I know...I don't get this one either...Toad wasn't really ever a hero or anything,  
but I guess he's got some fans out there. Maybe they were just running out of  
name ideas or something...  
  
Mario: Hee hee hee! Oh, that's the best one I've heard all day! Toad's Turnpike!  
  
Yoshi: Well, ANYWAY...the race is in two hours, so you'd better be ready!  
  
Luigi: Right. Thanks, Yoshi! Say, what's wrong with Luigiisthebest Stadium?!  
  
Mario: Luigi, I've got a small piece of advice.  
  
Luigi: Yes?  
  
Mario: Shut.  
  
Luigi: Yeah? What else?  
  
Mario: Up.  
  
Luigi: Ah...hmm...  
  
*The first hour passes, and they are becoming bored out of their skulls*  
  
Mario: Hey, Luigi?  
  
Luigi: Eh?  
  
Mario: We need to do something.  
  
Luigi: Like what?  
  
Mario: I dunno...  
  
*They sit staring at each other*  
  
*Ten more minutes pass*  
  
Mario: Hey, Luigi?  
  
Luigi: Eh?  
  
Mario: We REALLY need to do something.  
  
Luigi: Well, uh...let's get Yoshi. He always seems to be able to figure these things out...  
  
Mario: Good idea.  
  
*They go and get Yoshi*  
  
Mario: Hey Yoshi?  
  
Yoshi: What?  
  
Luigi: We need to do something.  
  
Yoshi: Like what?  
  
Mario: Well, we were sort of hoping you might be able to think of something...  
  
Yoshi: What do you think, Luigi?  
  
Luigi: Maybe some kind of game?  
  
Yoshi: Like a board game? No way!  
  
Luigi: No, like volleyball!  
  
Mario: Come on, we just played that like a week ago.  
  
Luigi: We could eat...  
  
Yoshi: We just did!  
  
Luigi: Oh, yeah...hmm...  
  
Mario: Well?  
  
Luigi: Ummm, baseball?  
  
Yoshi: We don't have a bat!  
  
Luigi: Geez! Umm, hide and go seek?  
  
Mario: *Looks at Yoshi* I guess I'm fine with that. Oh, WAIT! No, no, I'm NOT fine  
with that! We just had this conversation a couple of days ago and when we  
played it, well, look where it lead!  
  
Yoshi: Good point, good point...well, in that case...umm...let's ask DK.  
  
Luigi: Aww, we were hoping we wouldn't have to go to a bunch of different people to  
find out something to do...  
  
Yoshi: Well, that's no problem! Don't worry about that.  
  
Mario: Why?  
  
Yoshi: 'Cause DK's a gorilla! *Starts cackling uproariously*  
  
Luigi: I...uh...I don't get it...  
  
Mario: Luigi.  
  
Luigi: Yes?  
  
Mario: My advice still stands.  
  
Luigi: Ah...hmm...  
  
Yoshi: Well, let's go ask DK anyway.  
  
*They head over to DK's*  
  
Luigi: Hey DK?  
  
DK: What?  
  
Yoshi: We need to do something.  
  
DK: Like what?  
  
*Luigi and Yoshi look at each other in exasperation*  
  
Mario: Never mind...  
  
DK: Oh, did you want me to come up with something?  
  
Luigi: YES!  
  
DK: Oh, OK. How about, uh...hmm...let me think...  
  
Yoshi: *Sighs*  
  
DK: We could eat. Maybe play a board game? What about volleyball? Baseball?  
  
Luigi: GYAAAHHHH!!!!!  
  
Yoshi: Oh, well...it's time for the race anyway...  
  
Mario: Well, that was pointless...  
  
Yoshi: Well, anyways, keep in mind that this is gonna be the hardest race we've ever  
raced before! This is the fifth of about sixteen races before the final award, the  
trophy and the coins!  
  
DK: What is this, a pep talk? Let's get out of here!  
  
Toad: DK?  
  
DK: What?  
  
Toad: I have a special request.  
  
DK: What is it?  
  
Toad: Should you happen to win the Flower Cup...  
  
DK: Yes??  
  
Toad: PLEASE do not do your victory dance. You will find that it disgusts me greatly.  
  
DK: Hmm...I'll think about it...  
  
*The group leaves for the track, followed by a surreptitious-looking Wario and Bowser, in the middle of rapt conversation*  
  
Bowser: So. Did you do it?  
  
Wario: What? You doubt me? I'm the best person around for this type of HIGH  
PAYING job. I'm the best at a lot of HIGH PAYING jobs.  
  
Bowser: I see! I'll be interested to see when you find one!  
  
*Several choice words are presently edited out of Wario's speech to keep the rating at G*  
  
Bowser: Hm?? What was that you said??  
  
Wario: What? I said...I...uh, think you're the best guy around...  
  
Bowser: Ah...hmm.  
  
*As the group walks down the trail to get their karts, a Snifit leaps into their path*  
  
Snifit: Mario! There is something you must know!  
  
Mario: Eh? What?  
  
Snifit: Come here, sir.  
  
*The Snifit leaps into the trees*  
  
Mario: You guys? Go ahead and keep going – I'll catch up!  
  
Peach: Are you sure?? *Looks nervously at the Snifit*  
  
Mario: Sure. Just go ahead!  
  
*The group continues on*  
  
Mario: OK, so what is it?  
  
Snifit: Mr. Mario, sir, you must not show at the race!  
  
Mario: Huh? Why?  
  
Snifit: Danger, sir! Terrible, terrible danger!  
  
Mario: *Becomes concerned* What sort of danger?!  
  
Snifit: Awful, terrible danger, sir! Please, you musn't go!  
  
Mario: Well, if there's danger, I'll go help whoever's in trouble!  
  
Snifit: Ah, so valiant, sir! You have quite a following, you know, among many of us...  
What?! No! YOU, sir, are the one in current danger! And you MUST NOT  
PARTICIPATE IN THE RACE!!  
  
Mario: WHY?? What is this awful danger?  
  
Snifit: Evil, evil plots – dark matters are at work, here. The farther you go down that  
path, the worse your situation becomes!! You must turn back! Turn back now,  
before you find out what it is I am warning you of! You must go back, gather  
your things, and LEAVE THE RESORT as quickly as possible! Go, Mario sir!!  
The longer you stay, the more you endanger your life and others! This resort is  
no longer SAFE!!! You are dealing with dark, dark secrets. GO!!!  
  
*The Snifit disappears into the darkness*  
  
Mario: Wait! What is it?! What is the danger?!  
  
*Silence*  
  
Mario: WAIT!!! I HAVE TO KNOW!!!  
  
*Silence*  
  
Mario: THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!  
  
*Silence*  
  
*Far up the trail, the group continues on*  
  
Peach: Where's Mario?? I'm getting worried about him.  
  
Yoshi: I wonder where he went...  
  
Luigi: You don't think he was kidnapped again, do you??  
  
DK: Naw, and he'd probably get out of it, anyway.  
  
Peach: I hope he's okay...  
  
Yoshi: Me too.  
  
*They continue on, and reach the area where Lakitu waits with the bus and their karts*  
  
Lakitu: Hey, guys! Where'd Mario head off to?  
  
Yoshi: We don't know, but he'll probably end up there before us anyway.  
  
Lakitu: Hey! Aren't Wario and Bowser missing, too??  
  
Luigi: Yeah...I guess they are...  
  
DK: It's no wonder. No one ever notices them...  
  
Peach: They better not have something to do with wherever Mario is.  
  
Lakitu: I hope you're right.  
  
*They get in the bus and it lifts off slowly into the clouds*  
  
*And where are Bowser and Wario?*  
  
*They are stumbling through the underbrush, hunting for Mario*  
  
Wario: Blasted Mario! This is his fault!!  
  
Bowser: I called you know who – he's got it all set up.  
  
Wario: Perfect! Hey Bowser?  
  
Bowser: What?  
  
Wario: No one HEARD those plans, right...?  
  
Bowser: I don't think so...  
  
Wario: If anyone did, the plan's history!  
  
Bowser: I...well...hmm...  
  
Wario: What?? What is it?!  
  
Bowser: What if they all left?  
  
Wario: Well, then we can't go through with the plan! If we can't get Mario there, we  
can't do it! And we have to tell...  
  
Bowser: SSHH!!! Anyone could be listening.  
  
Wario: And we have to tell you know who before Mario gets there!  
  
Bowser: Right. So we have to find him.  
  
Wario: What if they all left?  
  
Bowser: Shut up. I just said that!  
  
Wario: I never really wanted to do this, you know. You forced me to do it!  
  
Bowser: I did not.  
  
Wario: You did! You made it sound like I could earn a lot of coins!  
  
Bowser: Well, I suppose that would force you to...  
  
Wario: SSHH!!! You hear that?  
  
Bowser: *Strains to hear*  
  
*Mario is walking along the path, saying:*  
  
Mario: NOW what'll I do?? Danger. Hmm... gotta find out what. Maybe I could find  
another way there...the bus is gone...  
  
*Mario heads back to the resort*  
  
*Bowser and Wario look at each other evilly*  
  
*Meanwhile, in the bus, Luigi has fallen asleep. The others are extremely bored, another old science fiction movie is playing. Everyone is silent, tired and bored. Except Peach*  
  
Peach: Oh, I'm getting really worried about Mario!  
  
Yoshi: For the last time, he's FINE! Nothing is wrong with him!  
  
Peach: But you don't know that!  
  
DK: Peach, he's probably already there anyway. Don't WORRY!  
  
Peach: But I do, and I think he's in trouble.  
  
Toad: Well, please stop thinking that. We've got about an hour before sundown and  
we'll be there long after dark, so we might as well just sleep now. We won't be  
able to at all when we get there.  
  
Yoshi: That sounds good to me... *Yawns* I dunno about you guys, but I'm ready to go  
to sleep about now...  
  
DK: Me too. 'Night, you guys. *Instantly falls asleep*  
  
Toad: I've always wondered how he does that...  
  
*At the resort, Mario enters the lobby and thinks for a moment*  
  
Mario: Let's see...the entire resort is on an island. I can't go over it – the bus is gone. I  
can't go on it, 'cause I'd be late. What if I went under it...?  
  
*Mario talks to the desk clerk*  
  
Mario: Excuse me, ma'am, but can you tell me if you have any information about renting  
equipment for underwater exploration, and that sort of thing?  
  
Clerk: Of course sir......sir? You may rent the Blue Marine, a state-of- the-art, high-tech  
mini-sub with lots of extra features for 100 coins per use, or you can rent our  
diving special, with all the swimming gear you'll need and extra air supplies.  
This includes a special headlamp accessory, all for 50 coins per use. To rent these  
and other special offers, visit our tours section down the hall that way. *Points*  
  
Mario: Thank you! *Walks down the hall*  
  
*Mario reaches the tours area and talks to the main manager*  
  
Mario: Can I have a look at your latest offers?  
  
Manager: Of COURSE, sir. *Shows the Blue Marine, the diving set, and several others*  
  
Mario: HEY! *Points to the Blue Marine* I think I used that when I was in Sarassa  
Land! How did you get that??  
  
Manager: We constructed it as a replica of the ones used 20 years ago, just with new  
features. We liked the older style...  
  
Mario: Well anyway, I'd like to rent the Blue Marine for one usage.  
  
Manager: All right sir, that will be 100 coins. Have an enjoyable trip.  
  
*Mario seats himself in the mini-sub and it is placed on a boat. The boat sails out to sea, and the sub is pushed over into the water*  
  
Mario: All right! Just like my old one. Okay, time to catch up with everyone else!  
  
*The sub zooms into the darkness*  
  
*It is now 1:15 in the morning. Everyone but Peach is asleep, and the bus is coming in for a quiet landing in the desert. The crickets chirp softly, and bats fly overhead*  
  
Peach: Hey everyone! *Peach whispers* We're here!  
  
DK: Oooohhhhhh...I'm tired. *Gets up slowly*  
  
*Everyone finally stands up and stretches on the rocky ground*  
  
Lakitu: Everyone up? OK, our first race of the Grand Prix season! I'm sure you're all  
so pumped up and excited!  
  
*Lakitu looks, grinning, at the glum faces that surround him*  
  
Lakitu: Come on now, wake up, you guys! We race at dawn. You know the rules, right?  
The grand prix rules are a little different. The race is the same, but if you get  
first place, you get 9 of what we call "placement points." If you get second  
place, you get 6 points, third place you get 3 points, fourth place is one point,  
and fifth and below don't count for any points. At the end of all the four races of  
the grand prix, the racer with the most points will win the prized Flower Cup!  
You got all that? OK, now we're going to need a volunteer to tell Mario, Wario,  
and Bowser this when they get here.  
  
Luigi: I guess I'll do it.  
  
Lakitu: All right, Luigi. Thank you. Oh, yes...in the area where you will be training  
before the race, we will have a scoreboard showing everyone's current amount  
of points. We'll have this set up somewhere every race. Another thing. In  
every Grand Prix race we do, there will always be one special item box hidden  
somewhere. In this box, you will find a map for the race – this will show all of  
the special rules, secret entrances and shortcuts in the area. Good luck! Our  
training building is right this way, come along...  
  
*Lakitu guides them into a bunker-like building at the side of the freeway*  
  
Toad: Why are we racing at dawn?  
  
Lakitu: Since I reopened the freeway, a lot of people have been driving on it. If we race  
at dawn, not as many people will be here.  
  
Toad: Oh, OK. Why didn't you just cancel traffic?  
  
Lakitu: Well, I figured SOME cars might make this interesting.  
  
DK: Hey, cool! Computers!  
  
*DK runs in the building and sits down in front of one of the monitors*  
  
DK: So where's the Start button? How do I play? *Starts pressing random buttons*  
  
Lakitu: DK!!! Get AWAY FROM THAT!!!  
  
DK: Um, OK.  
  
Lakitu: You just deleted a program we had to buy for 20,000 coins just yesterday. We  
haven't even used it yet. You're lucky you didn't have to pay for it! Our funds  
will take care of it, don't worry...  
  
DK: Oh...uh, sorry about that...  
  
Lakitu: No, no, it's fine. Just don't do it again. OK everyone, this is our simulator  
room. These computers will show you a fake race, and you can control your  
character using the keyboard. The buttons you'll use are, A, B, Z, L, R,  
Start...you get the idea. Anyway, give it your best shot, and try to improve on  
your old methods! These things are really fun, I get addicted after awhile.  
  
Luigi: All, right! This is great!  
  
*Suddenly, a rumbling stops all of them. It appears to be coming through the ground...*  
  
Toad: Hey, w...what is that??  
  
Yoshi: I don't know...this is really weird...an earthquake maybe? Naw...  
  
*Everyone stares at the floor*  
  
*Suddenly, with a gigantic spray of water, the Blue Marine appears, with drills spinning on the top, making a high-pitched whine*  
  
DK: GGYYYAAAHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
*Mario steps out, dripping wet*  
  
Mario: Hey, you guys!  
  
Luigi: OK, Mario, the Grand Prix rules are a little bit different. See, there are these  
things called "placement points." When you get...  
  
Latiku: Luigi, this is not the time. Are you all right, Mario?  
  
Mario: Yeah, sure! The bus was already gone, and I certainly couldn't walk or rent a  
plane, so I just got a sub instead.  
  
Peach: OH MARIO!! I'm so glad you're OK...! *Runs over and hugs him*  
  
Mario: ...Peach......  
  
*Meanwhile, at the resort*  
  
Bowser: I don't believe this...where could he have gone so quickly??  
  
Wario: Let's ask the desk clerk.  
  
Bowser: Good idea. If he's here, the clerk will know.  
  
*They walk into the lobby*  
  
Wario: Hey! Where's Mario? *Wario asks very rudely, and then burps*  
  
Clerk: Well, SIR, maybe you should go look for him OUTSIDE!  
  
Wario: Ah, stuff it. *Snatches the book from behind the counter* Let's  
see...Mario...Mario...nope, not here. *Throws the book at the clerk* Here you  
go. Let's get outta here, Bowser.  
  
*The two leave the resort*  
  
Bowser: Er...nicely done...  
  
Wario: Thank you. Well anyways, maybe he's already there?  
  
Bowser: I'll bet you're right. But that's very very bad...let's go to the mail service. We  
need to tell you know who before the race starts. And we need to get there  
ourselves! Let's go.  
  
*They go to the mail service and hire a para-koopa to deliver the message to the mystery person. The para-koopa flies out the window into the darkness*  
  
Wario: Here ya go, 15 coins. *Digs them out of his pocket and hands them over*  
  
*They leave the mail service*  
  
Bowser: Let me guess...  
  
Wario: Yeah?  
  
Bowser: They were counterfeit?  
  
Wario: Of course! You think I'm gonna waste my profits on a dumb mail service?!  
  
Bowser: I should have known. Let's go to the ferry service. We've got to get there  
really soon...the race starts at dawn.  
  
Wario: OK, let's go.  
  
*The two hire the ferry and Wario pays more counterfeit coins. Bowser's and Wario's plan is now in action...*  
  
*At the training facility...*  
  
Luigi: All right, take THIS!! *Slams his finger down on R*  
  
Luigi: Wait a minute, that was drift turn! Oh nnnoooo!!!! *Tumbles into the water*  
  
Mario: These simulator thingies are really cool...I've gotta get one!  
  
*They play with the simulators for another hour*  
  
Yoshi: Lakitu, I've gotta use the restroom. Can I go for a minute?  
  
Lakitu: Sure, just come right back!  
  
Yoshi: OK.  
  
*Yoshi leaves the room and walks down the sandy road to the restroom*  
  
*Just before he enters, he notices a para-koopa flying in the distance, carrying a message*  
  
Yoshi: Mail call? Out here? Yeah right. *Yoshi enters the restroom*  
  
*Yoshi suddenly comes back out again, concerned*  
  
Yoshi: Wait a minute...where is that going?! That's the shed where our karts are stored!!  
  
*Yoshi starts walking in that direction*  
  
Yoshi: There must be someone in there, to take that message! That can only mean  
someone could be sabotaging the karts!! And that most likely would  
mean...someone's got it in for Mario!!! *Breaks into a full run to the dark shed*  
  
*Wario and Bowser are now arriving at the edge of the desert*  
  
Bowser: THANK you, for your most wonderful ride!  
  
Driver: Uh, you're welcome, sir...  
  
*The two jump off and start running for the bunker in the far distance. They don't see Yoshi just reaching the edge of the shed*  
  
*Yoshi suddenly stops*  
  
Yoshi: Wait a sec. The only person who would do that would be Bowser, and probably  
Wario. But if they're in there, then...oh wait, no...I see them now, way over by  
the bunker...OK then, they can't be behind this. Then who is...?  
  
*By the bunker*  
  
Bowser: See, Wario, the plan goes like this. Everyone will see us in the bunker, right?  
If we time it right, no one will see us go in. When we are noticed, and they ask,  
we say we came about 10 minutes after they did. They must have been TOO  
wrapped up in their games to even notice! Got it? Meanwhile, Kammy...um...I  
mean you know who does the work in the shed. That's why we sent the  
message. This way, it COULDN'T have been US who did it, right?? Because  
we really didn't!! We HIRED someone!! Gah ha hah! OK, Wario, let's pull  
this off.  
  
*Wario and Bowser ease the door open slowly, slowly, and slip inside. Everyone's backs are turned to the simulators – even Lakitu's. There are two blank computers near the door, so they quickly sit down at those and turn them on. No one notices, and soon they are in the middle of a very involving race...*  
  
Lakitu: Oh, hey, you guys! You figure this out yet?  
  
Bowser: 'Course! You know, we did get here only about 10 minutes after you did. You  
must not have noticed...  
  
Lakitu: You're right! I'm really sorry, you guys...well, have fun with the simulators!  
They're really great! Never EVEN noticed you guys...really sorry...  
  
*Lakitu turns back around*  
  
*Wario glances at Bowser for a moment with a sly look on his face*  
  
*Meanwhile, outside...*  
  
*Yoshi is getting frightened. He decides to enter the dark, deserted shed to see what is going on in there*  
  
Yoshi: I wonder what they were doing – looked like they were talking...but all I heard  
was the words "hired someone." I wonder what they were talking about...well,  
here goes... *Pushes open the creaking door. Suddenly stops, in horror, at the  
sight. Then is hit over the head by something and everything goes black*  
  
*The minutes pass. Now there is only a half hour before the race. Yoshi wakes up, groaning. He is dizzy – sitting at the seat of one of the simulators in the room*  
  
Yoshi: Huh? Hey! W-why am I here?!  
  
Mario: Probably because we're training for the race in a half-hour!  
  
Yoshi: No! Everyone stop!!  
  
*Yoshi stands up on his chair and states*  
  
Yoshi: Someone messed with Mario's kart!! I SAW it! They were in the shed and then  
they laughed and...  
  
Lakitu: Yoshi! Yoshi! Calm down! NO ONE is messing with the karts. I think you  
must have had a nightmare!  
  
Yoshi: No! It's real! I swear, I saw it!!  
  
Lakitu: Yoshi, please calm down and stop making a scene! It's OK, everyone, keep  
going with the training...OK Yoshi. Then tell me...how did you get here?  
  
Yoshi: Uh, I...er, don't know.  
  
Lakitu: Then there you go! You've been here the whole TIME! It was just a dream.  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, maybe you're right. *Shudders*  
  
*Bowser glances at Wario slyly for just a moment*  
  
Toad: Yes! I won! I won!  
  
Lakitu: *Goes over to watch* GREAT job, Toad! Keep up that good racing!  
  
*Outside, the infamous sinister Kammy Koopa is soaring away into the darkness*  
  
*More minutes pass...*  
  
*And the racing time arrives!!*  
  
*The group, led by Lakitu, heads to the shed to get the karts*  
  
*All of them, still unsure, checks their karts*  
  
*Yoshi finds that most of them are OK – even Mario's appears to be fine*  
  
Yoshi: Gee, I'm really sorry you guys...I guess I'm sort of weird right when I wake up...  
  
DK: Yoshi, it's fine. All of us do that! Once I had a dream that I had the world's  
biggest banana and I was eating it and I woke up and I got really disappointed...  
  
Peach: Yeah, Yoshi, it's OK.  
  
Yoshi: Well...thanks you guys.  
  
Luigi: Sure. Let's get going!  
  
*The group revs up the engines*  
  
Wario: OK!!  
  
DK: You guys ready?  
  
Bowser: Let's blow this place!  
  
*They gun the engines and zoom out of the shed*  
  
*Mario's suddenly rumbles, and everyone looks at it. Then the rumbling stops*  
  
*Everyone but Bowser and Wario just stops and stares at the kart*  
  
Yoshi: Uh, I'm sure it's nothing, you guys. Let's go!  
  
*They snap out of it, and drive to the starting line in a side road that leads to the main highway. Even early in the morning, it is filled with cars and trucks*  
  
Lakitu: You guys ready?! Remember, it's always the best to get a good start on your  
first race!! OK! Get READY!!!  
  
*Mario remembers the Snifit back in the forest clearing and his words echo around Mario's mind...*  
  
*"You must turn back! Turn back now, before you find out what it is I am warning you of!!!" The group's engines roar*  
  
Lakitu: 3!!!  
  
*"Evil, evil plots – dark matters are at work, here!"*  
  
Lakitu: 2!!!  
  
*"The longer you stay, the more you endanger your life and others!!"*  
  
Lakitu: 1!!!  
  
*"And you MUST NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE RACE!!!"*  
  
Lakitu: *With a wild-eyed expression* GO!!!!!!!!  
  
*Mario hesitates for a second, then grits his teeth and slams on the gas*  
  
*The kart shoots forward, but then makes a grinding noise, spins backward, and with a bright flash and a loud sharp BANG, explodes in a fiery shockwave*  
  
*The crowd gasps in anticipation. Everyone immediately stops their karts and spins around to see what happened*  
  
*All that remains is a flaming pile of disintegrated wreckage*  
  
*Everyone is silent, their breath held. But no one emerges. Suddenly, an object floats down from the sky and lands next to the wreckage*  
  
*The scorched remains of Mario's hat...*  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	5. Episode V: The Grand Prix

KART CHAMPIONS  
  
- - PART TWO - -  
  
EPISODE V  
  
"THE GRAND PRIX: PART 1 - GRIDLOCK"  
  
DK: You guys ready?  
  
Bowser: Let's blow this place!  
  
*They gun the engines and zoom out of the shed*  
  
*Mario's suddenly rumbles, and everyone looks at it. Then the rumbling stops*  
  
*Everyone but Bowser and Wario just stops and stares at the kart*  
  
Yoshi: Uh, I'm sure it's nothing, you guys. Let's go!  
  
*They snap out of it, and drive to the starting line in a side road that leads to the main highway. Even early in the morning, it is filled with cars and trucks*  
  
Lakitu: You guys ready?! Remember, it's always the best to get a good start on your  
first race!! OK! Get READY!!!  
  
*Mario remembers the Snifit back in the forest clearing and his words echo around Mario's mind...*  
  
*"You must turn back! Turn back now, before you find out what it is I am warning you of!!!" The group's engines roar*  
  
Lakitu: 3!!!  
  
*"Evil, evil plots – dark matters are at work, here!"*  
  
Lakitu: 2!!!  
  
*"The longer you stay, the more you endanger your life and others!!"*  
  
Lakitu: 1!!!  
  
*"And you MUST NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE RACE!!!"*  
  
Lakitu: *With a wild-eyed expression* GO!!!!!!!!  
  
*Mario hesitates for a second, then grits his teeth and slams on the gas*  
  
*The kart shoots forward, but then makes a grinding noise, spins backward, and with a bright flash and a loud sharp BANG, explodes in a fiery shockwave*  
  
*The crowd gasps in anticipation. Everyone immediately stops their karts and spins around to see what happened*  
  
*All that remains is a flaming pile of disintegrated wreckage*  
  
*Everyone is silent, their breath held. But no one emerges. Suddenly, an object floats down from the sky and lands next to the wreckage*  
  
*The scorched remains of Mario's hat...*  
  
*Silence for moments*  
  
Lakitu: ...Oh my god...  
  
Luigi: Uh, hey, Mario? You can come out now...  
  
DK: Oh, geez...Mario?! Are you in there?!?  
  
*But nothing moves*  
  
Peach: *Sobbing quietly in her kart*  
  
Yoshi: Mario! MARIO! *Walks over and gingerly throws away a piece of the  
wreckage. Kicks the rest aside*  
  
*Empty*  
  
*Suddenly, another object comes down from the sky...*  
  
Luigi: Hey you guys! Look up there!!  
  
*Everyone glances upward*  
  
*Coming down from the sky is an odd shaped, scorched, and dented metal chair. Someone is in it, but they can't see who it is...finally, they see. It's Mario in an ejection seat with a parachute!*  
  
*Everyone begins cheering – MOST everyone.*  
  
Lakitu: Mario! You're all right!  
  
Mario: Uh...yeah... *Passes out*  
  
Luigi: Geez, why does this stuff always happen to him?!  
  
DK: I dunno, but I'd say it's about time we owed Yoshi an apology!  
  
Yoshi: Woah...I guess that really DID happen!!  
  
Peach: Yeah, Yoshi. It's fine. Tell us what you remembered! This time we'll believe  
you no matter how dumb it sounds! We've gotta find out who's behind this.  
  
Yoshi: OK, you guys. Here is exactly everything I saw. I left the training room because  
I had to use the restroom. Suddenly, I noticed a mail Koopa coming down in the  
distance! I got curious – no one else should be out here!  
  
DK: Yeah? Go on.  
  
Yoshi: I took a closer look, and noticed it was heading for the kart shed! There had to be  
someone in there to take the message. Anyone in there aside from us would  
probably be messing with the karts! I ran over there, and just before I made it, I  
saw Bowser and Wario...  
  
Lakitu: That's IT! I KNEW you two were behind this!!  
  
Yoshi: No no no! They were going into the training room. They couldn't have been in  
the kart shed. They were never anywhere near it! So it wasn't them.  
  
Luigi: So then what happened?  
  
*Mario wakes up and starts listening*  
  
Yoshi: I heard some stuff, but it doesn't matter. Anyway, I went up to the shed and  
opened the door. Mario's kart was opened up, and these Goombas were ripping  
stuff out and putting new things in – moving things. And GUESS WHO WAS  
SUPERVISING THEM??  
  
Peach: Who? Who was it??  
  
Yoshi: KAMMY KOOPA!!  
  
*Everyone gasps*  
  
Mario: I thought he was gone a couple of years ago!  
  
Yoshi: Guess not. And then something hit me – knocked me out. When I woke up,  
well...I was at the training room. That's when I told all you guys the first time.  
  
Peach: Doesn't Kammy have some sort of allegiance with YOU, Bowser?!  
  
Bowser: Eh? Yeah, but I lost contact with him years ago...  
  
Mario: So we still don't have a lead...  
  
Yoshi: Hmm...oh wait a minute! Yeah we do! Remember? Bowser said he came 10  
minutes after we did! But when I saw him going in the room, we'd already been  
there a couple of hours!!  
  
DK: Oh yeah...I DO remember that!  
  
Bowser: I swear you're wrong about that! We did come just about 10 minutes after you!  
You must have been too tied up in those games to notice!  
  
Luigi: Yeah, very CONVENIENT for you, eh Bowser? Well then, we still don't have a  
lead on who might have done this...  
  
Yoshi: Hmm...oh! I remember something else! When I heard Wario and Bowser talking  
when they were going in, all I heard were the words, "Hired someone." Couldn't  
they have just HIRED Kammy to do the job? Then it would look like they really  
DIDN'T do it at all!  
  
Lakitu: AH! And what do you have to say about THAT, Bowser?! ...Bowser??  
  
*Indeed, both Bowser and Wario are gone*  
  
Luigi: Hey, I wonder where they went...  
  
Latiku: Huh...well, I guess he's off the hook this time. But he'd better not try a stunt like  
THAT again. Him OR Wario. You're awfully lucky, you know, Mario. They  
almost got you killed...  
  
Mario: Well, I'll be on the lookout. I take it all this means the race is suspended? Or are  
we still doing it?  
  
Lakitu: Of COURSE we're still doing it!  
  
Mario: But how am I gonna race??  
  
Lakitu: Uh...um...be right back!  
  
*Leaves quickly*  
  
Mario: Well, I'm sure glad THAT'S over...  
  
Toad: I can't wait for the race!  
  
Mario: Yeah, probably just because they NAMED it after you!  
  
Toad: You've got to admit, it is a pretty catchy name...  
  
*Suddenly Wario and Bowser show up*  
  
Bowser: Oh, hey you guys.  
  
Yoshi: Very NICE how you disappeared like that!  
  
Wario: Yes, it's one of my greatest...  
  
Bowser: SSHH!!! We don't know what you're talking about. We didn't hire anyone!  
  
Luigi: Well, who else could have sent a message to Kammy??  
  
Wario: We don't even know where to contact him. Besides, only Bowser knew him!  
And I've never even SEEN him! Although I bet he's got a lot of money...  
  
Toad: Well, Lakitu let you off the hook this time, but he says you'd better not try  
anything like this ever again! You too, Wario.  
  
*Right then, Lakitu comes back, panting*  
  
Lakitu: Here's our solution!  
  
*Lakitu is controlling the white training kart under him with the remote*  
  
Mario: All right! OK, I'll use that.  
  
Lakitu: OK, everyone get lined up again!  
  
*Now the traffic is even heavier along the roads, as the incident took up a lot of time*  
  
*Lakitu gets everyone ready*  
  
Lakitu: OK, you guys, this is it! Get READY!!!  
  
*Mario revs up his new engine, which runs great!*  
  
Lakitu: 3!!!  
  
*Luigi gets a determined look on his face*  
  
Lakitu: 2!!!  
  
*Bowser looks daggers at Mario, who glares back defiantly*  
  
Lakitu: 1!!!  
  
*Peach looks back at Mario for a moment*  
  
Lakitu: *With another wild-eyed expression* GO!!!!!!!  
  
*The karts zoom forward, and swerve left into the main freeway*  
  
Toad: YA-HOO!!  
  
*Toad zooms by a supply truck and it blares its horn in protest*  
  
Lakitu: *Yelling after them* Remember to look for the special box with the map!!!  
  
*Then his voice fades away*  
  
*Mario races forward, past Bowser and Wario, who apparantly have just dropped back to talk about something*  
  
Mario: *Approaches Yoshi* HEY YOSHI!!!  
  
Yoshi: WHAT??  
  
*They have to yell over the traffic noise*  
  
Mario: BOWSER AND WARIO ARE UP TO SOMETHING!!!  
  
Yoshi: WHAT??  
  
Mario: I SAID, BOWSER AND WARIO ARE UP TO SOMETHING!!!!!  
  
Yoshi: NOT AGAIN...!  
  
Mario: I KNOW!!! WE'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH...!!  
  
Yoshi: TAKE THIS!!!! *Throws a green shell backwards*  
  
Mario: *Presses "bounce" and jumps over it* HEY YOSHI!!!  
  
Yoshi: WHAT??  
  
Mario: LOOK BACK HERE!!!  
  
*Yoshi looks back, and runs into the back of a small sedan. He tumbles over and over, and accidentally drops a red shell which slams into him and explodes*  
  
Mario: HA HAH!!! SEE YOU LATER!!!  
  
*Mario now approaches Luigi*  
  
Luigi: YO MARIO!!!  
  
Mario: WHAT??  
  
Luigi: YOU HUNGRY??!!  
  
Mario: UM...I SUPPOSE SO...WHY?!  
  
Luigi: THEN...EAT THIS!!!  
  
*Luigi throws a banana into Mario's kart and it goes spinning into the wall*  
  
Mario: Ow...that hurt...  
  
*Suddenly, a semi speeds around the corner and straight for Mario!*  
  
*Just as it is about to hit him, Mario presses bounce, and lands on the windshield of the big truck! The horn blares and the driver swerves. Mario drives the kart up further and stops on top of the semi. The semi is moving faster than the rest of the cars and karts, and it is invincible to the normal items!*  
  
DK: HA HAH!!! HEY MARIO!!! WATCHA DOING UP THERE??!!  
  
Mario: GETTING FIRST PLACE!!!! AH HA HAH HAH!!!!  
  
*The semi moves ahead*  
  
*Suddenly, a big blast of electricity shoots from the sky onto the kart. Someone used a lightning! Hundreds of volts shoot through Mario's body and kart, and he is shocked momentarily. Soon, when he gets his bearings, DK, Peach, and Yoshi have once again passed him*  
  
*The next row of item boxes approaches...*  
  
*As Mario zooms by, he grabs the one on the left*  
  
*Inside, he finds three green shells*  
  
*He tosses them far ahead onto the top of the semi he fell off of*  
  
*DK and Yoshi are going around a curve in the track ahead, and the semi is as well. When the semi turns, the shells slide off, into DK and Yoshi*  
  
DK: Aaaahhhh!!!  
  
*Mario drives ahead, past DK and Yoshi who are tumbling into the side of the freeway*  
  
*And what are Wario and Bowser doing?*  
  
*They have stopped, and pulled over a lumber truck. Wario threatens the man, and is able to steal 5 boards. Wario and Bowser lay the boards so that they are a ramp, leading over the central divider in the freeway. They drive over the ramp, and are instantly in first and second with a big lead! They just skipped a large piece of track by going over the ramp. The current places are, from first to last, Wario, Bowser, Luigi, Peach, Mario, Toad, Yoshi, DK*  
  
*Mario is attempting to get ahead of Peach*  
  
*Peach suddenly throws a red shell backwards*  
  
*Mario has a star ready, but right as he is about to use it, Boo appears and steals it!*  
  
*The shell hits him and he tumbles into seventh place, behind Toad and Yoshi*  
  
DK: OR MAYBE NOT GETTING FIRST PLACE, MARIO!!!  
  
Mario: DK!!!  
  
DK: WHAT??!!  
  
Mario: SHUT UP!!!  
  
DK: NO!! WHY DON'T YOU??!! *Throws a green shell*  
  
Mario: *Dodges* NO!!  
  
DK: *Throws a red shell* YES!!  
  
Mario: *Dodges and zooms toward the wall so the shell still misses* NO!!!  
  
DK: *Drops back behind Mario and throws a spiny shell!* YES!!! AH HA HA HA!!  
  
Mario: *Dodges, but spiny shells are impossible to miss*  
  
*The shell slams into Mario's kart and it explodes. Two of the spines hit the kart, denting it slightly. The shell zooms ahead searching for the person in first*  
  
*As Mario lands, he slams into the boards Wario and Bowser had set up. By chance, they happen to land lined up on the other side of the road, leading over the divider on THAT side*  
  
Mario: Oh, man...now I'm in last...  
  
*He passes the finish line*  
  
Lakitu: HEY MARIO!! SECOND LAP!!! YOU'VE GOTTA PULL IT TOGETHER!!!  
  
*Mario races by, around the corner*  
  
*Now, the current places are (from first to last): Bowser, Wario, Peach, Toad, Luigi, DK, Yoshi, Mario. Mario now catches up to Yoshi*  
  
Yoshi: HEY MARIO!! YOU ALL RIGHT??  
  
Mario: YEAH, SURE!! ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT I'M IN LAST PLACE!!!  
  
*Neither of them has an item, so they can continue their conversation*  
  
Yoshi: DID YOU FIND OUT WHAT THEY WERE UP TO??  
  
Mario: WHO??  
  
Yoshi: WARIO AND BOWSER, OF COURSE!!!  
  
Mario: OH...! NO, I NEVER SAW ANYTHING!!!  
  
Yoshi: OH, OK!!  
  
*They now approach the next item box row*  
  
*Mario checks inside, and sees he got a banana*  
  
*He tosses it toward Yoshi, who promptly blocks it by activating a star*  
  
Yoshi: NICE TRY!!!  
  
*They drive and talk for a while longer. Mario attempts to hit Yoshi several more times, but Yoshi blocks every time. Two minutes later, they both pass the finish line once again. Now they are on their last lap, still in 7th and 8th*  
  
*Wario and Bowser now approach the board bridge*  
  
Wario: HERE'S OUR BRIDGE!!!  
  
Bowser: Funny, I thought it was on the other side of the road...  
  
Wario: WHAT???  
  
Bowser: HUH?! OH, NOTHING!!!  
  
*They zip over the bridge onto the next road*  
  
*Mario passes Yoshi and approaches DK*  
  
Mario: HEY DK!!!  
  
DK: WHAT??!!  
  
Mario: THAT THING, WITH THE SHELLS??!! THAT JUST WAS NOT COOL!  
  
DK: OH, I'M DEEPLY HURT!!! OK THEN, LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!  
  
*DK throws a green, red, and spiny shell all at the same time*  
  
Mario: NO!!!  
  
*DK didn't think it through, though – spiny shells can only go forward, so the spiny shell shoots on out of sight. The green and red shells collide with each other and explode, but Mario is close enough to the force of the blow that he still is blown backward, flipping and tumbling*  
  
DK: HA HA HAH!!!  
  
Mario: AAAHHHHH!!!  
  
*Yoshi and DK zip ahead into the distance*  
  
*Mario is now in sixth by a long long distance*  
  
*Why?*  
  
*Because Wario and Bowser are now driving along a straight, deserted road in the middle of nowhere. Wario glares at Bowser*  
  
Wario: So NOW what are we gonna do??  
  
Bowser: Uh, I guess turn around...  
  
Wario: OK...let's go then, you idiot!!  
  
*Bowser glares menacingly at Wario and Wario shuts up*  
  
*Back to Mario...*  
  
*During Mario's flipping and tumbling, he fell down through a hole on the side of the road. This lead him to a dark, underground cave. Here, after he gets his bearings, he notices a bright red item box!*  
  
Mario: I found the SPECIAL BOX!!! *Drives over and grabs it* All right!!! There's  
the map. Wow, there's a really short way to the finish line right from here!  
*Slams on the gas, turns into one of the tunnels, and fades into darkness*  
  
*Now Luigi is in first, followed very closely by Peach and Toad. All three are fighting for first place. Then comes Yoshi, DK, Mario, Wario, and Bowser. The finish line is just one minute away...*  
  
Toad: Get OUTTA MY WAY!!!  
  
Luigi: Buzz off, twerp!!  
  
Peach: Now, let's not be mean. Why don't you both just back down and let me win?  
  
Toad: Offer denied, your majesty.  
  
Peach: Stop calling me that!!  
  
Toad: Why of course, YOUR MAJESTY!!!  
  
Luigi: If she is "your majesty," doesn't that make you her slave?  
  
Toad: No, it doesn't!  
  
Peach: Yes, it does!!  
  
Toad: No, it doesn't!!!  
  
Peach: YES, it DOES!!!  
  
Toad: NO, it DOES NOT!!!  
  
*While the two argue, Luigi slips ahead and pulls around the corner*  
  
Toad: HEY! Luigi's GETTING AWAY!!  
  
*Peach and Toad zoom forward to continue fighting for first*  
  
*Mario, meanwhile, is lost in the underground maze*  
  
Mario: Now, what way was I supposed to go again??  
  
*Mario stops and once again checks the map*  
  
*When Mario looks up again he suddenly realizes that he doesn't know where he is on the map or even what direction he's pointing in*  
  
Mario: Oh, geez...where am I?!  
  
*Mario suddenly notices that there is a compass on the dashboard of the kart*  
  
Mario: Hey, cool! OK, I'm going south. But I thought I was going west! And I think  
I'm supposed to go north...hmm...  
  
*Mario is facing three passages*  
  
Mario: Let's see...eenie, meeny, miney, moe. Catch a tiger by the...oh forget it, I'll go in  
that one over there. *Turns the kart and races inside*  
  
*Outside, Peach has managed to get first. They are approaching the finish line...suddenly, a green shell streaks for Peach. It collides, and explodes, and Peach goes tumbling end over end over the finish line*  
  
Peach: Yes!! I won!! I WON!!! All right! Ow...  
  
*Now Toad is approaching the line*  
  
Toad: OK, no Mario anywhere this time! Second place isn't so bad. All right!  
  
*Suddenly Mario bursts from a hole in the ground and zooms across the finish line*  
  
Toad: What the...NO!!! You stupid little...gaaahhhh!!!  
  
*While Toad raves, Luigi also passes the finish line*  
  
Toad: No! NO!!  
  
*Right as Yoshi is about to as well, Toad zips in and finally gains fourth place*  
  
*Yoshi zooms across the line for fifth, and DK gets sixth*  
  
*The group waits for Wario and Bowser, but they don't show...*  
  
*They wait 30 minutes...*  
  
*An hour...*  
  
*Lakitu continually assures a complaining Toad that they will be along soon enough...*  
  
*An hour and a half...*  
  
*Finally, the two zoom around the corner, right next to each other. They are both ramming each other back and forth, fighting for first*  
  
Lakitu: Go go go go go...!!  
  
*Wario pulls ahead at the last second*  
  
Lakitu: Aaaaannndd...Wario gets seventh place, leaving Bowser with last!  
Congratulations on a wonderful race, you guys! Oh, for those of you that got  
fifth or below, you didn't get any points, but whoever got zero first is still ahead.  
Basically, this means that, for instance, if you got sixth place, Mario, and Toad  
got eighth, you would still be ahead of Toad in the standings even though your  
scores would be the same.  
  
Yoshi: Oh, OK, I was wondering about that. *Snickers at DK*  
  
Lakitu: And also congratulations to Mario who found the special box with the map!  
  
Toad: Really? Wow, where was it?  
  
*Mario explains everything he saw*  
  
Mario: ...So acutally DK, if you hadn't hit me with those shells, you and Yoshi would  
have gotten fourth and fifth and I would have gotten sixth! So, it's really all  
thanks to you!  
  
DK: Mario, be quiet. You're an idiot.  
  
*The group laughs at DK's expense and gets into the bus for a nice long sleep on the way back to the resort*  
  
*The time passes, the sun rises higher, and the group wakes up, aside from DK, who is snoring loudly*  
  
Toad: Huh, so he falls asleep instantly but can't wake up...interesting...  
  
*They watch DK for a while but eventually become bored and Yoshi remembers he has a deck of playing cards with him. Everyone sits up and they start to play Blackjack. Since they're Yoshi's cards, he gets to be the dealer*  
  
*Yoshi passes out the cards, and everyone looks at them*  
  
Toad: Hit me!  
  
*Yoshi reaches over and punches Toad in the stomach*  
  
Toad: Ouch! Very funny...um, "give me another card," then.  
  
*Yoshi hands him his card*  
  
Toad: Stay.  
  
Luigi: Stay.  
  
Mario: Stay.  
  
Wario: Hit me.  
  
*Yoshi hands him his card*  
  
Wario: Hit me.  
  
*Yoshi hands him another*  
  
Wario: Hit me.  
  
*Yoshi hands him still another*  
  
Wario: Hit me.  
  
*Everyone sighs in exasperation*  
  
*Bowser leans over and whispers something in Wario's ear*  
  
Wario: Ooohhh...is that right? 21? ...OK I bust. NO!! All that beautiful money...  
  
DK: Wario, we're not playing with real money...  
  
Wario: But still...oh well.  
  
*Wario drops his cards and everyone can see he has 57 total*  
  
Luigi: I bet 50.  
  
*Everyone throws in their chips*  
  
Mario: I'll meet your 50, and raise you 100.  
  
Toad: Uh, um...I fold.  
  
*The rest toss in their chips*  
  
Bowser: Stay.  
  
Yoshi: Stay.  
  
DK: Hit me.  
  
*Yoshi hands him a card*  
  
DK: *Checks, adds* Stay.  
  
Yoshi: OK, you guys, let's see your cards!  
  
*Peach and Yoshi have 18, Mario has 19, and Luigi and Bowser have 20*  
  
Yoshi: What about you, DK?  
  
*DK drops his cards on the table and everyone can see a jack and an ace*  
  
Everyone: Aww...  
  
DK: Heh heh heh!! *Pulls in all the chips*  
  
Wario: *Sighs* My profits going to a gorilla...  
  
Yoshi: Wario, they WEREN'T REAL!!  
  
Wario: But still...  
  
Yoshi: OK, let's do one more round.  
  
*Passes out the cards*  
  
Mario: Stay. I'll bet 10.  
  
*Everyone throws in the chips*  
  
Bowser: I'll meet your 10, and raise you 200!  
  
*Everyone groans, and throws in the chips*  
  
Luigi: Hit me.  
  
*Gets the card*  
  
Luigi: Stay.  
  
Wario: Hit me.  
  
*Gets card*  
  
Wario: Hit me.  
  
*Gets another card*  
  
Wario: Stay.  
  
Peach: I'll bet 25.  
  
Toad: Uh, um...I fold.  
  
*Everyone laughs and tosses in the chips*  
  
Yoshi: Stay.  
  
DK: Hit me.  
  
*Gets card*  
  
Yoshi: OK, everyone, show your cards...  
  
*Mario, Luigi, and DK are tied at 18. Peach, Wario and Yoshi are tied at 19, and Bowser gets 20. Bowser chuckles maniacally and slides the chips toward him*  
  
Bowser: Geh heh heh...  
  
Yoshi: Oh well.  
  
Luigi: Hey look! There's where we're landing!  
  
*Yoshi packs the cards away, and the bus driver collects the chips*  
  
Peach: Good, we don't have to hike through the jungle or something like last time...  
  
*The bus lands softly and everyone jumps from the bus and heads for the resort*  
  
*When they reach the lobby, they notice that the scoreboard has been placed up on the wall inside. Peach is listed first, with a bright number 9. Then Mario with 6, Luigi with 3, Toad with 1, and then Yoshi, DK, Wario, and Bowser with 0 but listed in that order*  
  
Luigi: Cool, I wonder when they put that up...?  
  
Toad: Great! Now we can see our scores.  
  
Lakitu: Yo Mario! C'mere a minute.  
  
Mario: Huh? Oh, OK.  
  
*Mario enters Lakitu's office and shuts the door*  
  
Mario: Yeah?  
  
Lakitu: You're fine with everything that happened today, right? You're OK?  
  
Mario: Oh, yeah. Sure!  
  
Lakitu: OK, 'cause you can skip the next race if you want – I'll put in your average...  
  
Mario: No! That's not fair to everyone else. No, I'm gonna race. Besides, it's fun!  
  
Lakitu: OK then. Come back into the back room in here – I've got something for you.  
  
*Mario opens the door and steps inside. He stares in surprise*  
  
*A shiny brand new kart sits in the center. It is red, just like his old one – but this has the fresh smell of new rubber tires and a comfy padded seat. It doesn't have one scuff or mark...it is completely perfect in all aspects*  
  
Mario: W-wow!!! Hey, that's great, Lakitu! Thanks a lot!  
  
Lakitu: No problemo. Anyways, you might wanna get back to the group. Don't tell  
anyone about the kart! By the way, tell everybody out there that the next race  
we're doing is tomorrow, way up north at Frappe Snowland. This one's gonna  
be really tough...you guys better be prepared. The radar says that it's going to be  
snowing up there, fifteen degrees below zero. Get some winter clothes! It's  
gonna be a lot different than here at the resort...  
  
Mario: Cool! OK, I'll go tell.  
  
*Mario leaves the office*  
  
*He then heads up to the floor where most everyone is staying and calls everyone out*  
  
Mario: Hey, you guys!  
  
*Everyone eventually comes out of their rooms to hear what Mario has to say*  
  
Yoshi: Hey, Mario! What is it?  
  
Mario: We've got another race tomorrow for the grand prix.  
  
Peach: Already? Wow! Where is it?  
  
Mario: Frappe Snowland!  
  
Toad: All right!  
  
Mario: Lakitu says it's gonna be fifteen below zero and snowing up there...we'd better  
get some winter clothes.  
  
Luigi: Maybe we should all just go over to the clothes store now?  
  
Yoshi: Sounds good to me! Let's get outta here.  
  
*The group leaves and heads for the island clothing store*  
  
Peach: Oh, wow! This place is huge...  
  
*They shop around the store for a while*  
  
Mario: Hey, that one looks good... *Grabs red coat*  
  
*Everyone finally decides what they want and pay for it. They wait, annoyed at Peach, who continues changing her mind and choosing something else. Finally they force her to stay with what she has. Yoshi, Wario, Bowser, and DK decide they're fine and don't need any. Everyone leaves, goes back to the resort lobby and heads up the stairs to their rooms*  
  
Luigi: Hey Mario?  
  
Mario: Yeah?  
  
Luigi: I just have this feeling...  
  
Mario: ...Yes?...  
  
Luigi: Well, it seems like whenever we're doing a race, Wario and Bowser always do  
something to attempt to mess things up. Just be really careful this time, in case  
they've got something ELSE up their sleeves...  
  
Mario: Yeah, I know. This one's gonna be really fun, though. You ever raced in snow  
at sub-zero?  
  
Luigi: No, you?  
  
Mario: Well actually yes, but not in a kart – it was up on that mountain, remember? That  
big penguin in the cottage at the top? The cottage was the entrance to that big  
sledding course inside the mountain. That was really fun...but anyway, there's  
hardly any traction at all – it's really hard, and you can go a lot faster.  
  
Luigi: Huh – sounds hard. I bet Bowser is gonna have the toughest time of everyone.  
  
Mario: And he probably deserves it.  
  
Luigi: DK too... *Yawns* ...Man I'm tired! Let's get some sleep.  
  
Mario: OK. *Leaps on bed, snaps off light* See you tomorrow, Luigi.  
  
*Night falls*  
  
*Much later ---*  
  
*Luigi gets up and stretches. It's 5:30 in the morning. He goes about his normal activities – he pulls on his suit, and heads to the kitchen to make breakfast*  
  
*He grabs a pan and sets it on the floor to his right – he then pulls the garbage bin up and places it to his left. He holds two eggs in his left hand, and a cleaver in his right. He pulls up a knife rack and sets it on the floor in front of him*  
  
*Then, he tosses the eggs over his head to his right and the cleaver over his head to the left. As he throws the cleaver, he gives it a slight spin. The cleaver smacks into the eggs and neatly cracks both shells. The shells bounce off the cleaver into the garbage bin, the cleaver lands neatly in the knife rack, and the eggs land dead-center in the pan*  
  
*He flips the pan up into his hands with his shoe, not spilling any egg, and backward-frisbee-tosses the pan up onto the stove. He changes the temperature and sets about putting away the garbage bin and the rack*  
  
*The noise wakes Mario up and he comes to see what is going on*  
  
Mario: Yo Luigi, watcha doing? It's 5:35. What're you doing, making breakfast?  
*Yawns and rubs his eyes*  
  
Luigi: Uh huh. You know, you're pretty lazy. You always miss the best part of the day!  
  
Mario: Because it isn't exactly... *Yawns* ...day yet.  
  
Luigi: Ah, gimme a break. You could just go back to bed and fix cold ravioli later, you  
know – but I'm gonna have eggs and cinnamon toast!  
  
*Mario remembers the quality and expertise of Luigi's cooking and quickly changes his mind about going back to bed*  
  
Mario: On second thoughts – maybe I am awake enough.  
  
Luigi: Good – there's a first time for everything. *Smirks at his older brother and turns back to the stove and the eggs*  
  
*Mario strains to keep his eyes open and sits back down. He is slowly drifting back to sleep...suddenly, Luigi turns to face Mario, the eggs forgotten. Mario instantly wakes. An evil grin begins to set on Luigi's face. Then he begins to split open, as if he is a costume and a zipper is being opened from the inside! And indeed, this is the truth. "Luigi" falls to the floor in a heap, and out steps none other than Bowser himself!*  
  
*Mario jumps out of his chair in surprise, and stumbles backward. He soon gets his bearings, and brings himself to face his arch-enemy*  
  
Mario: BOWSER! Just WHAT are you doing here?!  
  
*Bowser just laughs maniacally*  
  
Mario: What have you done with Luigi?!  
  
Bowser: Oh, now wouldn't you like to know?  
  
*Suddenly, the door opens and Peach steps in*  
  
Mario: Peach! Look out! Bowser's up to something!  
  
*Peach splits in the same fashion and Ludwig Von Koopa steps out of the rumpled costume! He smirks at Bowser and Bowser turns back to face Mario*  
  
Mario: And Peach! *Mario stands up and the chair clatters to the floor* Just what are  
you up to, Bowser? You'd better talk!  
  
Bowser: *Snorts in laughter* Mario, you're so predictable. You look hilarious when  
you act defensive, and you always act defensive when something happens to  
Peach. She's FINE. So just calm down.  
  
Mario: But where ARE they?!  
  
Bowser: Actually, they've been right here the whole time! We were going to play a  
prank on you but you ruined everything!  
  
*Peach and Luigi step out from behind furniture and look disgusted*  
  
Luigi: Aww, man! That stinks! You ruined EVERYTHING, Mario!  
  
Peach: I know, but you ALWAYS do that, don't you?  
  
Mario: Peach, I...  
  
*Peach just holds up her hand in disgust*  
  
Peach: Hold it. Mario, not to be rude, but shut up. You're so annoying all the time!  
You should work on that. C'mon Bowser, let's go get lunch. My treat. Luigi,  
you wanna come?  
  
Luigi: Sure!  
  
Peach: Everyone's going...everyone except Mario, that is.  
  
*Peach gives one final glare at Mario and slams the door. Mario is left in silence – listening to Peach, Bowser and Luigi conversing and laughing as they walk away*  
  
*Ludwig runs out the door yelling after them:*  
  
Ludwig: Hey, you guys! Wait for me!  
  
*The door slams again and Mario looks at the floor in silence*  
  
*Then...Mario wakes up*  
  
*The real Luigi is still cooking eggs and toast, no one went anywhere, and Peach, Ludwig and Bowser were never there*  
  
Mario: Whoa – sorry Luigi, I musta fallen asleep. Hold on a sec...  
  
*Mario checks behind the furniture, just to make sure*  
  
Luigi: You know, Mario, sometimes I wonder what kind of dreams you have when you  
fall asleep...I mean, the thing with the lasagna, the whole weird Subcon thing,  
and now something involving a sofa and a table or something with furniture...  
  
Mario: No, trust me, Luigi – you DO NOT want to know.  
  
Luigi: Hmm – it's probably for the better. I bet at least one per week involves Peach...  
  
Mario: Oh, shut up and make breakfast.  
  
*Luigi has just finished making breakfast when Mario's eyes widen as he looks down at his watch and remembers*  
  
Mario: Luigi! We have to leave in TEN MINUTES!  
  
Luigi: Uh huh. Guess why I woke up at 5:30?  
  
Mario: Because you ALWAYS wake up at 5:30.  
  
Luigi: Well, you'd better get ready fast then, huh?  
  
*Mario races through his morning – takes a quick shower, redresses, grabs his hat, packs for the trip, and wolfs down breakfast. Through it all, Luigi is lying on the couch watching TV and boredly flipping channels*  
  
Luigi: Ahh, ready to go?  
  
Mario: I'm ready to shove you into the mailbox if you don't stop doing that. Let's get  
outta here fast!  
  
*Luigi slowly stands up and yawns. He brushes off his overalls and heads out the door to the hall with Mario*  
  
Mario: Hey, Yoshi! You ready to go?  
  
Yoshi: Yeah! This is gonna be great. Let's go get Toad – everyone else is waiting  
outside for us.  
  
*They walk over to Toad's door*  
  
Yoshi: HEY TOAD! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!  
  
Toad: Eh? Why? Where are we going?  
  
Yoshi: *Quickly glances at Mario* We're kind of going to Frappe Snowland now!!  
  
Toad: HUH?! OH!! Oh! I forgot all about that! Hold on a minute...  
  
*They do, and soon a panting Toad shows up at his door, blushing*  
  
Yoshi: You forgot?!  
  
Toad: No! I just...er...I...um...was really bored and fell asleep.  
  
Yoshi: That's all right, Toad – your secret's safe with us!  
  
Mario: *Snorts with laughter*  
  
Toad: Heeeyyyy...you're not gonna tell anyone, are you??  
  
Mario: Why no, of course not! We wouldn't do something like THAT!  
  
Toad: Hmm...  
  
*They head out to the beach where everyone is waiting in a large group, next to the Nimbus Land Bus*  
  
Mario: The bus AGAIN?  
  
Lakitu: Yeah, they're the cheapest, and plus your price isn't included – for some reason  
you can ride it for free...besides, the company just pays for all our fares anyway.  
  
Luigi: Hmm...oh well. At least they have in-flight movies.  
  
Yoshi: Luigi, think about it. The kind of movies they have in there – remember? Just  
last month they showed "Plan 9 From Outer Space," and that was rated "Bob-  
omb" in Paragoomba Digest Ratings last year – they normally don't rate a movie  
that low...  
  
Mario: Luigi! Plan 9 From Outer Space! We were there when they played that! Yeah,  
Yoshi – they played that when Luigi and I were on the way to the resort.  
  
Yoshi: Huh. So how was it?  
  
*Mario just stops and looks at Yoshi*  
  
Luigi: Yoshi, I think you can kind of guess the answer to that on your own. At least I'm  
finally used to this thing – I was really afraid of heights for awhile...  
  
Mario: We noticed...  
  
Yoshi: C'mon now, gimme a break. You are too still afraid of heights!  
  
Luigi: Yoshi, you know what? I think you...  
  
*His argument is cut off by Lakitu*  
  
Lakitu: All right you guys! Board the bus. One at a time, please! *He says this as DK  
and Yoshi start pushing each other forward*  
  
*The bus lifts into the sky and the driver turns North. They are in for a long, cold ride to Frappe Snowland for their next race*  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	6. Mailbag 1

Got your hopes up, didn't I? Yeah, I'm back, and unfortunately a new chapter isn't quite yet. Had some problems recently with a bunch of strange characters appearing throughout my stories. Hopefully resubmission will change that...I have a lot of work to do, so just be patient! I'm going as fast as I can on an update, 'cause it's been awhile. But, I at least have an IDEA!!!! *Cheers erupt from crowd.*  
  
KART CHAMPIONS MAILBAG 1  
  
First, let me say that ANY INSULTS should not be taken to heart - this is direct from my subconcious at 3 AM. I was in a weird mood. This has absolutely nothing to do with the plot and the characters don't act right.  
  
Xarbok: I've decided that every five episodes, I'm gonna respond to all those reviews  
  
you nice people sent me in your spare time, with the help of several "out- of-  
  
character characters." Yea, great huh? Kay, here goes...  
  
*Toad shambles in lugging a sack behind him.*  
  
Xarbok: Come on, now. Hurry up or I'll cut your pay!  
  
*Toad gets a frightened look and throws the bag at Xarbok.*  
  
Toad: What am I now, your slave?!  
  
Xarbok: Uh huh. Anyways, let's see - spam, spam, spam... *Tosses over shoulder.* Ah,  
  
here's one from some guy named "Toad." Hey Toad, hear that?  
  
*Opens envelope.*  
  
Xarbok: Let's see... "Your story is bad. It's really really bad. You suck. And I think  
  
you should increase Toad's pay."  
  
Toad: *Backs away, face turning red* I...wouldn't...write...anything...like...that...  
  
I'VEGOTTAGOTOTHEBATHROOMBYE! *Races away.*  
  
Xarbok: Naw, I won't cut his pay. *Ahem* Riiiiight. Finally! Some real reviews. OK,  
  
this one's from December 17th, 2002. Quite a while ago, come to think of it -  
  
can't really believe it's been half a year...anyways, this's from a constant  
  
reviewer, "Luigi Mario: KOG."  
  
*Opens envelope.*  
  
Xarbok: *Ahem* "Cool! I'm adding this to my favorites list." Well now, that's pretty  
  
guddurn spiffy - someone's readin all my junk!  
  
*Toad peeks in door.*  
  
Toad: Someone put it in their favorite's list?  
  
Xarbok: Yea, but I don't really get his name...yo, Luigi! Get in here!  
  
Luigi: Yeah, what?  
  
Xarbok: We've got another one.  
  
Luigi: Whoa...can I...er...use your computer for a sec?  
  
Xarbok: No. You'd screw up my life.  
  
Luigi: Ya, whatever. He said to read his story to get his name! Geez, don't you understand  
ANYTHING AT ALL?!  
  
Xarbok: Shhh! Toad might hit you with his whip!  
  
Luigi: Uh huh. Right.  
  
Xarbok: Well ol' clumsy YOU brought this to a screeching halt. I was on a roll!  
  
Toad: Shut up and keep going! *Cracks whip.*  
  
Xarbok: OW! YOU'RE supposed to be the slave!  
  
*Gets a horrible glare from Toad.*  
  
Xarbok: *Frightned.* OK...here's...the next one. Well, whaddya know? *Gets weird  
  
announcer voice.* FIVE DAYS LATER...THE SECOND CHAPTER WAS  
  
RELEASED!!!!!  
  
Peach: Look, if you shut up, this'll go a lot faster.  
  
Xarbok: Um, right. Well, Luigi Mario KOG's back for number two.  
  
*Opens envelope.*  
  
Xarbok: *Ahem.* Here goes: "Great! I bet it's Luigi this time." I'm sure you know exactly what went on on the other side of the door by now – it's been awhile...thanks by the way for staying with this story's hard times! Am I right, Luigi?!  
  
Wario: You wrote the story, idiot! Why would you be asking HIM?!  
  
Xarbok: 'Cause, quite frankly, he's a lot more intelligent than YOU are!  
  
Wario: You come right here and say that to my face!!  
  
Xarbok: I'd rather not. Anyways...more thanks to Luigi Mario KOG for also being the only reviewer of chapter one!!!  
  
Peach: Now, now...calm down...I might have to hit you...  
  
Xarbok: Ya, ya...right. Here's another one on Chapter 2, from "GameCubeGirl1."  
Hmm, I like the name...Toad! Write that down! *Toad takes out a pen and a tablet and  
scribbles furiously.*  
  
Xarbok: Anyways, here it is: "Hey Great work so far!! ive loved it! =D, what happened  
  
to luigi though? did bowser return him? i need to know!! update soon please!!!  
  
^_^" Another reviewer! Prepare the super shiny award for GameCubeGirl1!  
  
Toad: Right on it. *Starts polishing super shiny award.*  
  
Bowser: I'm tired. I will sleep now.  
  
Xarbok: Oooookay...anyways, on with the show. Dunno if GameCubeGirl1 has kept  
  
reading this story, but if not, I've actually explained in Ch 3 what happened.  
  
*Suddenly, a long red tongue shoots out of nowhere into the bag of reviews.*  
  
DK: Yoshi, what are you doing?!  
  
*Yoshi swallows five reviews.*  
  
Yoshi: Hey Xarbok, you're right! They DO taste better!  
  
Mario: Hey, those were mine!  
  
Yoshi: Don't care. I got hungry.  
  
Xarbok: Sure, I eat other people's reviews all the time. Here's another one, from "Luigi  
  
and Yoshi 4ever."  
  
Luigi and Yoshi: WHAT?!?!  
  
*DK bursts out laughing.*  
  
Xarbok: I love these! Here goes: "AHHH! CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11" And there it was, in all its glory. It's too bad I can't tantalize you with the next chapter, since I'm sure you've probably already read it by now...  
  
Mario: What's the deal with that "11"?  
  
Yoshi: I dunno, but they look tasty...  
  
Xarbok: No! These are MINE!! *Eats review.*  
  
Bowser: ZzzzZZZzZZzzzzz..... *snort* ....zzZZZZzZzzZZ....  
  
Xarbok: *Swallows.* Here's another one from Luigi and Yoshi 4ever... "Ouch. that has  
  
to hurt. Will you get to the races, like on Rainbow Road or Kalamari Desert?"  
  
DK: *Stops laughing.*  
  
Xarbok: Actually, I've started work on the Flower Cup in chapters 4, 5, 6, and 7. I'll  
  
keep going from there. Probably not gonna do the Mushroom Cup - not  
  
interesting enough. And I quite agree...death hurts.  
  
Toad: Death hurts.  
  
DK: Death is fun.  
  
Luigi: Death is like a big slab of cheesecake.  
  
Yoshi: Mmm, cheesecake.  
  
Xarbok: ANYWAY...Another one on chapter 3 from our good buddy Luigi Mario:  
  
KOG. Here it is: "It's great, except for one thing, Luigi would never be pushed  
  
aroun by Wario. I mean come on! Luigi knows that Wario is always up to no  
  
good. How do I know, look at my name, I know Luigi's pesonality." Toad!! Why aren't you writing my every word into your tablet?!  
  
Toad: Right on it.  
  
Xarbok: Actually, send KOG a consolation prize. Give the super shiny award to  
  
me instead. But anyway, you're right, and I've fixed that and resubmitted it.  
  
Yoshi: Mmm, shiny.  
  
*Suddenly, Yoshi's tongue lashes out of nowhere and aims for the shiny award. He misses, and hits Toad instead.*  
  
Toad: NNNOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
*Slow motion, Toad is sucked into Yoshi's mouth and is promptly swallowed.*  
  
Yoshi: *Gulp.* Mmm...mushrooms.  
  
*Everyone cheers and claps.*  
  
*An egg appears.*  
  
Xarbok: Thank god. Here's another one on Chapter 2 from "the eternal darkness."  
  
Peach: Ooo, spooky.  
  
Xarbok: *Ahem.* "wow.cool.thanks 4 giving yoshi a big role in this" Well, that's nice of him! Thanks. Hey, you've got a few fans too, Yoshi.  
  
Yoshi: I have many fans.  
  
Xarbok: Yeah...um...ok...  
  
Bowser: ZzzZZzz... Get on with the reviews. ...zzZZZZzzzZ  
  
Xarbok: Right. Ah, here's Luigi and Yoshi 4ever again! Let's see what he has to say:  
  
"Don't tell me. he's dead right?" Ha ha, or so you might think...  
  
Mario: I'm right here, moron!  
  
Xarbok: You shut it – this person obviously means in the story!!  
  
Luigi: I want more fans.  
  
Yoshi: I have more fans.  
  
Xarbok: Oookaayy...and indeed, as I'm sure you now know, Mario is still alive...  
  
Luigi: ...Whether we like it or not.  
  
Mario: Shut up.  
  
Xarbok: Well now! It's Luigi Mario: KOG AGAIN! It's great to have constant reviewers! It makes me feel happy inside.  
  
Mario: I repeat: Shut up.  
  
Xarbok: Ok, ok...here's his message: "Sucks to be Mario. At least I can be sure that  
  
Mario's cart is in worse shape tham Mario.I hope." Uh, oh. Mario, you have a  
  
worried reviewer. If Mario's kart is nonexistent, you'd better hope Mario's in better shape.  
  
Mario: This is wonderful - send him flowers.  
  
Xarbok: Good idea. Toad! Get right on it!  
  
*Mario rolls his eyes - Xarbok never gets any jokes.*  
  
Xarbok: Ah, the last one!  
  
*Everyone gasps.*  
  
Xarbok: *Puts on rubber gloves and gas mask and opens envelope with tongs.* Ah, u  
  
noo defoower!  
  
DK: What?!  
  
Xarbok: *Takes off gas mask.* A new reviewer! This one's from Celtic Boy, in  
  
response to my infamous "Author's Note of DOOOM!!!"  
  
Peach: Wow. You can tell we're impressed.  
  
Xarbok: Here goes. Drumroll, please!  
  
*Silence.*  
  
Xarbok: I said, DRUMROLL!!  
  
*Silence.*  
  
Xarbok: Toad, get out the freakin' drum set already!!  
  
*Silence.*  
  
Xarbok: Oh, yeah, Yoshi swallowed him. Oh well, I can do without a drumroll. Here  
  
goes the FINAL REVIEW!!! "Oh no! Please don't give up! Celtic Boy CB"  
  
Don't worry, guys - I actually got an idea - might be done in a few weeks.  
  
Peach: Wow, that was pretty entertaining!  
  
Xarbok: Yea, that was great.  
  
Yoshi: Mmm, drums. *Tongue lashes out.*  
  
Xarbok: Yoshi, NO!!!! *Still holding on to the bag of reviews, leaps up and grabs  
  
Yoshi's tongue in midair.* We DON'T eat the drumset!!  
  
*Unfortunately, Yoshi pulls his tongue in and swallows Xarbok and the bag of reviews.*  
  
*Another egg appears*  
  
*In the egg...*  
  
Xarbok: Crap. Well, isn't this a fine mess?  
  
*It's pitch dark inside the egg, and it's far too small.*  
  
Xarbok: Geez...this sucks...  
  
*Outside...*  
  
*Everyone cheers and claps again.*  
  
Peach: FINALLY, that idiot's gone!  
  
DK: No more stupid comments!!!  
  
Wario: No more bad jokes!!!  
  
Yoshi: Mmm. Drums are good.  
  
*Muffled voices sound from inside the Yoshi eggs.*  
  
Xarbok: Get...me...out of here!  
  
Toad: Rggh!!  
  
*The eggs roll around.*  
  
*Yoshi grabs the two eggs. He hands them to DK, who opens the window and kicks them far, far away, never to be seen again.*  
  
THE END  
  
*Stay tuned for the next chapter!!* 


	7. Episode VI: The Grand Prix Part 2 Deep...

QUICK AUTHOR RESPONSE  
  
*A few of you readers out there gave me some energy to throw into this next installment... hope it's worth the wait – lot of things are going on right  
now for me. I tried to make this one a bit longer to make up for the annoyances I caused all you guys with my horrible erratic schedule. I've decided something about this story. After getting Mario Kart: Double Dash a few days ago, I've decided this story needs an update or two. They won't  
happen in this chapter, but I'm slowly altering the mood of this to fit  
some aspects of Double Dash that I liked. I might introduce one or two  
characters in each chapter, just do what I can to make this story as  
enjoyable as I can for you! Don't worry – for those of you who haven't  
played Double Dash yet, I won't do anything that you wouldn't already understand. Really, really sorry it's taken me so long...I'd decided that I really needed to play Double Dash before I updated. Writer's block got the best of me too, and I'm deeply sorry for the inconveniences. Maybe you thought I'd died, who knows – maybe I should have. An explanation is in order as well. I was very strange indeed the night I decided to write that Mailbag entry...but hey, what's done is done! Actually, Luigi Mario: KOG, I did get your name – that was another aspect of my strangeness the night I decided to write that... I read one of your stories and it was very good! Thanks for the reviews, all you people out there! I really appreciate it,  
even those who gave me "constructive criticism"... (although I would  
appreciate it if you told me what it was that really sucked about the chapter so I can improve...) Speaking of improvement, I reread the first episode of this story and realized that there are many things I can do to make it much better. My next update will be to fix Episode I in entirety.  
After that, I'll work on Episode VII (because I have overcome writers block)! All right, here IS... (dah dah DUM...) The moment you've been  
waiting for for, oh, what is it now... three or four months?? EPISODE  
SIX!!!*  
  
KART CHAMPIONS  
  
EPISODE VI  
  
"THE GRAND PRIX: PART 2 - DEEPFREEZE"  
  
*They head out to the beach where everyone is waiting in a large group, next to the Nimbus Land Bus*  
  
Mario: The bus AGAIN?  
  
Lakitu: Yeah, they're the cheapest, and plus your price isn't included – for some reason  
you can ride it for free...besides, the company just pays for all our fares anyway.  
  
Luigi: Hmm...oh well. At least they have in-flight movies.  
  
Yoshi: Luigi, think about it. The kind of movies they have in there – remember? Just  
last month they showed "Plan 9 From Outer Space," and that was rated "Bob-  
omb" in Paragoomba Digest Ratings last year – they normally don't rate a movie  
that low...  
  
Mario: Luigi! Plan 9 From Outer Space! We were there when they played that!  
  
Yoshi: Huh. So how was it?  
  
*Mario just stops and looks at Yoshi*  
  
Luigi: Yoshi, I think you can kind of guess the answer to that on your own. At least I'm  
finally used to this thing – I was really afraid of heights for awhile...  
  
Mario: We noticed...  
  
Yoshi: C'mon now, gimme a break. You're still afraid of heights!  
  
Luigi: Yoshi, you know what? I think you...  
  
*His argument is cut off by Lakitu*  
  
Lakitu: All right you guys! Board the bus. One at a time, please! *He says this as DK  
and Yoshi start pushing each other forward*  
  
*The bus lifts into the sky and the driver turns North. They are in for a long, cold ride to Frappe Snowland for their next race*  
  
*All of Toad's excitement instantly evaporates and he becomes extremely bored*  
  
Yoshi: Aww, c'mon Toad! We JUST lifted off!  
  
*Toad ignores Yoshi and attempts to look pitiful so that someone might help him*  
  
DK: Toad, I'm gonna throw you off this bus if you don't wipe that look off.  
  
*Peach, on the other hand, becomes instantly sympathetic*  
  
Peach: Aww, poor Toad...all you guys are being so mean!  
  
*Toad's expression brightens when he sees he has won Peach's sympathy*  
  
Luigi: Peach, don't do that – that's exactly what he's trying to get from you!  
  
Peach: Actually, Toad, it might not be such a good idea to do that – it is sort of ticking  
everyone off...  
  
Toad: Hmph... *Toad sees he has lost Peach on that aspect, and returns to whining.*  
  
*Everyone just sighs and shuts him out.*  
  
*A little while later...*  
  
Yoshi: Hey, Mario!  
  
Mario: ZzzzZZzZZZzzz...  
  
Yoshi: HEY, MARIO!!  
  
Mario: ZzZZzzz... *Snort* ...zzZZzzzZ  
  
Luigi: Don't even try. The only thing Mario values equal to food is sleep.  
  
Yoshi: Huh, I guess you're right – I'd never really thought of it that way...  
  
*Peach is looking at Mario with slight amusement on her face. Wario is greedily counting pocket change, and Bowser is sharpening his claws. Toad and DK are fast asleep, DK snoring loudly enough to wake the dead.*  
  
*Lakitu and the Bus Driver are in the front in rapt conversation about an old episode of the Johnny Carson Show.*  
  
*And a shadow, on the ground far below, watches the floating bus high in the sky. It laughs with malice and fades into the darkness.*  
  
*Time passes...*  
  
*It is now pitch-dark outside, save for the sparkling white flakes of snow drifting by the bus. The cold finally wakes even Mario, too uncomfortable to be comfortable any longer. Peach is shivering, and Mario comforts her. Yoshi, Bowser, and DK, however, are all perfectly warm and comfortable. A quivering Toad watches them.*  
  
Toad: How can you guys be fine in this cold?!  
  
Yoshi: I dunno, I guess for me and Bowser, it's cause we've got protection from cold.  
Hey, DK, what's your story?  
  
DK: I had to spend, like, two months up on this summit with Diddy a while back...and  
we didn't have any shelter or anything. Who knows, maybe I've just built up  
immunity to cold?  
  
*Wario is still grinning and counting now snow-covered coins.*  
  
DK: Now, for HIM, I don't really know.  
  
Wario: You really don't know, do you?  
  
Bowser: It's probably all that blubber you got there.  
  
*Wario raises his hand and makes a rude gesture to Bowser.*  
  
*And they arrive!*  
  
Lakitu: All right, you guys. We're here!  
  
Toad: How do you know? Can you SEE?  
  
Lakitu: *Ignores Toad, and decides not to tell them that the front cabin of the bus had  
heating pads.* Right this way, that's it...  
  
*The shivering group approaches the "Snail Stop" down the road. Everyone is overjoyed to step inside and smell hot cocoa and a small buffet. They are not so overjoyed when they find out there are only three rooms available.*  
  
Lakitu: *Looks at group sheepishly.* Well, er...looks like we're three to a room...  
  
Everyone: WHAT?!  
  
Lakitu: Hey, it's not like it's my fault! There's only three rooms, there's nine of us, and  
there's no other place for miles. Unless you'd prefer to get back on that bus?  
  
Peach: No! But...I really have to have my own room!  
  
Toad: Me too.  
  
DK: Same here.  
  
Lakitu: Well, looks like you don't have much choice. Now get into groups of three, and  
whoever is left over will stay in my room.  
  
*Everyone trades looks of disgust.*  
  
Mario: Well, uh, Yoshi? Wanna stay in our room?  
  
Yoshi: I kinda wanted to share a room with DK...  
  
DK: Well, I sorta wanted to stay in Bowser's room...  
  
Bowser: Well, um, I'm with Wario...  
  
*Peach realizes that if she doesn't find someone fast, she will be stuck in a room with Lakitu and Toad, and she really doesn't want to room with either of them. Lakitu would just be weird, and Toad would call her 'majesty.'*  
  
Luigi: Well, Mario...I don't really know this time...  
  
Toad: Mistress Peach, do...  
  
Peach: Toad, no. Just no.  
  
Toad: Well, then... *Turns back and pouts.*  
  
Lakitu: Everyone quiet down!!  
  
*Everyone stops bickering and turns to Lakitu.*  
  
Lakitu: It looks like you just can't do this like civilized people, so it looks like it'll have  
to be randomized.  
  
Everyone: NO!!  
  
Lakitu: *Grins* Too late.  
  
*Lakitu takes out a sack of papers. One by one, groaning, everyone draws. Amazingly, everyone ends up in even divisions of three, so three people will be in each room.*  
  
*Here is how the rooms ended up. Room 1: Wario, Toad, Mario. Room 2: Peach, Yoshi, Bowser. Room 3: Lakitu, DK, Luigi. Needless to say, no one but Lakitu is happy with the arrangements.*  
  
Lakitu: You are to STAY IN THESE ROOMS, and you CANNOT FIGHT with each  
other. Come on, now – this is easy. Be civilized.  
  
*Everyone, grumbling, enters their rooms.*  
  
*20 minutes have passed. Let's see how they're doing in Room 1.*  
  
*Toad suddenly discovers that there are only two beds in the room. He also discovers that Mario is in one of them, and Wario is on the other.*  
  
*Toad walks up to Wario.*  
  
Toad: Hey, Wario...er...I just noticed there's only two beds.  
  
Wario: Buzz off, little prick.  
  
*Toad backs away, and walks to Mario's bed.*  
  
Toad: Hey, Mario...  
  
Mario: ZzzzZzZZzZz.....  
  
Toad: MARIO?  
  
Mario: zzZZZzZZzzzzZ...*snort*...zzZZZzz...  
  
Toad: HEY!  
  
Wario: Toad, leave the fat idiot alone. He's trying to catch some sleep, and for once, I  
don't blame him. *Reaches up, tries to switch off lamp. Misses, and  
accidentally breaks it. Falls asleep seconds later.*  
  
Mario: ZzzzzZZZzZZzzz...  
  
Wario: ZZZZZzZZZZzzz...  
  
*Toad is standing in the darkness between what are most likely the loudest and deepest sleepers in the entire world.*  
  
Toad: Uh...  
  
*Let's check on Room 2*  
  
*There is momentary complete silence in Room 2. A red-faced Peach is glaring daggers at a sneering Bowser. Yoshi is off to the side, looking nervously between the two.*  
  
*Yoshi knows that Bowser is a tough brute, but Yoshi has known Peach for a long time and realizes that she is holding herself back from leaping up and slapping Bowser across the face. Peach's temper is rising, but not simply because Bowser is Bowser. It's because, during a heated argument between the two, Bowser made a particularly nasty remark about her grandmother that cannot be written in this story for rating reasons.*  
  
Peach: Don't you DARE speak that way!  
  
Bowser: Hah ha ha hah! Y'know, you're a lot more...amusing when you get mad. Hard  
to believe you and the Chancellor are actually running the Mushroom Kingdom,  
with all the time you spend working on...shall we say...plumbing.  
  
*Peach is so angry, her next statement comes out slightly garbled.*  
  
Peach: You...you sick, perverted...how could you even THINK...Mario...  
  
Bowser: What? Not sure what to say next? Startled you, didn't I? C'mon, we know  
what you think of him. But don't try to protect him, it'll just make you look  
worse than you already do.  
  
*Peach is stunned that Bowser actually has the nerve to say something like that. On top of that, Bowser has never once invented a good comeback to anything.*  
  
Yoshi: Uh, hey...guys... *Really nervous* I...um...brought a deck of...cards...  
  
*Neither Peach or Bowser pays Yoshi any mind*  
  
*In Room 3, all are fast asleep. DK wakes, needing a quick drink. Suddenly, he feels as if he is being watched, and spins to see an evil face staring him in the eyes. The face chuckles and disappears. DK, petrified, wakes Luigi. Back to Room 2.*  
  
*Bowser chuckles and leans back in his bed. The needle-like spikes on the back of the shell on his back impale the fresh bed covers, and several springs crack under his massive weight. He switches off the light.*  
  
*Moments later...Yoshi feels footsteps, and shortly thereafter hears a yell.*  
  
Peach: DON'T YOU DARE COME ANY CLOSER!!!  
  
*At that moment, Yoshi decides this is definitely not the room he wants to be in. He crawls to the door so he will not make any noise, slowly creaks it open, and steps into the dimly lit hallway. Only the humming of the heater can be heard.*  
  
*Yoshi enters Room 3 and slowly shuts the door.*  
  
*Once inside, all three lower their voices greatly*  
  
DK: How're we gonna get out of here?  
  
Luigi: I dunno...hey, it's Yoshi!...  
  
Yoshi: Hey guys.  
  
DK: Shh...Lakitu's asleep, and we've gotta get out of here!  
  
Yoshi: Why's that?  
  
Luigi: Haven't you heard what's going on? Someone's sneaking around here! I dunno  
who...DK says he woke up 'cause there was this face RIGHT THERE in the  
window staring at him! We think that whoever it is is coming this way now!!  
  
Yoshi: Oh, geez...we do have to get out of here...  
  
*And indeed, the dark figure from the resort now sneaks through the snow- covered bushes outside, not making a noise.*  
  
*In the meantime, Wario and Peach have switched rooms.*  
  
Toad: Welcome, mistress Peach.  
  
Peach: Oh, dear god...what're YOU doing here...?  
  
*Toad is slightly offended and sniffs.*  
  
Toad: Well, I happen to be assigned to this room!  
  
Peach: Yeah, well, you might as well get some sleep.  
  
*Before Toad can stop her, Peach gets into the bed Toad had been meaning to take from Wario, and he is once again left in the darkness in silence.*  
  
*Minutes pass...finally, all but Luigi, Yoshi, and DK are asleep. Even Toad has found some spare blankets in a closet and is sleeping on the floor.*  
  
DK: I'm gonna go scout around – try to find another exit!  
  
Luigi: Gotcha. We'll meet you here in a minute.  
  
*DK leaves and shuts the door. Yoshi quickly discovers a vent that leads directly to the main check-in area, and motions Luigi to it.*  
  
Luigi: Dunno how DK's gonna fit, but there's our exit...  
  
Yoshi: Yeah – speaking of which, where'd he head off to?  
  
Luigi: He said he was gonna "scout around," or something. But it's been about 10  
minutes...hope nothing happened...  
  
Yoshi: Yeah, really...  
  
*In the hallway...*  
  
*DK takes a few tentative steps forward. The lights are very dim, and the heater continues its constant humming. It is pitch dark outside, so although the windows are uncovered, they appear to be black. The heater is relatively quiet, but not quiet enough to reveal the approaching footsteps or the quick, dull thud as a swift uppercut sends DK to the floor. A figure snickers and steps over his fallen body towards the door of Room 3.*  
  
*Yoshi and Luigi have managed to crawl through the vent shaft and return the cover to its original placement just seconds before their door is flung open.*  
  
*They emerge into the check-in area to find the manager bound and gagged behind the counter. Luigi and Yoshi quickly untie him. The mushroom man quickly stands up and holds his hand over his bowler hat. He snatches a phone and dials the police. In the few seconds before he receives an answer, he stares wide-eyed at Luigi and Yoshi and motions for them to run.*  
  
*They decide to take him up on his offer, and run outside to take shelter in the bus from some of the snow. It has stopped snowing and is now raining. It is not five minutes later that 3 armed guards show at the entrance to the Snail Stop. However, a fourth person accompanies them. Luigi and Yoshi both sit straight up when they realize who it is.*  
  
Luigi and Yoshi: TOADSWORTH?!  
  
*Princess Peach's personal assistant holds a pink umbrella as he approaches the two of them. He walks to the large bus to talk to them. It is obvious he has become spoiled from the attention of Mushroom royalty. The three Mushroom Retainers surround him.*  
  
Toadsworth: There will be time enough for greetings later – I am here strictly on  
business. The Kingdom and I have agreed not to disturb this activity, but  
this is the point where I'm afraid I must intervene.  
  
*The plumber and dinosaur share a look.*  
  
Toadsworth: Toadstool, that is, Princess Peach, is in danger, and I'm afraid I cannot  
allow her to stay any longer.  
  
Yoshi: *Narrows eyes.* Really?  
  
Toadsworth: You're all actually in danger, but I am simply her advisor...  
  
Luigi: Yeah...?  
  
Toadsworth: Yes – anyway, you see, the escaped convict Waluigi has been tracked to  
this facility. We do not know what he intends on doing – only that it  
involves your little...excursion to this place.  
  
Luigi: My COUSIN WALUIGI?!  
  
Yoshi: Wario's BROTHER WALUIGI?!  
  
Toadsworth: One and the same. Quite a crafty fellow, I must admit. However, I must  
return our dear princess before anything might happen. And it's funny you  
should mention Wario...he and Bowser are here as well, and my guards and  
I plan to take them into custody as well. They have committed too many  
crimes against our kingdom to count.  
  
Luigi: But that'll only leave 5 in the running!  
  
Toadsworth: Quite right – but nonetheless, the Princess, Wario, and Bowser must leave.  
  
Lakitu: Afraid I can't allow that.  
  
*Yoshi, Luigi and Toadsworth spin to find Lakitu near the entrance with his arms crossed. Toadsworth's eyes narrow.*  
  
Toadsworth: Now, you just hold on a darn minute...  
  
Lakitu: No. Our contestants will stay until they decide they will leave.  
  
Toadsworth: You are all in danger! You've gone too far. I MUST intervene!  
  
Lakitu: Well, I suppose you can certainly try...  
  
Toadsworth: I'll have you know you're speaking to the highest ranking official in the  
Mushroom Kingdom's royal guard, and the chief of the Mushroom Police!!  
  
Lakitu: Wonderful. Quite frankly, I don't care what you are. In case you've forgotten,  
you have no jurisdiction here.  
  
*The three retainers, Yoshi, and Luigi step back slowly as Toadsworth's face turns red.*  
  
Toadsworth: You...you're nothing...but a simple camp counselor! I have a higher rank  
than you could ever dream... *Stops as he is interrupted.*  
  
Lakitu: It seems you have also forgotten about THIS. *Thrusts a paper into  
Toadsworth's hands.*  
  
Toadsworth: *Skims through the document* "The undersigned hereby...all rights and  
privileges...joining this organization...follow all rules set by the director  
and his affiliates." *Skips down several lines* "I have read and  
understood the previous document and fully agree to all rules and  
obligations set by the coordinator of this six month event."  
  
*Eight signatures follow – even one from Wario and one from Bowser.*  
  
Toadsworth: "I have read and understood the previous document and fully agree not to  
allow the Mushroom Kingdom to interfere in this event."  
  
*The Chancellor's signature follows.*  
  
Toadsworth: W, what? The Chancellor?! I...all right Lakitu, I fully understand.  
  
Lakitu: *Nabs the paper back from Toadsworth.* No harm done. Now, I'm trying to get  
them a good night's rest – they race tomorrow. Take Waluigi and do whatever  
you like with him...I don't really want him nosing around here either.  
  
Toadsworth: *Nods* I'm sorry to have interfered with your actions. Now, we must find  
Waluigi quickly. I can still protect the princess from harm by locking him  
away. Lakitu, do you know why he's here?  
  
Lakitu: *Gets a puzzled look.* In truth, I'm not sure. I'd imagine he's here to find  
Wario and maybe cause a bit of trouble...he's probably out around there,  
*points to the bushes* or maybe in the restaurant area inside.  
  
*Toadsworth and the Mushroom Retainers give their goodbyes. But Toadsworth's face betrays his words of apology, as he still has something of a mix of rage and bitterness on his face, giving only a glimpse of it before disappearing around the corner. The Mushroom Retainers quickly follow, leaving a puzzled Yoshi and Luigi still in the bus.*  
  
Yoshi: Isn't it funny how one signature can change everything?  
  
Luigi: Yeah...I never knew my cousin too well, y'know...about the only time we've seen  
Waluigi was during that tennis tournament...I guess he joined the golf club  
recently too...I forget if he showed up?  
  
Yoshi: Well, trust me, no matter what he's up to – he's a pain in the neck.  
  
Luigi: I mean, do we have anything in common at all?  
  
Yoshi: Well, he's kinda tall, and he looks sorta like a weird mix of Wario's face and  
yours. I suppose he kinda sounds like you...  
  
Luigi: No! I mean, where'd he come from?  
  
Yoshi: Y'know what? I have absolutely no idea. Don't think anyone does. He's kind of  
an outcast, you know...not really friends with anyone other than Wario...he's just  
about the arch-enemy of everyone else...  
  
Luigi: Sounds about like what I expected...  
  
Yoshi: He may be a troublemaker, but he's really a lot worse. He's got this evil  
mentality towards everything. He could just punch someone's lights out for the  
heck of it, or kick an animal because it was in his way. Dunno what's wrong  
with him...and he's really smart. He loves pulling pranks on people with Wario  
as well. I can only guess why he came here...  
  
Luigi: Well, we'd probably better head in before this gets worse...  
  
Yoshi: Good idea.  
  
*They go inside. Minutes later, a tall, dark figure stalks into the covering darkness of the forest and disappears.*  
  
*5 hours later in Room 1...*  
  
*Because of the night events, Peach was in fact the one that slept the longest. She is also the first to wake up to the chilled breath of morning. The second race looms ahead, but about 5 hours still remain before it would begin. Peach becomes restless, not really knowing what to do. At last her eyes rest upon the snoring Mario, and she thinks about how much he means to her. He was a bit distasteful, but always funny. Always so kind to her. The countless number of times she had been kidnapped by that fool Bowser, and the countless number of times she had been saved by the faithful Mario and Luigi.*  
  
*She remembers when she had sat sobbing in the darkest dungeon of Bowser's Castle, had felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned to see Mario's worried face. All of her thoughts are melted away in an instant as Toad approaches.*  
  
Toad: Good day, your majesty.  
  
*Peach is about to scold Toad, but something comes over her.*  
  
Peach: ...Hello, Toad.  
  
*Toad is shocked. This is the first time Peach has responded reasonably to Toad in a long long time.*  
  
Toad: H, hello. Shall I serve breakfast?  
  
*Peach knows Toad is pushing his luck, and that he understands she hates being "served" when she can handle herself. But once again, something comes over her.*  
  
Peach: That would be wonderful. Thank you, Toad.  
  
Toad: I...well, then...I...I'll be off, then! *Bows, and rushes to the door. Before leaving,  
however, he gives a worried glance at Peach.*  
  
*Peach now remembers something. Back in the old days, years ago, she acted exactly like this. But the day she was first captured and rescued had changed her. After, she had almost wished to give up her royalty. She never knew why she would want that. The fact was, she did. Still does. Peach suddenly realizes what is happening. The first kidnapping had made her wish to be independent, to take care of herself. To defy her own royal heritage, and be what she wanted, instead of what the Chancellor wanted. And – when Mario had rescued her, she not only had feelings for Mario, but felt anger toward him as well. Was it because she felt as if she was being pampered once again? Her independence refused because of Mario?*  
  
*But Peach realizes that Mario is her best friend, and more. She takes another look at Mario before deciding to help Toad with breakfast.*  
  
*4 hours later...*  
  
*The group has hastily eaten a large breakfast buffet in silence. Everyone is slightly nervous about the upcoming race – even Wario and Bowser, who never had the chance to come up with a plan to cheat.*  
  
*And they have reason to be nervous...*  
  
*After 12 minutes, Lakitu emerges from the staff room and tells everyone it's time. The group, still in silence, puts their plates on the wash counter and enters the wall of cold outside. Luckily, everyone who needed a coat or jacket managed to get one back at the resort the previous day.*  
  
Lakitu: All right. The racetrack is about a quarter-mile to the north, so we'll have a short  
hike before we're there. I don't need to tell you that this is one of the most  
important races you'll face – the second race in the grand prix is always the  
best opportunity to get ahead in the standings. Good luck.  
  
*Everyone nods, and they begin to hike through the howling wind and stinging snow. Bowser easily stomps forward, but the lighter members have problems. Toad is barely able to keep his balance in the wind.*  
  
*After hiking through several snowdrifts and ice tunnels, they reach their destination. The starting line lies directly after a wooden bridge leading over an ice-water river.*  
  
*The karts lie waiting in formation, a very thin layer of snow covering them.*  
  
Lakitu: All right, you lot. Watch for the special box and map again, and be careful  
around the corners! Watch your traction!! That's the most important part of this  
race. I would not advise pressing the drift turn button, as you might not be able  
to unlock your wheels on the ice. Get ready!!  
  
*They seat themselves in their beloved karts. Mario's new kart gleams under the cloud-filled sunlight. Bowser revs his engine deeply, and Yoshi grips his steering wheel.*  
  
Lakitu: 3!...  
  
Lakitu: 2!!...  
  
Lakitu: 1!!!...  
  
*Lakitu raises one arm before bringing it down sharply before him, waving the checkered flag quickly.*  
  
Lakitu: ...GO!!!!  
  
*Everyone stomps on the gas in unison and a chorus of acceleration is quick to follow.*  
  
*DK takes an early lead, followed closely by Luigi.*  
  
*Toad attempts to pass Luigi, but he is cut off.*  
  
*The group zooms around a corner, but Peach and Yoshi forget the brakes and spin out into a snowdrift. They are quickly passed by Wario and Bowser, who nab the passing item boxes.*  
  
*Mario is in fourth place, in between Toad and Wario. Suddenly, a red shell, shot by Wario, zooms around the track. It homes in on the helpless Mario. Fortunately, Mario has a mushroom. He hits the gas and a stream of flame flares out from the rear of his vehicle, shooting him directly in front of Toad. The red shell remains on trajectory, and Toad realizes he is in the way of the shell about 2 seconds before it slams him off-track.*  
  
Mario: What the...what're all these snowmen?!  
  
*Mario zooms past a group of about 7 snowmen in the right-hand side of the track.*  
  
*The next group of item boxes approaches. Mario grabs for one, but misses. Yoshi comes up on his tail.*  
  
Yoshi: Outta the way!  
  
*Yoshi pulls out two mushrooms and throws them into the item slot in the kart. He rockets past Mario, and pulls out a fistful of six bananas.*  
  
Yoshi: These look good, but I think you'd enjoy them more!  
  
*He begins pitching them at Mario, one by one. Mario swerves and avoids the first two, but the third hits him and he spins out and falls back into fourth place. The other three are avoided by everyone.*  
  
*Mario now prepares to go over the first wooden bridge – only to find that it's gone! He cannot slow himself, so he accelerates and presses the jump button as he goes over the icy chasm. He lands on the other side with two feet to spare and continues on. Mario is getting worried. Those snowmen weren't here when he was last here. And there used to be a wooden bridge over that pit. Something is up, and Mario knows it.*  
  
*Suddenly, a muffled BANG is heard, and Toad is shot 8 feet into the air. The broken remains of a snowman lie on the ice, along with the empty smoking casing of a bob-omb...Mario instantly realizes what's going on. The "snowmen" are landmines!*  
  
*Mario turns the corier to fitd approximately 5m more snowmen waiting for his arrival – a minefield. He also finds a blackened Toad near a hole in the ice.*  
  
Mario: All right, there, Toad?  
  
Toad: *Gets moving forward.* Who the heck mined these snowmen?!  
  
Mario: I dunno...  
  
*Bowser has pulled ahead of Wario, and quickly passes a still-accelerating Toad. He pulls out a red shell and aims for Mario, when a green shell, thrown by Toad, strikes him from behind. He rolls into the snow to find himself in, once again, last place.*  
  
*Peach is now approaching Mario.*  
  
*Mario watches as she raises her arm, a blue object in her hand.*  
  
Mario: Oh...no...  
  
*He realizes too late what is going on, and a spiked shell slams into his kart, blasting apart forcefully. Mario lands awkwardly just outside of the minefield.*  
  
*As he recovers, Toad passes him.*  
  
*Two slippery curves later, icy walls rise high on either side of the racers, and they hurtle forward inside of a twisty, narrow path.*  
  
*Bowser, now gripping three green shells, seizes the perfect opportunity and throws them into the wall of the passage, causing them to reflect wildly back and forth, increasing in speed. He barely makes it through. The ones in first and second will have a nasty surprise...he zooms forward, approaching Wario and Toad.*  
  
*Toad attempts to block Bowser, but the heaviest of the eight and the lightest of the eight collide, slamming poor Toad into the ice.*  
  
*Bowser zooms ahead, and now approaches Wario. They pass a closely-packed group of item boxes, and Bowser manages to snag two against the rules. He ends up with six mushrooms, three per box. He holds down the button with his knee, steers with his left hand, and drops in the mushrooms one by one as he rockets forward at a blinding speed. The boost lasts for 20 seconds, and he manages to pass Wario, Peach, Mario, and Toad.*  
  
Toad: Geez... *Hurls a red shell.*  
  
*Toad's red shell zooms around the corner after Bowser. Peach now comes up on Wario's tail. She uses a Boo caller and shortly becomes invisible. She is now side by side with Wario.*  
  
Peach: Hey Wario!  
  
Wario: Huh? Who is it?! *Makes a wild punch through the air.*  
  
*Unfortunately, Wario's punch connects with Peach's shoulder, and she is knocked out of her kart! She is thrown into the snow, out cold. The kart continues, unmanned, until it buries itself in a drift and winds down.*  
  
Wario: Wah hah hah hah!!! *Disappears around the bend.*  
  
*DK and Luigi continue to fight for first, as the icy walls lower and they approach the bridge to the finish line.*  
  
*Luigi uses a star and rams DK, shocking him and sending him flying off track. Yoshi is quick to pass a rescuing Lakitu and take second.*  
  
*Mario and Toad, in a race to reach the bridge, both turn and throw an object at the same moment. Toad throws a banana and Mario a green shell. Both hit their targets, but Mario is faster to gain control and shoves a tumbling Toad off track. He crosses the finish line just as DK begins speeding up again.*  
  
*Lap two begins with a good start for Toad as he realizes that light- weights such as himself are quite good at jumping over the curves using mushrooms and the jump button, instead of merely driving through them as the others do. He quickly joins Luigi in first.*  
  
*Peach, however, is far from the fast-paced action elsewhere. She is unconcious, in a dreamless sleep. Her kart has long since shut down, and no one seems to notice she is there. She has not yet been lapped by the others, but the cold snow prevents her from waking. She is not injured, although will eventually wake up to a bruised arm and a headache. Elsewhere on the ice, Bowser is frantically attempting to speed up and avoid the incoming red shell. His mushrooms have just worn off, and he weaves back and forth attempting to stop the shell from gaining. Finally, growling, he turns around and blasts flame onto the unsuspecting shell, causing an explosion and allowing Bowser back into the race. No one notices his move, and he speeds up to fight with Toad for second.*  
  
*The current positions, from first to last, are as follows: Luigi, Toad, Bowser, Yoshi, Mario, DK, Wario, and Peach.*  
  
*DK snatches the next item box. He needs to catch up to Luigi and continue the battle. But for that, he'd need a star, and he only now has a single mushroom. Not really good for anything. Except maybe...*  
  
DK: Hey Mario!  
  
Mario: What?  
  
*DK catches up to Mario, tosses the mushroom into Mario's kart, reaches over, and hits the boost button. Mario, not ready for the sudden acceleration, weaves off track and tumbles over in the snow. DK, laughing, zooms ahead.*  
  
*However, unnoticed, Mario continues into the snow and discovers a way to skip an entire curve of the track. He is now in third place, approaching Yoshi. He has one mushroom of his own, and he blasts forward, past Yoshi. Yoshi notices the problem and decides he can't allow Mario forward, so he reaches for the next item box. And misses! Cursing, he lashes out with his tongue, snags a box, and pulls it in. Inside, he finds a single green shell. He carefully aims, and smacks the rear of Mario's kart. Mario falls back into fifth, and continues forward.*  
  
*They now approach the minefield once again. Toad and Luigi are side by side, butting karts. Toad, with a sudden impulse, pulls Luigi's hat down over his face. Luigi swerves into the wall, and quickly gets back on track, yelling at Toad. Luigi snatches at one of the snowmen, and pulls a bob-omb out of one as he passes. He lights the bob-omb's fuse and hurls it at Toad. Toad is blasted into the air for a second time and finds himself in third. Bowser just zips through the mess, chuckling, and gains first.*  
  
*At that moment, Peach wakes up, frost falling from her ruined hair. Silence everywhere. Is the race over? But the sudden whine of distant race karts raises her adrenaline level tenfold. The kart! Where is it?*  
  
Peach: The race is still on...but why was I in the snow? Where's my kart?!  
  
*Peach begins to search frantically until realizing that there are tire tracks leading into a particularly large mound of snow. Peach frantically digs, while the whine of karts becomes louder...*  
  
*DK and Luigi angrily butt karts back and forth, zipping through the mad mess as a hurtling tornado of bananas, shells, and items fly through the air. They expertly zip between two large blocks of crumbled ice, keeping an astounding pace – neither backing down. They squeal around the corner, quickly realizing that Peach is directly ahead of them, driving her kart as if nothing had happened.*  
  
DK: WHAT?! I was SURE we were in first...  
  
Luigi: HEY PEACH! HOW'D YOU GET ALL THE WAY UP HERE?!  
  
Peach: Well, I...  
  
*Peach suddenly stops and realizes that DK and Luigi don't know she's a lap behind them. For that matter, neither does anyone else...including Lakitu*  
  
Peach: I, um, zipped by while the two of you were near the minefield.  
  
DK: Why are you covered in snow?!  
  
Peach: Oh, um...I got hit...by a shell...a while back...  
  
*Luigi realizes that something is up, but doesn't say a word.*  
  
*The icy walls rise beside them once more and they hurtle through the confined, narrow canyon. Suddenly, three green shells, thrown by Bowser the previous lap, appear in front of Peach. She deliberately slows and allows Luigi and DK in front of her – all three shells send them tumbling. Peach, hardly believing her luck, zips ahead toward the wooden bridge. A furious Toad and Yoshi are quick to follow.*  
  
*After this group passes by, Bowser rams Wario off course, and a cursing Wario is passed by DK and Luigi, determined to regain their original placement.*  
  
*And so begins the third and final lap. Elsewhere on the course, a certain individual hides in wait behind the rocks. His gloved hand is poised upon a hidden lever. He snickers and falls silent.*  
  
*DK gets a double mushroom, and rockets forward to pass Bowser. He does so, and Bowser begins to notice. He positions himself directly behind DK and slowly accelerates. Bowser remembers that his kart is slightly faster – this shouldn't be a problem. And yet, DK slowly accelerates as well, to escape Bowser. Both max out their engines, and eventually meet Toad, Yoshi and Peach in second. A furious battle ensues between the five of them just as they enter the minefield.*  
  
*Bowser rams Yoshi into Peach, who throws a green shell over Bowser's head to Toad. Toad zips out of the way and the shell collides with DK, who slides into Peach's path. Both karts, uncontrolled, slam Bowser's into the wall. Bowser slams on the gas and collides with the back end of Toad's kart. Unexpectedly, Toad drops a banana directly into Bowser's path at the same moment as Yoshi drops a banana into Toad's path. DK hurls a red shell, and it collides with Yoshi, who tumbles into Peach. Peach slides into one of the snowmen – she and large chunks of snow fly into the air.*  
  
*After this sequence of events, the placement is as follows: Toad, Bowser, DK, Peach, Yoshi, Mario, Luigi, Wario. All eight racers end up being extremely compacted to each other – wheels are within 3 feet of the others.*  
  
*And it is also that moment that the gloved hand pulls the hidden lever, and its owner flees, chuckling madly.*  
  
*Bowser hurls a red shell at Peach, who ducks and forces it to collide with DK. However, DK activates a star just in time, and the shell is deflected to the side to crash into a wall. And at that instant, everyone becomes very quiet when they discover a faint rumbling reverberating through the mountains.*  
  
*Just like that, all of the blurred, confusing motion comes to a halt as a white cloud appears in the distance. As it dawns upon Lakitu exactly what is going on, his eyes go wide in horror.*  
  
Lakitu: A...AV...AVALANCHE!! GET MOVING!!! GO GO GO!!!  
  
*Suddenly, it is as if a large hand has slapped everyone in the face. Focus is turned away immediately from the other players in the race and instead to the course itself.*  
  
*Mario immediately slams on the gas – a foolish move. The kart spins its wheels for about two precious seconds before it begins to pick up speed – slowly...slowly...and the cloud grows larger.*  
  
*Toad zips around Luigi in a panic, using mushrooms to accelerate as he goes. Unfortunately, instead of a mushroom, he accidentally drops a shell inside, and the kart's fuel ignites the shell's explosive outer layer. Toad flies into the air yelling, while the icy cloud consumes the hills.*  
  
*Bowser watches the scene in amusement. He decides to take advantage of the situation. As Peach passes, Bowser tosses a red shell onto the road, and it soon collides with her. She screams, and tumbles far behind. Bowser realizes that, whether anyone likes it or not, the ending placement is still a factor.*  
  
*All animals in the area grow silent, and a low rumble is somewhat muffled by the snow. An eerie vibration reverberates through the karts as the drivers attempt to save their own lives. They now enter the most dangerous part of the stretch – the ice canyon. Tiny chunks of ice now rain upon them as the cold walls rise up. The vibration increases in intensity...the bridge is finally visible in the distance. However, an eerie shadow now crosses their path, and Toad wildly brakes and spins out to the right as a massive boulder smashes into the snow in front of him. The spray of ice scratches his paint and his face, but that is the least of his worries.*  
  
*A white, massive enemy approaches the ice canyon's edge. The ice chunks falling into the crevasse quickly become heavier and heavier, and the light pattering noise now turns into large snaps and pops as the sharp crystals barrage the ground and the drivers with immense force. Every second, they increase in intensity. Wario is knocked to the side by a large rock, but he regains his composure and again begins driving. Peach's kart is dented twice as two more icy needles batter it.*  
  
DK: Bowser! MOVE!!!  
  
*Bowser is deliberately blocking DK's path, still intent on getting a higher place than the others. DK swerves, and Bowser swerves to block him.*  
  
*The pack zips across the bridge just as the full force of the snow tumbles into the canyon, rapidly filling it to the brim.*  
  
*The final placement is, from first to last: Luigi, Bowser, Yoshi, Wario, DK, Mario, Peach, and Toad. Lakitu quickly takes note of the standings. Even as they cross the finish line, the group continues to hurtle forward until they are far away from the mess that was the Frappe Snowland racetrack.*  
  
*An hour later...*  
  
*Mario wakes up. He has a horrible headache and his arms and legs are numb. Banging is heard from the back of the room, which doesn't help his pain one bit. He does, however, turn to look, and he sees a mechanic working hard on the partially ruined karts. The mechanic's large, toadstool-like head turns and faces Mario, and he drops his wrench and runs to what appears to be some sort of office room. Mario is woozy and confused.*  
  
Mario: That's weird...that man...he ran from me...I scared him...heh heh... *Falls onto  
bed in a clumsy stupor*  
  
*Mario is awake, but he still needs rest. He slowly becomes more and more oriented.*  
  
*In the office, the auto mechanic rushes inside and searches for someone.*  
  
Mechanic: Lakitu! LAKITU!!  
  
Lakitu: Huh? Oh yeah – is anyone awake yet?  
  
Mechanic: Just Mario.  
  
Lakitu: Okay, just let me finish up here and I'll be right there. You go back to work.  
  
Mechanic: Got it. *Walks out and shuts door*  
  
Lakitu: Now I just have to finish these plans...  
  
*A brief glimpse is captured of the plans. They depict the white training kart. The only difference is that it has a thick, curved metal bar attatched to the back of it. Lakitu holds it up to the light and chuckles. Then he adds a stick figure hanging onto the metal bar with one hand. The other hand holds a green shell that is dropped onto the road behind the kart. Lakitu, satisfied with the final result, files the paper away and leaves the office.*  
  
*By this time, the whole group has at least somewhat awakened. Lakitu opens the door and claps his hands together.*  
  
Lakitu: Well guys, the second race is done and over with – and I've gotta say, I was  
really disappointed in it. This whole thing was a disappointment. Even you.  
Don't act shocked that I'm saying this. I know that each and every one of you  
cheated at least once during this race. You know you did, don't deny it. Last  
night to this very moment – I don't think there was one satisfying climax to it  
all. You never found the Special Box and Map. The avalanche really sealed the  
deal on making this what will probably be the worst day of your racing careers...  
  
*Yoshi and DK share a look.*  
  
Lakitu: ...And I loved it.  
  
Toad: WHAT?!  
  
Lakitu: Indeed, this was not only your worst race ever, but I loved it. Here's the deal.  
You guys came up with it, and I liked it. *Grinning evilly* Scrap the rules.  
  
DK: What do you mean?  
  
Lakitu: Do whatever you wish to try to get ahead. Sure, the basic rules still apply, but I  
think it's about time...we started training for the championship.  
  
Peach: The...CHAMPIONSHIP?  
  
Lakitu: *Smirking* Yes. The championship. As in the Global Federation of Karts  
International Grand Prix.  
  
*There is dead silence for approximately 10 seconds.*  
  
Lakitu: Yes, you guys are GFK level at last, as I realized while watching you race today.  
The Mushroom Kingdom has never once had a team enter. I think it's about  
time we showed them our stuff. Who's seen the GFK on television?  
  
*Only Toad raises a quivering hand.*  
  
Lakitu: Well then you know full well that these are the experts. We're dealing with the  
serious players. The GFK generally has from between five to twelve members  
per team, and each race always has about fifteen teams total. Any math  
whizzes in here will easily figure out that that equals about a hundred and twenty  
members in a race. You guys are ready, no question. But first, you've gotta  
break out of these rules you've raced by. It's time you've stopped these pitiful  
beginner races and started the big leagues – the REAL big leagues. You just  
needed the opportunity. This raises the stakes – we'll still have our little Grand  
Prix here at the Mushroom Kingdom – the winner will still get the trophy and  
the 8,000 coins...but that's small potatoes in comparison to the GFK. I believe  
the team that gets first prize recieves over 200,000 coins, new karts, and funding  
for future programs.  
  
*At that moment Wario closes his mouth, realizing he'd been drooling again.*  
  
Lakitu: You guys aren't in it yet, though. I'm going to train you. I'm going to train you  
until you fall down from exhaustion. I'm going to train you because the other  
teams are doing the same. Now, you must understand that I'm telling you this  
now so you know in advance, so we can change the rules of our races to prepare  
for this, and so any of you can drop out if you really want to – but I don't expect  
that from any of you – it's time you realized your full potential. I believe our  
team will be the only new addition to the race this year – which means we will  
be able to know who exactly WILL be involved. When we get back to the resort  
I'll paste the full list in the lobby by the scoreboard. We can watch a video of  
last year's championship to anticipate each team's tactics. However, we will  
NOT know the tracks or their locations until the race itself. Guys, you'll build  
your own karts, you'll train, and you'll take home the gold!  
  
*At this point DK stands and starts clapping. After a few seconds, Luigi joins in. Then Yoshi, Toad and Mario – finally, the entire group is up from the beds, cheering.*  
  
Lakitu: Let's head back!  
  
*And so they do.*  
  
*Two hours later...*  
  
*The trip back to the Resort is excrutiatingly long. There is much turbulence, preventing anyone from sleeping on the voyage. There isn't as much snow however, and this allows those that don't have any protection (such as Toad) to at least be comfortable. A non-interesting game of Poker begins a while later...courtesy Yoshi's trusty deck of cards. Strangely, the dealer, Wario, repeatedly wins every time, until it is discovered that he has stacked the deck in his favor. That quickly brings an end to the game, and the group goes back to trying to find something to do in a space of about 60 square feet occupied by seven others – besides freeze or fall off the edge, of course.*  
  
*At this point, Lakitu comes back with snacks.*  
  
Lakitu: Hey, I picked up a few things to tide you guys over. Gee, it's cold back here...  
  
Toad: You mean it's warmer up THERE than it is back HERE?  
  
Lakitu: No no! Um...no! Of course not! Anyways, eat this stuff for now.  
  
*Lakitu tosses a bag of food to the floor and returns, shivering, to the front cabin.*  
  
Luigi: Let's see...what do we have...some pizzas, some pretzels, some bananas, some  
peanuts, and...a few sandwiches.  
  
Yoshi: BANANAS?!  
  
DK: BANANAS?!  
  
*Within moments the bananas are gone. Luigi and Mario each have a pizza, and the rest of the food is passed around. It is only after eating that the group is able to at least try to get some sleep for the rest of the trip back to the resort. A little while later, Luigi notices Mario sitting very quietly and staring at the ground far below.*  
  
Luigi: Hey Mario, whatcha thinking about?  
  
Mario: Just thinking about the last three months. Thinking back on it, every race we do  
changes everything a lot. I mean, the first week we stayed at the resort,  
everything was kind of...I don't know how to say it...almost corny – systematic...I  
dunno, like it was kind of sappy – some of the things we said and did were really  
pretty bad. Remember? We came up with all those elaborate plots, we got all  
worried whenever something minor happened, and everything – EVERYTHING  
– always had that MGM happy ending where all is revealed and life is perfect.  
Even our conversations! We even fell to the level of "Hide and Seek" like just a  
month ago...I dunno. Everything just seemed pointless.  
  
Luigi: What do you mean?  
  
Mario: Well, think about it. It's like we're completely different people now than we  
were just last year. We've all changed in some way...  
  
Luigi: Come to think of it, you're kinda right...for once...  
  
*After this, both fall silent.*  
  
*Later, the bus arrives at the resort island. Not a word is spoken. The eight drivers head to their rooms, shut their doors, and turn off their lights. But not one of them manages to fall asleep...*  
  
*Midnight falls...*  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


End file.
